A Tense Family Reunion Takes a Dark Turn in This SNL Sketch

[Woman speaking indistinctly over P.A.] [Heartfelt music plays] -Son. -Hey, Dad. I heard about your heart attack. -Didn't expect you to come. Wasn't much of a father. -Weren't really a father at all. We haven't talked in. -24 years. -Well, for a second there, um. I was worried we were gonna have to say goodbye. [TV plays indistinctly] -Your sister tells me you have a son of your own now.

-I do. I don't know. It's got me thinking. -About what? -All the things I almost didn't get to tell you. -This bar sucks! It sucks! -Suck my [bleep]. -Oh, yeah? -I just realized I hold a lot of anger towards you. -You know how you can help me? By sucking my dirty [bleep]! -Okay. Just one -- What is this? -Oh my god! How is there so little cheese on that? -Vagina boy. -Uh, sorry. Sir. -Yes? -You mind just turning down the volume a little bit?

-Absolutely. I'm sorry. -Great. Thank you. Dad, I hated you for leaving. -You fat [bleep] bitch! -I'm not fat. Yo mama's a fatty. My momma is a model. -For what? Mobility scooters? -Son, I'm listening. Just say what you have to say. -Um, when you walked out on us, I never wanted to see you again. -What even is the theme of this place? Hawaii in space? -But now that I have a son. -The theme is just Hawaii. -.I just wish I knew you.

-Then why with the Avatar stuff? What are the Na'vi doing in Hawaii? -Exactly. -Okay, sir. -What is wrong with you? -I got stabbed. -Oh my God! I don't think you should be drinking. -Okay. Your son sucks, man. Hats off for leaving him. -Thank you, Thomas. -Why would you hang that up? Why? -It's the day the bar opened. -Nobody wants to think about that. -Dad, when you left us -- -I'm the host.

-I don't do this. I've never done this in my life. You know what? -Don't. Oh, great. You just woke up my chef from his nap. -What is he wearing? -His uniform! -There's too much bush! -I don't think there's enough bush! -I like the bush. -What was that? -I said, being a father is hard. -Yeah, I get that. -This bar suuuuuuuuuuucks! -Suck my [bleep]! -Stop saying bad words on my show.

-Do you know what? You still should have been there for me. -[Bleep] isn't a bad word. -Well, it sure as [bleep, bleep] ain't a good word, sister. Ow! -I was just a little kid. You still should have been my dad. -I know, son. I'm sorry. -I've always wanted to hear you say that. -I will [bleep] end your life! -Everyone relax now! -Can you forgive me? -I don't know, Dad. -[Screams] Do it! -Wait! I'm not even the owner, I'm just the manager.

-I'm the chef. -Son. -I'm gonna find whoever owns this place, stab them in the neck, and then I'm gonna go to the hospital and finish the job! -I love you, Son. -I love you. -You! -[Screams]