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Ever notice how easy it is to think of yourself as either totally on or completely off? What if that all or nothing binary mindset is actually keeping you stuck? You're listening to Relish, the podcast for people ready to stop chasing self-improvement and start savoring their lives. If you're tired of the hamster wheel of healing and hungry for more joy, presence, and meaning, you're in the right place. Hello relishers, Alysia here. Today we've got a quick bite about a small language shift, a reframe, and it's one that's helped me and my clients move out of the all or nothing thinking and back into movement and connection more
quickly. So, when I'm working with people in a coaching session, I often hear things like, "Man, I have just totally lost it. I have fallen off the bandwagon. I am off track." And I know I've said these too. I get it. It can feel like I'm doing all the things I know that I should and when I am, I'm on and when I'm not, I'm off. You know, like all your progress is gone. But language matters. Words like lost imply a binary. You know, you either have it or you don't. You're on the wagon or you're off. It's black. It's white. And as we've talked about before, your brain loves binaries.
They give a sense of certainty, but they also keep you stuck in that all or nothing thinking. So here is the reframe I've come to in choosing language that allows for fluidity. Instead of lost, I want to get at the sentiment that I have disconnected because it implies I can reconnect. You know, it's like I've stepped away. Can you feel even energetically how it kind of softens it? You know, I've disconnected as opposed to the rigidity and the fixed nature of being on or off. So, this more fluid framing helps me to step back into that connection with myself without judgment and without shame. When I used to
struggle with disordered eating and exercise addiction, I would follow whatever my plan was at the time and it was constantly changing. But whenever I followed it, I was on track. Right? So notice the absolutist binary word on. And then when life happens and I would eat sugar, skip a workout, binge something, it would mean I was off track, off the bandwagon. and being held to that perfectionistic binary of on uh the shame of feeling I'd fallen off led to that well screw it mentality. Do you know what I mean? Like well it, I might as well wait to begin again until Monday. So being attached to on or off keeps me disconnected. It keeps me in either or. And the truth is if I just
missed the one day or whatever, and it's kind of interesting to say that now because it feels like I'm missing most days. Oh, how far I have come. But anyway, you know, if we do miss a day, if we deviate once or twice from our routine, that doesn't have to compromise our growth or our health or our progress. You know, our body and our brain is looking for overall consistency. Your body does not care if you eat sugar a couple of times. It cares if you do it all the time. And that is the trap of all or nothing binary thinking. Your body doesn't actually care. It's the mind that cares and is trying to control. So when I break the binary, even with language that I use, I acknowledge without judgment. Okay, I've disconnected. that
already softens and I can give myself permission to come back and reconnect at any time. This isn't, you know, just like feel-good talk. There's research on cognitive reframing that shows the words we use shape our emotional responses. They can reduce shame and they can help us actually return to our goals more quickly. Because when I'm in that fluid mode, I actually can begin again at any moment. You know the fixed mode is I have to do it on Monday. Fluid is like why not you know Wednesday night or right now with that gray area and possibility I can actually treat my body in a way it appreciates with more care more often. When we keep the language fluid and less binary then we create space for
self-compassion and for truth because you haven't lost anything. You've just stepped away from awareness for a bit. This is human. This is normal. This is what it means to have a brain. It's how the brain is wired. As we've talked about, perfection isn't possible. And awareness is always here for us to reconnect with any moment we choose, any moment we remember. This is mindfulness. Okay. So, I have included a dessert practice today. Once again, a meditation that you can try to practice coming home to yourself to begin again. This one uses sounds as an anchor to give you some variety for your own practice for
those of you who don't like using the breath as an anchor. And whether you have been disconnected for months or weeks or days or just mere moments, my intention is that this can help you come back and there's no time other than the now. So, the shift today is simple but powerful. You are not broken for disconnecting. You're not back at zero. Okay, that eb and flow is going to happen. And you can reconnect at any moment you choose. Changing your words could actually help you get there faster. So today, notice your language. Are you using words like lost, off track, always, never, binaries, absolutes? And what happens if you replace them with something a little more fluid? And then maybe ask, "How can I reconnect right now?" All right, if
this reframe lands for you, please share it with someone who might need permission to reconnect instead of waiting for, you know, someday and being really hard on themselves. And I would love to hear from you. So come connect with me on social, DM me at Alysia Shake, and tell me where have you been able to reconnect in your life. Try out the dessert meditation. Let me know what you think. Follow, subscribe so you don't miss the future episodes. I so appreciate you rating us five stars and leaving a quick review so we can keep spreading the word, but it really helps us keep being able to make the show. Thank you so much for being here and remember, you are never truly lost.
