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I need some good news. I need some relief and I'll tell you why because as many of you know that big Freedom 250 concert that I'd so been looking forward to And someone in the audience just died. The concert I've so been looking forward to has run into some problems. Six musical artists originally announced as performers now dropping out. Many citing political concerns. The Commodores, Martina McBride, Morris Day and The Time, rapper Young MC and Poison frontman Bret Michaels. TOUGH BREAK.
ALTHOUGH AT THIS POINT, WOULDN'T HE JUST BE MC? Or Brother, I feel you. Or just like you're as young as YOU FEEL MC. SI- 60 IS THE NEW 40 MC. This All right. But damn, THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BE A PART OF DONALD TRUMP'S personal political concert. Is anyone still performing? America is turning 50. I'm super honored to do this concert with everybody. We're going to bring back the '90s. THERE YOU GO. SEE, EVERYBODY DROPPED OUT BUT I FEEL ICE VANILLA ICE DIDN'T DROP OUT. HE SAW a problem and yo, HE SOLVED IT.
HE SOLVED IT. YOU SHOULD REALLY CHECK OUT HIS HOOK. WELL, THIS DJ. All right. Again, say what you want. Very likable fellow. And by the way, the other artist who said that they are not bailing is C and C Music Factory who as you know were devastated by globalization and the offshoring of most of America's music factories. Their frontman, Freedom Williams, had an interesting, I would say somewhat philosophical take on the issue of the intersection of performance and politics. Y'all going to make this pretty 60-year-old unleash on you [__] I'm sitting on the toilet taking a [__] Sir, this is not a good time.
We can certainly come back and discuss this later. But look, you know, let's not focus on where he's making the video or his Katniss and Peeta fan fiction, or the cottagecore wallpaper. Let's focus on the message. The day I let you [__] tell me what to do is the day I die. All right. Pretty straightforward. You love this country, critics be damned. I don't give a [__] about 250 years of [__] capitalism and death. Maybe love was too strong a word.
Why, Freedom, would you do the show celebrating 250 years of [__] capitalism and death? [__] You keep pushing me, I'll do the [__] show in North Korea pissing on a [__] American flag, smoking a Cuban cigar, drinking Venezuelan rum, playing golf with [__] Kim El June with a Iranian [__] on my lap, while Trump standing there with dick in his hand. BY THE WAY, WHO'S KIM EL JONG? IS THAT LIKE THE MEXICAN Kim Jong Un?
And he might be my favorite person in the world. But by the way, IF YOU THOUGHT FREEDOM WILLIAMS RANTING ABOUT our murderous nation and our president with his dick in his hand is the weirdest thing about how this concert is coming together, GUESS AGAIN. According to CNN, quote, "The concert lineup was heavily tilted toward Legacy Acts, and many of them share the same booking agent in Jeff Epstein of UNIVERSAL ATTRACTIONS." TADA! JEFF EPSTEIN OF Universal Attractions is in charge of, forgive me, recruiting talent for a DONALD TRUMP PARTY? THAT'S what you're telling me? In planning our country's 250th birthday, somebody had to go into Donald Trump's office and say,
"I know JUST THE GUY." AS AMERICA heads towards its 250th birthday, there are partisan and non-partisan celebrations happening all over the US. But how is a country so divided approaching this big day? I went to New Orleans for an America 250 event full of navy boats and tall ships to check out the festivities. Happy birthday, AMERICA. WOOHOO! IT'S FOR the 250th anniversary of America. which one that is? Bicentennial? Is that bicentennial? That's two. That's two tennials. Okay. But we're we're By half centennial? Not a half. A bi It's a bi is the two.
There's a sesqua. Semi It's a quint Twic It's a Quint It's semi It's not quintessential. It's semi quincentenarian. The semi quincentenarian. Quincentenarian? Yes. We're celebrating America's semi quincentenarian. I don't even know. A bi-sesquin Centennial? The 250th. Okay. If 25 is silver and 50 is gold, what the hell do you get for a semi-quincentennial? What do you give a country that has everything?
Besides health insurance and responsible gun reform. What do you give America? A t-shirt. It's pretty old. What would I get like my grandparents? Probably like some like malware protection. I would give America a nice tall mug of common sense. It doesn't smell like common sense. I have more Would you like some I usually wait till after 5:00 to have my common sense. A new ballroom, maybe? Of course. That's great.
Are you excited about the ballroom? I am. Yeah? Yeah. Why is that? What's so exciting about the ballroom? we need it. Yeah? I do. You know, I remember going to the voting booth and being like, "The first priority for me a good space for the Lindy Hop." That's important. And depending on who you're asking, America's either the hottest country or an empire in decline. We've made it 250 years. How many more do you think we have? Infinite, huh? Infinite. That's an optimist right there. Come on.
You're an optimist or you don't read the news. No where are we going? We're not going anywhere. This is the end, the beginning of the end, the start of the end, however you want to put that, it's We're on our way out. I don't know where we're going, um but we're going somewhere. I just I look at all the other countries, America's in its teenage years. You think we're that youthful? Have you seen the Senate? But Americans know age is nothing but a number, especially when you consider our youthful commander-in-chief. How do you think the president's doing? Great. Real great. How do you think the president's doing? Oh, you know what I mean? You want to be honest? Pretty [__] Pretty [__] I think Trump's doing well.
The economy has grown, and we're not having wars everywhere. Is that true? Well, we're in Iran. Hopefully that ends soon. We are in war, but we aren't in a war. I mean, I think Trump is trying to be a kinder, gentler type guy. A more statesman this time. You think Trump's been a little bit more statesman this time? Yes, I do. He did talk about erasing an entire civilization.
He did. That feels a little less statesman-y to me. Sometimes it's a lot of talk. Has Trump reached out to you to help with opening up that Strait of Hormuz at all? Uh, no, but if he did, I can't say that I'd sail briskly under that command. going to say, even a man pretending to be a pirate is like, come on, man. You got to put some time and effort into that. Uh, show me the plan. How do you think the president's doing? The country, I feel like it's starting to go God, wouldn't it be better direction?
He ran on no new wars. Very true. What do you think about all the new wars? True. You got me there. That's okay. Yep. Release those Epstein files. I agree there. Yes. How do you think about those Epstein files not being released? I think the wars are more so to cover that to get people's attention away from that, so nobody's focused. Would you vote for him again? I don't know. You don't know. Okay. Starting a war to distract from not releasing the Epstein files is definitely a almost deal breaker.
Yes. Okay. A strong almost. One potential deal breaker for even some Republicans has been Trump's on-again, off-again settlement funds set aside for allies and J6ers who claimed judicial persecution. I think those people the people at January 6th weren't treated as fairly as other protesters have been. They you don't think they were treated fairly? I don't think they were treated fairly at all. You think they deserve some cash? I think they do deserve a little bit of money based on what happened.
Okay, so this guy spraying the cop with pepper spray. How much money should he get? Is this like a 100 grand? Well, I don't know. Not that guy. Guy who wore the camp Auschwitz sweatshirt at January Not that guy either. He shouldn't get any. No. What about this guy? Well, this guy already got a souvenir. You take that off? Like if you're going to get a 100 thousand dollars that picture. That's funny. It's funny. Yeah. Does humor get you a little bit more cash? Well, I don't know. So, America is as divided as ever. But here in the Big Easy, there are places where partisanship fades away and true perspective can be found.
In this moment, we're all together and we're happy and in the I see people of all walks of life and they're all being accepted here in New Orleans. This is the American experiment right here, right? Yes. It's mostly an experiment of how many alcohols can you put in your body and throw up before 7:00 p.m. Yeah. A little bit. Yes. Yeah. What drink is most representative of America? A hurricane? I would maybe say a hand grenade.
What's a hand grenade? It really has a LOT OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF alcohol in one and it has some consequences the next day, but night of, it's a really great time. And it looks like an actual weapon of war. Yeah. Okay, America. I'll see you at the next 250 event right after I get some Pedialyte. It's America's 250th birthday and our government is preserving this moment in a very special way. As part of the celebration, Congress has mandated the creation of a time capsule. The commission's chairwoman Rosie Rios says, quote, "We want future generations to have a clear authentic window into who we were at 250." So in 250 years, when future Americans open this time capsule, will they be jealous of the golden age we're
currently living in? I'm asking present-day patriots what they think. Now, why is 2026 the best year in American history to preserve for future generations? Cuz it's it's not. Not really. Oh. Well, I don't think it's the best year to preserve for future generations. say it's not the best. I'd say it's the worst. Did you see how 2026 started? Yes. Zendaya released like nine movies. What do you think we can put into this time capsule that's representing America in 2026, the height of American society? thinking like a pile of [__] maybe.
I think if somebody went and took a [__] right outside the White House, pick it up, put in a time capsule. Oh, that's gross. Surely people have more positive ideas and less feces-based ones. What do you think we should put in this time capsule? Lena Dunham's new memoir. Lena Dunham's new memoir, Fame Sick. That's a really good idea. The people of the future definitely need Lena Dunham's memoir, Fame Sick. There was a picture of a burning Cybertruck in front of Trump's tower. I figured that quite encapsulates a few things. What do you think is more important to put in the time capsule? This map that shows Canada, Greenland, and Cuba still
as independent countries, or this Labubu? This map, I guess. Yeah, cuz we don't know in 250 years if it's they're still going to be independent. Well, we don't know if they're still going to be independent in 250 minutes. That's true. Labubus are forever. Okay. All the pessimism on the streets was starting to get to me, and soon I found myself drinking the haterade. Is there an item that you think represents America that you would put in the time capsule? I'm a teacher, elementary, so a children's book.
It's funny that you think children might know how to read in 250 years. We've already lost cursive. What are some other items, maybe even from the Trump era, that could go in there? Do you think RFK Jr.'s brain worm would survive in there? I do. I want a voice memo of him speaking just in general to be in there. Do you think people in the future would know that's a human speaking? No. Yeah. No. I know what I would put in the time capsule. I would put this. Yes. But I would also put this. Love that. To show that I have range. like RFK's ringworm is like in your brain.
Thank you. But in 250 years, who will even be around? Will these headshots from the time capsule? I don't know if there's going to be like a civilization to access it. They'll probably be wearing hazmat suits and you know. I mean, let's be honest. They'll probably bust this thing open in 65 years in desperate search for food. What do you think America's going to look like in 250 years? Oh my god. They should split America in two. We should segregate again? I mean, let's face it. In 250 years, America might be a desolate wasteland. So maybe we should put some like survival gear in this time capsule. Maybe fresh water, granola
bars, a gun with a single bullet. Off the top of my head. I'm an optimist. And I used to be. Clearly the best thing to put in this time capsule is an apology letter for the state we left the country in. Maybe we can all write it together. Dear future Americans \{slash\} potential Chinese \{slash\} potential Russian citizens. We're sorry that we made mistakes. Yes. And I'm sorry that I have only attended two No Kings rallies so far. We used to have trees. Hopefully you still have them, but if you don't, we're sorry. That was on us.
We're sorry for not understanding each other well. I'm sorry that my Zoloft prevents me from making active change. Honestly? Honestly. I just want to say good luck, because y'all are going to need it. Things can get better. We're not responsible for any of those things. We may have made things worse, but All right. So, How should we sign this? Regretfully. Regretfully, Americans of 2026 are bad.
America's 250th birthday is right around the corner, and President Trump is celebrating it with a ballroom, a reflecting pool, and an arch. All stuff that was not on our Amazon wish list. America asked for health care, god damn it. We sent you a link and everything. Now, technically, Trump is not really allowed to build most of these things, but when has that ever stopped him? The Washington Post is now reporting that the Trump administration is planning on building the arch without Congress's approval. The administration argues that it doesn't need Congress's approval because lawmakers a century ago
authorized a somewhat similar project that was never built. Man, I just can't figure this administration out. They're not looking for congressional approval for a war with Iran, but they have lawyers going through all the old laws doing a control F for the word arch. How did they find this? I mean, the but Trump isn't the only one commemorating America's birthday. We here at The Daily Show are celebrating as well. And there are so many great moments in history to look back on. Although, when you think about it, maybe not as many as you think. America's history is complicated. Our once proudest moments now problematic.
Our triumphs morally gray. Milestones eroded by backlash. Our beloved heroes are now gross. But there's still one moment in American history that brings us all together. The 1992 Olympic basketball dream team. Bang! The most incredible basketball players ever assembled. And also, Christian Laettner. It's literally the last thing all Americans can look at and just say, "That was awesome." Boom shakalaka. Americans must forever reckon with stealing the lands of indigenous people. But we'll never have to apologize for Barkley stealing the rock four times
against Brazil. Uno, dos, tres, quatro. Walking on the moon now just reminds us of the conspiracy theories destroying the fabric of our nation. But how about this fabric? The big head t-shirt of the Dream Team. Man, that sure was cool. I had six of them. The end of the Cold War collapsed our political consensus. But the Dream Team collapsed everyone's defense. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this backboard. The Dream Team has no dark past to revisit. No statues to tear down. Just absolute dominance by the greatest basketball players of all time. And Christian Laettner.
Were they perfect? Was their top competition Valderrama's Kamikaze's of Lithuania? Did some of them have a gambling problem? Did Michael Jordan's son end up dating Scottie Pippen's ex-wife, which sounds even weirder when you realize she must have known him as a baby? Well, shut the [__] up, okay? Don't take this from us, too. Just enjoy this American exceptionalism. So, happy birthday, America. Thanks for the Dream Team. The one thing we all agree we can be proud of. And Christian Laettner. Hello, I'm velvet-tongued carpenter Nick Offerman. Everyone knows it's important to remember the birthday of the one you love, and the one I love is America.
Don't worry, my wife Megan knows, and she's not into it. And this year happens to be a particularly big birthday for America. Communities from sea to shining sea celebrating 250 years since the Declaration of Independence was signed proclaiming freedom from Great Britain and the birth of a new nation. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA. [screaming] ARE YOU ONE? Are you two? Are you three? And so on. America's semi-quincentennial is here and to throw its semi-quincentenniera, I hope we have a great party planner. In my campaign for president, I pledged
to give America the most spectacular birthday party the world has ever seen for America's 250th anniversary. Sure, Trump. Plan the party. It's not like you have anything else going on. Gas prices are hovering just below Fury Road levels, but have fun picking out the balloons. Hang on. Perhaps I am rushing to judgement. We can only hope Trump puts as much love into America's birthday as he would for Jeffrey Epstein's. I ABHOR THE MESSAGE, but I do appreciate a handwritten card. Any [__] can go to Hallmark, but calligraphy shows you care. So, how is the president going to show us he cares about America? For the first time in American history,
the signature of a sitting president will soon be featured on US currency. The Treasury announcing the decision to celebrate the nation's 250th birthday this summer saying President Trump's signature is not only appropriate, but also well deserved. Signing the dollar bills? But, Mr. President, how can you sign them all? For that, you would need AN AUTO PEN. FINE. HE CAN SIGN THE MONEY. At least it's just a signature and not his face. President Trump's face could soon be on US money. A commission hand-picked by Trump himself has approved a design for 24-karat gold coin to commemorate America's 250th birthday.
Wow. A coin with Donald Trump's face. Finally, a way to lose the respect of a gumball machine. I'm not sure about that coin, but I'm really not sure about that pose. He looks like he's trying to pinch one out of a standing toilet. But okay, okay, fine. I guess if it's just one coin, The US Treasury is preparing to put President Trump on a $1 coin to commemorate America's 250th birthday. Another coin? Mr. President, can you please stop putting your face on things I keep in my front pocket, inches from my genitals? As well as my back pocket, inches from MY BUTT HOLE.
YOU KNOW, I WOULD HAVE assumed that the party theme for America's birthday would have been, I don't know, America. But I'm sensing from the party decorations that a different theme is emerging. The commemorative National Park passes for our country's 250th anniversary feature an image of Donald Trump alongside one of George Washington. Oh, come on. Your face on the park passes? I go to national parks to get away from your face. AND TO SEE THOSE IDIOT salmon swim in the wrong [clears throat] direction of the cat. They are so stupid.
Okay. Commem- commemorative coins and park passes will come and go. One day they'll all be lost to time. At least nothing he's doing for America's birthday is permanent. The president is proposing a permanent arch in Washington. It's being called the Arc de Trump. He wants it to be the biggest arch in the world, 250 ft tall to honor the country's 250th anniversary. Small, medium, and large. And uh whichever one they look good. I happen to think the large looks by far the best. Can he play with his model replicas in the basement like a normal demented grandpa?
Can we stop with these self-aggrandizing celebrations like you're some Roman emperor? What's next? Gladiator fights? President Trump announced a UFC fight will take place at the White House on June 14th. This is what it will turn into for UFC with the octagon in the middle. What in the name of Caligula's IS HAPPENING? BLOOD SPORTS FOR THE entertainment of a Caesar is not a show of strength. It's literally the first sign of a declining empire. Number two of course is starting a war in Persia. Oh, [__] Look, it's pretty obvious that President Trump is making this 250th celebration about himself, but we can't let him.
This is America's birthday. It's not about one man, it's about our country and its ideals. So, forget the empty jingoistic posturing and find your own ways to patriotically party down. Go to historical reenactments, or better yet, do your own. If you've never thrown tea into a harbor, you have not lived. Or get into a fistfight with an actual British person. DIBS ON CUMBERBATCH. OR HELL, FORGET THAT. Go into one of those national parks, celebrate America's natural beauty, and while you're there, get in your birthday suit and partake of some tasteful lovemaking with someone you care about. Dibs on Cumberbatch.
MY POINT IS, TECHNICALLY, you will be having a loving patriotic three-way with America. And that is how you celebrate a birthday. But, that's just my opinion. Donald Trump isn't the only one preparing for America's 250th birthday. His Treasury Secretary also has a special surprise for us. And no, it's not affordable groceries. It's something that we didn't even ask for. The administration hoping to mark the big day with a new $250 bill, complete with a portrait of President Trump. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent says his department is ready to PRINT THE BILL.
WOW. WHAT A GREAT PICTURE of both Trump and Bessent. Between the two of them, they have zero normal smiles. Forget Donald Trump's face. I don't want to carry around a $250 bill. Imagine a homeless guy asked me for money, I have to give him that bill. And then ask for $249.50 back. But isn't having your face on money kind of something you have to earn as a president? Why is Donald Trump getting his own bill? Yeah, I don't think that the there's anything untoward about having the President of the United States, the person who was president of the United States on the 250th anniversary bill.
Ah, yes, I see. It's not that he's a good president, he just happens to be the president during the 250th anniversary. It's like how George W. Bush is on the $9.11 bill. Now, those bills are awkward. When you give them to a homeless guy, you got to ask for $8.61 back?
