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So these are um of when he was born and we were there for his actual birth. So you were actually in the room when Isaiah was delivered. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I remember us carrying him and I was just crying and I thought, "This hurts." You were crying? Yeah. Why? And I continued to cry for a few weeks. My heart broke for Trina. I knew that she would be hurting and that this was really hard for her. And my heart broke for Isaiah because I knew that he was losing a huge part of himself. Right in that moment,
I was in Southern California exploring a very different approach to adoption. How much would I be looking at paying? It's like $40,000 anymore to adopt. Wow. Open adoption in which hopeful parents pay tens of thousands to agencies to be matched with pregnant moms. If she changes her mind, I think we get back like 10 or like nothing. The practice aims to eliminate secrecy and stigma. This place is grim, but it also comes with risks. Other than knowing that there's been drugs and arrests, you don't really know what else and hinges on the hardest decision imaginable. Letting go of a child.
It's our grandchild biologically, but it's their child to raise. They're the winners. We are the losers. 5 minutes or less, we will hear a knock on that door and Patricia will step through. Did she answer when you called? She did. She always answers when I call. at a questionable motel somewhere southeast of Los Angeles. I was with adoption facilitators Irene Riley and Mel Galloway. You just have to know the hours of her operation. She's not getting up before 12. Oh, look at them boys. Irene's business involves finding pregnant moms who feel unable to keep their babies and introducing them to parents looking to adopt.
She doesn't know we're all watching her. Today she was meeting Patricia Roass, a former nurse and mother of three, who following a series of setbacks had been leading a hand-to-mouth existence in motel. Come on here, my friend. How are you? Good. How are you? Good to see you. Okay, Patricia. So, how are you feeling? Good. Baby's growing, kicking me like just non-stop. So, okay. Well, we brought profiles for you to look at, but a couple things first that I want to go over with. um the commitment to doing the adoption. You know, the couples have been through miscarriages, stillborns, a failed adoptions, and so if you're not 100% sure that this is the best thing for you
and the best thing for this baby, then we'll try to help you with some programs or something like that. This is not like this is a big situation for me to be in, you know, and it's just stressful, especially because I have no contact with the father. I don't know where he is. Who knows? And so, I'm going through all of this by myself. Like, no, you're not by yourself. No, but you know what I mean. So your whole being tells you the best thing for you and this baby is to do an adoption. Yeah. You're thinking about the happiness of the child. Absolutely. That's why I'm I'm doing the adoption in the first place because it's not about me. It's not about anybody else but my child.
Yeah. All right. Well, Mel's going to tell you about some wonderful couples that he has. I'm going to do it this way. I'll let you pick one and we'll talk about them. There you go. Okay. Okay, so you're looking at David and Hope. They have no children, so this would be their first child. And so now I've got Aaron and Jean. Aaron is a chef. Jean is a certified orthodontist assistant. Um, I'll pick that one. You have I believe that's Ari and Amy, isn't it? Aren't they?
Yes. In Texas. Yep. They have three sons. And guess what? They really, really, really want a little girl. Yeah. I want you to realize that when I walk out of here today Mhm. you don't have to say this is where my baby's going. But I am going to ask you to go one, two, three in them. To me, these are pretty much even. But I like this family. Is that Ari and Amy? Yeah. The one with three boys already. Yeah. Don't you feel their cup overflowth already? No. I like it when there's a little bit of chaos in a family. Yeah. From, you know, because it gives you character, you know. It just Yeah. I like that. So, you've got Amy and Ari.
Yes. It's strange to think this decision will could have lifechanging consequences on both ends. Yeah. At every level. Open adoption is increasingly the way adoption is done in the US. It is a billion dollar industry. The price of a newborn baby runs to tens of thousands covering the costs of agencies, legal fees, and living expenses for the birth moms. Irene Riley's business, Rainbow's End Adoptions, is one of the smaller outfits. Birth parents, your decision to place your child for adoption is one of the most difficult decisions you will make in your life. The house she shares with
her husband of 50 years serves as its unofficial headquarters. Through adoption, you'll be able to make the loving decision to place your baby with a family who meets your criteria and then you can meet waiting parents. Yeah. On the internet, how much would I be looking at paying just to sort of get on the books as an adoptive couple? An average adoption cost 35, maybe even $40,000 anymore. There are different go all the way through to go all the way. Yeah. It's a huge decision to place your baby for adoption. um what are the factors that um mean someone makes that choice? Okay, their lifestyles, drugs, jail. Then we have other girls that um already have several kids. We've even have a
husband and wife that are expecting another child and just literally cannot afford to have another child and so they choose it. And a lot of girls and so financial in financial that's the biggest that's number one. You know, adoption is good. Adoption is hard. You know, the stories are sad because the birth mother, you know, this is the best thing for her child, but she's sad. This is an emptiness. This is a loss. You know, she felt this baby growing in her. She labored to give birth to it. And then somebody else is enjoying this amazing child. Given the chaotic nature of the lives of many of the birth moms, those from more stable backgrounds are highly sought after.
What size do they think the baby is? Um, they say he's normal right now. Um, normal size. Don't know how many pounds he is, but they said I'll be able to deliver normal. 20-year-old Jessica Miller is a non-drinker, non-drug user with no criminal record, and in a relationship. We were on route to her 8-month scan. Sometimes you have to do a pesiottomy. Do you know what a pziottomy is? Well, that's when they will cut you and then they do stitches and that's a little tender. Like I said, give it a week, two weeks at the very most, you're out
running. You know, you go, "Yay, this is great. I can do that." And sound awful. Well, you know, you're freaking me out. Does she really need to know all of this? Yes, she does. Do you want to know all this stuff? No. Okay, then he's right. Miss Jessica Miller here to see Hillary Tori. Hi. Hi, Jessica. How you doing? Good. Okay. Go ahead and lay back. The mom Jessica had chosen for the baby. Cat was also at the scan.
You said he's been moving around a lot. Right. Mostly at night though. So, it feels to me like he's head down, but we will absolutely of course double check that with the ultrasound. Let's take Let's see. Go hold your hand. All right. So, let's take a peek here. Hand right here and a little eye socket and a cheek. So, most babies do like to have their hands up by their face. And we're also taking a nice peek at his heart right here. It was a little surreal, the joy of a new life inside Jessica and the knowledge she would in all likelihood not be raising him.
I was curious about Jessica's reasons for choosing adoption. She invited me to the family home in Anaheim to meet her mom, Allison. Hello. Hi, guys. Can we come in? Yeah, sure. Thank you. Here you go. Thank you. You're welcome. Um, this is an a lot for Jessica to go through, correct? And then you have no grandchildren hither, too. This would be the first. Your preference would have been for the baby not to be put up for adoption. We've been supportive. It's been hard.
We've talked about different things, you know, at times of, you know, my husband and I raising the child and then as they got settled, you know, being able to uh give him back over to them so then they could proceed, but uh it was a little bit too far down the line. We kind of had a little blow up about it, which wasn't the best. Um sometimes it gets a little heated and we don't see eye to eye. We're learning a little bit better to communicate and you know we're still working through that and it can be quite turbulent. Yes. Physical. Sometimes I will drink a little bit too much and then my uh my emotions get the better of me and then certain situations might come out and then we get into it a little bit more. So,
we've we've tried to resolve them um over the year just trying not to get physical with each other. Um as far as the tiffs, wrinkles, the um the blowups in your relationship with each other that would change your attitude to um having the baby? Oh, like keeping the baby? M I'm still not fully an adult yet. So my mentality is just okay. I don't think I'm able to raise a child at this point. At the same time, I see it as a way for him to grow as a human and learn more traits with them and learn more stuff than what we could probably provide for him here. What is your heart of heart feeling about it?
It's very hard. I'm losing. You okay? Yeah. Are you really okay? Yeah. No, I am. I'm losing my grandchild. even though I know he's going to be raised by a good loving couple that can't have children, but it's still a part of me that's going that I won't be able to be a part of. So, I try to stay neutral and I don't try to cry in front of her because I don't want to influence, you know, the decision behind that. And it's it's tough. Maybe I'll only get to see pictures of him, which would be better than, you know, having a closed adoption where I would never get to see him at all. when he's born, it'll be like a death in the family again for me, except there's no closure
because, you know, there's no place to go to mourn except in my heart. How does that make you feel? Kind of makes me hurt a little. And I'm not doing it to be mean or spiteful, but I'm, you know, it's just it's a part of, you know, it's a part of the grieving process. And, you know, for Cat and Dan, they'll be able to fulfill their family that they can't do themselves. That's where I guess I find solace in, you know, the whole bit. One of open adoption selling points is the possibility of staying in touch post birth in a big extended family. This is it.
Very nice. Can I have a go? Isaiah Stuck was adopted at birth from his biological mom, Trina Williams. Can I just try riding it? Yeah. This doesn't go up any, does it? No. Now 10 years on, a reunion was on the cards. Lou, don't kill yourself. I broke my arm riding down there. He's okay. So, did they tell you much about why we're filming? I pretty sure it's about me being adopted, right? Yes. Yep.
Yeah. I know why. I'm excited to meet my birth mom. I bet. I'm very excited. What do you think it's going to be like? It's going to be exciting. Your mom said that you'd been keen to meet her for a while. Oh, yeah. I've been waiting for like 10 years. Every time I had a birthday, I would cry sometimes because she wasn't there. I wondered about the challenges of raising a child not biologically yours and what it had been like for Isaiah's mom, Joanne. So Isaiah's always known uh that he was adopted around four. Yeah. Is when we really started saying, "Hey, you weren't in my
tummy." Um and they say, "Well, why?" And I explained cuz my tummy was broken. And then you kind of introduce you the fact that there was this other lady that held you in her tummy for 9 months and gave birth to you. And then you kind of have to explain, you know, that she couldn't take care of you and she wanted to have two parents, a mommy and a daddy. And um they kind of start to get it from there. What connection is there between a birth mom and a child? It seems to be a connection that's um just there um from birth. And I know that Isaiah feels that um the connection seems to be in the heart even though he's never met her.
Yeah. I think it's something that crosses every adopting mom's mind, like what if he gets to a certain age and decided, I really want to live with my birth mother. I want to be with her. Um, so yeah, that's that's that happens. How would you deal with that? It would hurt. Um, because I want them to want to be with us, you know? I think that's why a lot of adopting parents might not want the birth mothers around because people ask you, you know, where's this real mom? And sometimes I'll say, well, you're looking at her and or sometimes I'll say, well, she lives in Texas. Just
depending on my mood, cuz we're both his real mom. He has two moms. Why me? Yes, you go. I'm not that good. Yeah, shoot. I'm not that good. So, yes. Yeah. Trina, do you know what you're going to call her, Isaiah? Oh, I'm going to call her mom, but I call Mama Muma. So, that's Muma. And then for real, Muma. I call her muma. Right. Dada. Hi, Nathan. Hi. How are you, Louis? How you doing? Good. How are you? Yeah, good. Nice to meet you. Joanne's husband, Nathan, arrived home and with him their oldest son, Ethan, also adopted.
Very good. Ethan. Yeah. Louie, how you doing? Yeah. How's it going? Nice to meet you. How are you? Good. Hi. Uh Isaiah Joanne was saying that she's told you all along, you know, that you were adopted, right? Yeah. And how much do you talk about how the adoption came about? Do you know much about that? What why it happened? I know my dad kind of I think abused her, right? Is that what happened? Well, maybe. Yes. Something like that. Yeah. And then he did like drugs and stuff. Yeah. So, I'm glad I'm adopted. Lizard.
Lizard. There's a lizard. So, there he goes. There's two. Oh jeez. It's gone. In Anaheim, at her latest motel, Patricia was preparing for a Skype call with the family she'd chosen for her baby, Ari and Amy Lond in Texas. Amy. Ari, how are you? Good. How are you? I'm doing great. And I've got Patricia here with me. Hi. Nice to meet you. So nice to meet you. Likewise. So, here we are. Now is the time to start finding way questions and get to know each other. It's exciting time for the three of you right now. That's what I was going to ask is what made you think about adoption and how do you feel about it? And
um I have mixed feelings about it. Um I'm obviously not technically happy that I'm doing it, but I am happy that I'm doing it. you know, I never thought I would be in this position ever, but I don't have family and I know how it is to be by yourself and that's so important to have um stability and family and people to be there for you when you need them and I can't provide that for her. So, one of the questions I was going to ask you was what about our profile caught your attention? With my kids, I'm real silly, you know? I'm I probably embarrass them more than they're always like, "Mom," you know, and I think that's important to be able to be um you know, to be silly and not be so serious all the time. And the fact
just the way I loved your co your Halloween costume uh one year I made my daughter a skunk. She was a baby. And the fact that you guys were little pigs I thought was awesome. I'm like, "Oh my god, that's something I would do." You know, I just I thought it was so cute. It was so nice to meet you. Likewise. We just want to tell you how thankful we are that I know this is such a hard decision for you, but we are thankful that we get to be a part of it with you and go through it with you and I want you to know that we realize what a gift you're giving us. Thanks. All right. Well, we'll be in contact soon, folks.
Perfect. Thank you. All right. Have a great one. I think the only question that was kind of lurking behind the scenes was you come across as so um self-possessed and confident that the question would be what in your life is making you incapable of being a mother to them. No, no, no, no. I think that's wording it wrong. Not incapable. She has her reasons. Her life has kind of gone the wrong way for a while now. But that didn't come up in the conversation. No. I don't But I think that would be more personal. Yeah. I don't know if they want to know. There's too many what ifs. Like even just something simple like if I was to get sick right now, there was there's literally nobody that would come to help
me. I don't have that. I don't have anybody. I don't have anybody that I could say, "Oh, I know for sure that this person will help me with the baby." Well, we've spoken about that and I'm just curious whether they wonder what it is uh that's stopping you from being trust me, I've had a lot of people in my life tell me, "Oh, you know, you could do it yourself." And it's not about that. She's having the opportunity to have a much better life, you know, and be happier and just everything be wanted, be loved, and be Absolutely. Yeah.
Yeah. It's Yeah. With Ari and Amy on board, Patricia's living expenses would now be paid by them at around $1,800 a month. But like many of Irene's birth moms, Patricia had been leading a chaotic life, including some run-ins with the law. I wondered whether Irene and Mel saw any cause for concern. I guess for me it's helpful to know what's motivating this massive decision that she's making. So, do you know Patricia's full criminal history? I don't need to know the whole extent. All I need to know is that she's never been accused of any violent crimes, any with guns, armed robbery, or any of that type of stuff because we would have to share that with the adopted couple.
And is she being tested for drugs? Um, no. But if the couple wants us to, then we can. They do know that she does have a past where she's done drugs and if they want it, we can do it and we'll do it. And we have done it on many. Patricia's aware of that. I think she's full steam ahead. From the moment she saw their photo, she knew that's where she wanted to go. And even before that, the conversations that I had with her, she wanted to move forward in this direction. Today, this is where she wants to go. What's going to be her response tomorrow? Who knows? I'd become curious about the family whose hopes were pinned on a woman they knew little about.
They were now several weeks and thousands of dollars into the process with no guarantee of a baby at the end of it. Wow. Watch out. How far have you got along in terms of preparing for the landing of the baby? Have you got a space mapped out? I could show you, but it's not mapped out. Yes. Created. No. This will be the baby's room, and we own everything to make it her room, but we haven't done it yet.
You said you have a name for the wall. Yes, we actually have had her name picked out since we started the adoption process a year ago. Isaac, what's our baby's name going to be? Baby Maya. Oh, wow. Where's baby Maya going to sleep? In my crib. Yeah, it's going to be her crib now, right? How are you going to help with the baby? Like feeding her bottle? Yeah, her bottle. Changing her diapers. I don't do that usually. Mom and dad do That's mommy and daddy's job. my point.
What's behind having another baby and specifically to adopt rather than other ways? I suppose we lost two uh pregnancies in between tall and Isaac and we had a difficult time with Isaac's pregnancy. I had to take shots every day and all sorts of medication. So, we could spend a lot of money to get pregnant again and make it complicated or we could spend a lot of money and adopt a baby as far and not go through all the health issues. So, between skipping the health issues and we wanted a fourth child, I'm one of four, he's one of four, we've always wanted four. So, we thought this is the way to do it. And I finally get to adopt a baby.
Has this been expensive? Very. Go on, give me an idea. Uh about 50 of the 50,000. Yeah. Yes. If she changes her mind, I think we get back nothing. Like 10 like nothing. It's a little stressful. But you're not allowing that to upset your sense of optimism about this. He will remind me like if we get a baby, which is and then I'll say I think that enough like I don't need help, you know? So we try to keep each other positive. I guess you just have to hope and pray that they don't change their mind. So, when you go into this baggage claim area, there's usually um they the people come down on an escalator. In Sacramento, Isaiah's birth mom,
Trina, was due to fly in from Texas. Oh, there's some people coming. Why does everyone have their hair dyed? 10 years after a baby was handed over at a hospital, it would be a test of how open adoption can work. She's got to hurry up. It landed It only landed 5 minutes ago, I think. Oh, 5 minutes ago. Oh, okay. We might have a couple minutes then. Isaiah's excitement was clear. I could only assume Joannne's feelings were more complicated. I can't believe it's been 10 years. This is crazy.
There she is. Look how pretty. Oh my god. Go get her. She's gorgeous. How are you? You're beautiful. Watch out. Oh my god, you are so beautiful. Hi, how are you? Good. Look, I'm all messy. Hi. So, are you guys look at you? You look pretty awesome. How are you? Oh, good. Hello. So good to see you. How have you been? You look beautiful. Oh, thank you. Look at you. Isn't she so beautiful? Hi, baby.
You did a good job. I know. Doing a good job. Thank you. You okay, honey? Yeah. You had an okay flight? It was okay. Yeah. So, we are parked like out there. Oh, okay. Oh, goodness. You're here. I'm here. You made it. I did. Oh, thank you, Jesus. Back home, when some of the emotion had settled down, I took a moment to catch up with Trina and Isaiah. I um I told you when you were in my tummy that I loved you and that I was just giving you a chance to have a better life, have a good life with good people.
I always wanted you to be okay. You know, one of the questions that I remember asking them before he was born was if there was anything that were to happen to you, what would you do with Isaiah? And they said we would give him back to you. Um, and that was so special because I never thought that they would include me later on down the line. You know, they say it's an open adoption and you hope for the best and you know, you get your pictures and you have your contact and you write your letters, but you know, for them to have um included me for his future meant the world to me. Honestly, I was astounded by that.
Grateful that they would even include me. They're beautiful people. Yeah, especially me. Especially you. Yeah, it's funny. You want to play video games? Yeah, maybe in a minute. All right. I'll be in a little bit. All right. Bye. Love you. Love you, too. This is awesome. Do you think it's possible that with the right support you could have um been a mother to Isaiah? Uh if you'd connected with services in some way, I'm going to say no. And I'm going to tell you why. I was in my addiction and
although I had went straight while I was pregnant um and I was clean and sober for him to be born, I wasn't done living that lifestyle. I wasn't ready to quit. I wasn't ready to I had no business being a mom. I was high every day or drunk every day. What was the drug? Methamphetamines. Meth. Yep. You were in your early 30s then. Yeah, that's when I met his dad and we were selling drugs together and doing drugs together. And so, uh, when I got pregnant, we got into an altercation one night. He came home extremely high, angry, alcohol in his breath, and, uh, he beat me pretty bad while I was pregnant with Isaiah. left me there on the floor. And I remember praying to God and I said, "If you save me and this baby, I promise
I'll do what's right for him." And I tried to find him the best family I could that I thought would love him and take care of him. I couldn't have done this three, four years ago. I just couldn't have. But, you know, I'm sober. Um, I'm living a good life, a Christian life. God has been really good to me. Um, and I'm to the point now where I can be a little more open and honest about where I've been and what I've come through and uh who I am today. I'm I'm kind of proud of who I am now. It's not so bad. Life is good. That evening, the facilitator who'd helped Nathan and Joanne with their two adoptions was hosting an extended
reunion. Let's eat, ladies and gentlemen. Heck yeah. As well as Trina, Ethan's birth mom, Jennifer, was also there. Look at our family. I know, right? It's huge. It's awesome. One vast family, biological and adoptive, that it could happen seemed a tribute to open adoption. I love you. I love all of you. Whether it would lead to a closer ongoing relationship was hard to predict, but for the moment, there was plenty to celebrate. In Anaheim, Jessica was in hospital 2 weeks past her due date and nudging
towards a medically induced delivery. Hello. Did you sleep okay last night? Kind of. Woke up at midnight and going to go back to bed. You're looking good. With her was Irene and the birth father, Brandon Russo. I've got to say, you are looking a lot fresher than Brandon is. Are you okay, Brandon? Uh, just tired. Tired? But you've been napping a little on the sofa. No, definitely. Have they given you any sense of how long it could take, Jessica?
No. They said it could take up to hours, and I'm fine with that. So, it's like I don't know how long it's going to take. Who knows? Well, we should let you rest. Okay. You got a job ahead of you yet? Yeah. Two pushes you get, though. Okay. All right. Well, we'll check in a bit later. See you later, guys. Okay. Among those anxiously waiting were Cat and Dan, the intended adoptive parents. My stomach's churning a little bit.
I bet. So, this could be not till tomorrow morning. So, you're trying to figure out your next move. Do they sit here all night long or I mean, if I were having a baby, I would be up anyway. So, I'm thinking just powering through this. Okay. I wouldn't be here. That's a good way to look at it. That's a really good way to look at it. Compounding their stress was an experience they'd had earlier in the year with a birth mother who ended up keeping her baby and had also been taking money from another couple. I took her to every single doctor's appointment and I spent so much time with her and the fact that she was lying to us. I mean, we built a relationship with her and the that was almost more painful that not more
painful, the whole experience was painful, but that the fraud, the lying was the betrayal. Yeah. Mhm. So you went from being excited for a baby in addition to your family and then in the space of a couple of weeks it all just actually in a day we were at the hospital day at the hospital when she called me she was almost uncontrollable and crying and um actually I don't know that we want to bring all this stuff up. We're supposed to be happy right now. Come on. Well, I got to have smiles on her face and um be happy for this situation that Jessica's presenting. Baby Cielle arrived in the small hours of December 9th, weighing 9 lb 2 oz. But the happy news also meant the decision of whether Brandon and Jessica would really go through with the
adoption was suddenly very real. And now there was the complicated question of who took precedence for visiting the baby. At the back of the line were Jessica's parents. How you doing, guys? So, the baby's here. Are you okay? No. It's a lot to take on, isn't it? You feel a bit left out of the process? No, I feel a lot left out. Brandon went in and Cat went in and that's the last we That's all we got. I went in there and said, "I'd at least like to find out what's what's going on with my daughter." They said, "Oh, she's in um surgery right now and that's the last we heard until Brandon came out and said, "Oh, she's out of surgery." The
baby was 9 lb 2 oz. And that was all he gave us. Cat and Dan got the baby straight after he was born. Mhm. Evidently within like an hour. We respect the parents. It's their child, you know. It's our grandchild. grandchild by biologically, but it's their child to raise for them. They're winners. It's fantastic. I'm happy. I think they'll be great parents. I believe honestly they're the winners. We are the losers in my in our my opinion because we've just lost our we've lost a grandchild.
We're hurt. Very hurt. I love him and I hope him the best and he'll always be in my heart and I wish him the best. if he wouldn't want to get in touch with me. Please don't have any anger towards his mother for what they chose to do. Moments later, Cat and Dan invited Allison and Jay to spend some time with the baby. By law, Jessica now had 30 days to make up her mind about whether to go through with the adoption, but she could also choose to release the baby straight away. With all this hanging in the air, Irene arrived and I joined her in a visit to the new mother. Oh, good. Congratulations, Jessica. And congratulations, Brandon. So, have you seen the hunk? After he was born, they didn't show him to you.
I was out cold. Did they put you totally to sleep? No, I passed. No, she fell asleep. So, Brandon, you were awake for the delivery. Did you get a good look at him? I was happy to see him and check him out, make sure he was good and healthy. And they seemed pleased. They were really happy. Cat kept talking about how perfect he was. He had red face. So that's one of the things I remember. The baby is supposed to have a nice big red face and a full head of hair. I mean, the baby is with Cat and Dan, but as of this moment, legally, you know, he's he's yours. He belongs to you. You know that, right?
You still feel on board with everything and the process of the adoption and everything else. Yeah. It's pretty much relief that he's healthy and such. So, it's like I'm happy, he's healthy. It's like it's always what we want for a baby. It's like, yay. Well done, Jessica. You've done brilliantly. You're a star. And try and get some rest. And we'll see you in a little bit. I thought it was important to remind Jessica and Brandon that the decision to place Cielle was still not final. But after the visit, Irene took me aside for a word.
Sometimes the questions are a little bit hard. You don't like my questions? No, I like most of them, but sometimes it's a little bit hard. I think it's important that people get a sense that it is difficult. Yes. Yes, you know, it is a huge decision and that Brandon and Jessica because they're reserved and they don't display their emotions readily that doesn't mean that they're not feeling it deeply. Of course. Do you ever feel maybe she doesn't want to make it too real to herself? Even though she's developed a relationship with Cat and Dan, she doesn't want too much of a relationship with them because it just keep Well,
it's it's a reminder and it's it's just, you know, she's trying to keep this separate. She's trying to not to bond. Two days after the birth, Jessica proved firm in her decision to place Cassiel for adoption. And by mutual agreement, he was released to Cat and Dan. I know. All right. Okay. You're done. It was a moment charged with profound happiness and sadness. A decision almost too momentous to comprehend or to judge. For Jessica and Brandon, an immeasurable loss for Cat and Dan. A life-changing gift.
Patricia was being increasingly elusive, tending to meet Irene only when there was money to be exchanged. I was becoming concerned that she was still involved with drugs and that her intentions might not be entirely honorable. Well, this place looks pretty rough around the edges. Yeah. Oh, this is good for some of them. She's been out. This place is grim. Patricia, we are at the hotel to give you the money to pay your friend. Call me. Otherwise, I have to leave. Period. Patricia Rogers.
Hey, we're still here at the hotel. Where are you at? Hi. Um I'm on Dallas Lincoln. You we ran out of gas. So you ran out of gas. Yeah, it has been terrible today. I don't even want to Well, I thought you were going to stay here at the hotel. I don't know. There's other hotels in the area. I can look online really quick to see what's closed and I can meet you. Um we're just we're trying to get some gas right now. Who's she with? Oh, hold on. Hold on just a second. Okay, I muted it. So, what do we want to do?
She doesn't sound good. Shall we um drive down there and um bring them some gas? All right, we'll come. We'll come bring gas. Okay. Okay. Thank you. All right. Bye. Let's go. In 1.1 miles, turn left onto South Harbor Boulevard. Pretty You don't have a gas can? No, we don't. I didn't bring it. I didn't even think about it. Where do you put the gas then to get over here to the gas station?
We'll have to buy a gas can. Okay. Thank you. Uhhuh. I don't know how to pump gas. So, I guess you get to pump gas. Okay. So, they got we got to fill it up. Okay. Thank you. So, here's 155 because she's got the 20 and the change of the 20. Just to take a step back, it's been a while since we saw you. Nice to see you again. How are you feeling? I've been all right. Yeah.
Is life okay? Um, it's all right. Up and down. Yeah, it's been good up until, you know, stuff happens. Is the adoption still on track? Yeah. You're still just I mean, I would have liked to have been getting more things together than I cuz I'm doing this whole scrapbook thing. Um, but for Ari and Amy. Yeah, we went out to Texas to visit them. Oh, really? Yeah. How was that? Yeah, it was good. Lovely family. Really lovely family. When is your due date again?
The 17th of March. So, you're going into this in good faith. Your intention is to go through with it. And at the same time, um, you are there's a part of you that's going to see how it all feels. Well, yeah. I mean, you don't know until you go through something how it's going to feel or whatever, but um I'm preparing myself the best way I can for it, you know. And you have consistently said it's not about what's best for you, it's about what's best for the baby. Yeah. It's not I'll walk you to the car. Again, any questions or anything, let me know. Is he already here with the um No.
All right. Bye. Call me though if you guys have any questions. Okay, we will do. Thank you. Okay, bye. What is going on? Um, nothing any different than normal. Um, I feel her sincerity with doing it. I feel she's disconnected from a lot of things and dysfunctional. What is your professional opinion on it? I find these vague references to um difficult situations and chaos. Other than knowing that there's been drugs and arrests, you don't really know what else.
Correct. Have they got Patricia? Did you see Patricia in there? She's in the back, I think. Oh, okay. The car's for sale. 600 bucks. Sounds good, doesn't it? Sounds like a good deal. Oh, yeah. But I think I'll pass. In Sacramento, it was more than two months since Isaiah's reunion with his biological mom. Which ones are from Trina? The Trina's are the Hello, sweetheart. Hi, baby boy. What are you up to? Love you. That was the last one. And that was December 14th. So that's a month ago.
Trina had spoken about wanting closer contact. The idea of her moving to California had even been mentioned. I wondered where everything had settled. Do you have a hope for how it will go now? Like what how do you expect that relationship to go now? I don't want it to be like where we don't talk at all, but I just want it to be like every once in a while we talk. Yeah. Would you like her to move out here? Yeah. And if she doesn't move, for whatever reason, if she doesn't, how will you be?
I'll be fine. I understand. But do you feel a connection? Yeah. Based on because she looks like you or just a kind of something that you can't quite put into words. Yeah. Because she's a family, you know. I guess you could say things are back to normal. Just knowing that she's part of his life, I think, has been a positive for him. He seems happier. Y I think it was a kind of like icing on the cake for him. The counterargument, I suppose, is does it undermine the adoptive parents? Does it confuse the family?
I think it depends on the um on the way that you approach the situation. I don't know. I think it kind of alienates a child too if he feels like, you know, there's something there. You're not telling me. There's not the whole truth. But I think they feel more uphold when they have all the answers in front of them and there's like nothing tricky about it. Nothing weird. It's more normal. I think I hope it's not an unfair question, Ethan. But did you ever have a sort of at any time feel any sense of missing something? I did at first think, you know what, my life could have been complete different people. Yeah. But it's like, I mean, yeah, that's all nice and, you know,
it's cool to think about, but I feel like this turned out way better, especially with the whole father figure thing. This guy, I don't think I could have chosen a better father or not chosen, but I've received a better father figure. So, he's using a good kid. Proud of them. Yeah. This one, too. Yeah. Yeah, pride and joy. Yeah, I don't have any kids out of my own loins, but I didn't want them. I wanted these ones. Yeah. Never wanted it. It's been a blessing. That thing goes, man. He couldn't help admiring the strength Joanne and Nathan had shown in including their children's birth moms in their lives.
It was clear Isaiah had been enriched by the connection. It was also, I imagined, a source of great comfort for Trina, too. But for all the positives open adoption can create, its downside can be huge. In Texas, word had reached me of problems with Ari and Amy's adoption. Hi, Ari. How are you doing? Good to see you. May I come in? The situation was not entirely clear. Can you tell me a little bit about what happened? I got a call from Irene and she said, "Are you sitting down? Is Ari with you?" And I said, "No." She said, "Patricia had delivered the baby herself in the hotel room and um didn't tell
anyone and we don't know where she is cuz she's not staying at the hotel she told us she was staying at." But a day or two later, she did respond to Irene and say, "Why won't you all leave me alone so I can enjoy my new baby? You guys are ruining this for me." Um she made me pretty angry. Um because you know that's it's the point where I still am telling my kids and our life is you know we have an empty baby nursery that we thought we were bringing a baby home to and she um is texting us about how we're ruining her week. Um so but I think that was the last anyone heard from her. I mean for me this has been a very strange um thing to be involved in because you know I had sort of taken her at her word at every step of the way while also
realizing that nothing is 100% and in fact it's only right and fair that a woman should be allowed to change her mind. But the lying that went along with it, like that I had been texting her like about setting up a doctor's appointment, but she'd already had the baby and was responding to me. Really? Oh, yeah. So, we now believe she was lying the entire time. Is your sense that you have been scammed? Mine? Yes. Do you know how much money she got from you? I think it was like about 10,000. It's hard to believe that someone would go into this doing this for $10,000.
Is there anything you would want to say to her? I should have prepared for that question. I really don't know a way to make it better. I mean, there's just no, again, like I said, if she was a 16-year-old girl who had the baby and fell in love with it and you were like, "Oh, well, you know, that's what's best for the baby." Like, it's always good to stay with your birth mother if that's a possibility. No one wants to separate a family that wants to be together. We're not trying to, you know, take a baby from a mother who wants that baby, but there's a way to go about it. And we were ready for her. You know, we have blankets with her name on them, toys, all just all sorts of stuff. So,
that made it even harder. I was boiling bottles. You know, we thought we were having a baby at any moment. Like I went to preschool pickup. The preschool director says, "Where's the baby?" And I have to tell her. And then the next day the music teacher's doing carpool and she says, "Where's the baby?" I mean, also I have moms that I hardly even know saying, "Congratulations, where's the baby?" So, um, I mean, it just makes your day-to-day life difficult everywhere you go telling people there's no baby. So, There is an inbuilt tension in open adoption between the needs of the often vulnerable births and those of the ever hopeful adopters.
It is a process open to abuse and however it happens, pain is intrinsic to it. But I'd also seen it lead to new relationships with fewer secrets, new families, and arguably more love. In Anaheim, I had one last visit to make. 2 months after she said goodbye to her baby, Cielle, I was seeing Jessica. Hey. Hello. How are you? Nice to see you. Nice to see you, too. May we come in? Yeah. Looking good. It's been a little while. Look at you. I've only seen you in a family way before. So, this is the um this is the new you.
Yeah. So, have you been to see him? Yes. Does Cat send you updates? Every now and then. What do they say? Hey, he's doing really well. If we want to see him, we can come see him. Can we see pictures? Yeah. Wow. What a cutie. Yeah, I'm aware that this is an emotional thing for you and through circumstances and the decision you made um you ended up placing him for adoption and you would have to experience that as a loss. I mean, is that part of what you're going through? Uh yeah, I've been able to handle it pretty well, but sometimes it's just some days I just get down with the dumps and nothing to really cheer me up.
Do you find the emotion wells up when you've seen Cassiel? No, it's nothing to do with that especially. No, not at all. It just actually makes me happy I get to see him. It's more what? The separation. Yeah. But the emotions don't cause you to question what you did. They don't ever cause me to question what I did. Even when I was pregnant, I always thought that was the best decision for him. And even now, I still think it was the best decision for him. And for you?
