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The sea lamprey is the most ancient river monster I've ever encountered. The parallels with vampires are striking. They both tap into that same dark place. The primal fear that they'll drain the life force from us. I've waded through their writhing bodies in a trap built to eradicate them. Now I'm going face to face fang to vein with a real living vampire. And that's a strange feeling. That's a very strange feeling. It's there's suction, but there's something sharp going on as well.
Ah, it's really getting stuck in there. off. The thing is, if you get these things attached, you're actually going to want to get them off. If you're swimming, you're needing your limbs to keep you afloat to keep you moving. So, what are you going to do? You've got these creatures attaching to you. Do I carry on swimming with maybe more and more attaching? Or do I stop swimming, try and get these things off? Ah, easier said than done. Ah. Ah, come on. That is hard to get off. That is hard. That is hard to get off. Ah. I don't know if there's a mark there or not. Hopefully there's not a big red hole. That feels a bit sore. I mean, these
things are like aquatic vampires. I don't think that's an experience I want to repeat. But netting a lampay in someone else's trap is not my idea of catching a river monster. I need to face up to this creature my way. To do that, I have to travel 2 and a half thousand miles to the Pacific Northwest, where I've heard that lampres are caught using a traditional but dangerous technique. This is the Pacific and there's another species of lamprey that lives here. I've heard that it's bigger than the ones I've seen so far. It's also toothier.
The scientific name means three fanged lamprey. And they're found all the way from Mexico right up to Alaska all the way around the Pacific Rim to Russia and Japan. But right now it's breeding season and they're coming into the rivers. So that's where I'm heading. The Colombia River acts as a highway for salmon, sturgeon, and lampresrays as they head hundreds of miles in land to spawn. Many obstacles stand in their way on their journey upstream. The first is the Bonavville Dam, where a window into a fish ladder gives me a terrifying glimpse of what I'll be up against.
Well, here they are. These are Pacific Lambury and they're quite a bit larger than the ones I've seen so far. And also the teeth significantly larger, quite gruesome. And again, just the sheer numbers of them. This is a mass invasion of underwater vampires. But despite their gruesome appearance, their arrival here is celebrated. While the sea lamprey is despised and feared in the east, the Pacific lamprey is virtually revered in the northwest. In generations past, Native Americans relied on these creatures as an important seasonal harvest. Over the years, they've seen many of their customs vanish. But here at the plank house of the Confederated Tribes of Grand Rond, some ancient traditions still survive.
Greg Archeletta catches and cooks lampres using traditional methods. They don't have bone. They have a cartilage. So this then has to be pulled all the way out. Some kind of a real elastic cord. You got to get the whole thing out cuz if you not, it gives it a bitter taste. So what you got left is just skin and meat. It's nothing else. Yeah. So now it's ready. We'll put it on the fire. Given the choice of salmon or lamprey, many native elders go for lamprey every time. So, I'm hoping this primordial predator's flesh tastes a whole lot better than it looks.
Have a taste. I'll tell you what it reminds me of a little bit. It reminds me a little bit of mackerel, you know, cuz that's mackerel's very oily and you've got that crispy skin. Whereabouts do these actually come from? These come from Wamut Falls and actually my family came from that area and from essentially time of memorial we say you know our people have been there and fished there. Wamut Falls probably has one of the larger runs in this area now. They can come from the ocean to the falls without any obstacles. So there's still a good run there but they are diminishing. So the tribes are working to try to get the runs improved again.
In the past gathering this gift from nature was easy. Migrating lampres literally covered the rocks at the falls. But now they're in decline. Harvesters must negotiate the heart of the thundering falls and wrench them from deep rock crevices and churning pools. Entering the lair of this ancient blood sucker is not only dangerous, but frankly horrifying. It's extremely rare for outsiders to join the hunt, but the Grand Rond have made an exception. I hope I can repay their generosity with a decent hall of Lamprey.
Tribal council member Peter Wakeland and his son Tory take me up the turbulent waters of the Willamid River towards the falls. Bruises are very common. Uh there's a lot of big boulders in there. It's very slippery. Presuming you can't see anything. I think it's definitely an art of field. You're just going to be pretty much blind and feeling away down in there. Yeah.
150 m from the ocean, we're on the same migratory path as salmon, sturgeon, and lamprey. Anything swimming up the Wamid River is eventually going to encounter this 40ft high wall of rock curving round to 1500 ft. I'm aruck by the challenge facing both the fish and us in terms of the volume of water. These are the biggest falls in the entire US after Niagara. And you can well understand how this is going to cause a pause in the fish migrations. And this is why people have been coming to this place for millennia. And it's into this water that I've got to go. In the Pacific Northwest, I'm about to throw myself into the pounding waters of the Wamid Falls on the hunt for the blood sucking lamprey.
We're going to make our way up above these boulders. We want to work our way across the face and check in all those cracks. I'll be working blind. The only aids I have are cotton gloves to improve my grip on these slimy serpentlike vampires. Peter tries to shield me from the huge surge that's pulling at our legs under the water. Any of us could get sucked under and drowned. Nothing there. The sound is deafening. I can barely hear Peter's instructions. I'm desperate to get my hands on a lamprey, but I'm coming up empty.
Further up, there's a rock face where lampre congregate right under the highest falls. But the risks are much greater. I don't think we have a choice. We're going to have to get further into the falls. The slick bassalt is lethal. If I slip, I could be forced under and pinned down by the thundering water. I wouldn't be the first person to drown here. I think we're going to go in, try to get a good footooth hold so you don't get flushed over the edge. And we're just going to start reaching down feeling.
You're not going to be able to see. And there's a lot of water coming over today. around 20,000 cubic feet per second. The only way to prize them off is to get right behind their mouths, but they're in a very deep crevice. And there it is. This is a real first for me. This is a fish that can't be caught on a bait on a rod and line. And there are the three fans.
