9:20
I'm Ash, and I am here to kill one of my most viral BuzzFeed videos. The video that I want to kill today is things guys do that would be weird if girls did them. As soon as I saw the title, I was like, I bet you this is the one I want gone. And I watched like 2 seconds of it and I'm like, get it out of here. I can't with this. There's so many reasons that I want to kill this video. I know it was so stereotypical in this way that is just not helpful. I'm sure that a part of me did that video to prove to myself that I was a woman, to cover up sides of myself that I was trying to hide as a trans man. Hey Ashley. No, I'm a boy. A lot of videos were like, girls versus boys. I mean, that's kind of always been
a theme. Like, men are from Mars, girls are from Venus. I really clung to being the awkward girl, almost like a defense mechanism, because it was an easy way for me to define myself. I do think it like made me lean into being the awkward girl, kind of continuing that path beyond developmentally when I was the awkward girl. By the time I left BuzzFeed, I was a development partner running a huge channel and was involved in big business meetings. It just became more and more about output. Nobody had the time to be like, what do we think culturally this is going to mean to gender politics? It was just like, looks good, ship it out.
I wouldn't say that I hate this video. So much of art is practicing. The hard [snorts] thing about being an internet creator, when somebody googles you, you don't get to decide what they see. I just don't need this to be on the internet anymore. And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to kill a video that I have to watch, which I didn't think about when we were doing this. I thought that we could just delete it and I wouldn't have to cringe through it. Lord almighty. First off, that sound that Oh. Manspreading. sir. I'm just going to Ben is reading The Defining Decade, which I had on my desk cuz I was like trying to figure myself out. Ben was often in videos cuz he was a great actor.
Oh my god. Just me blurring out my crotch. I learned how to do that effect so well because I was naked in maybe every single Violet video. On the cover of my laptop, it says Ashley's favorite things cuz I had just done a video of if I was Oprah. And then it has two pictures of AP 1989 cuz I was obsessed with Taylor Swift and had also done a video of if I was Taylor Swift. So, that sets the scene for what was happening. Something that I'm like impressed by is it's not cringey. Like I think a lot of people overuse the word cringe now, especially of like millennials are so cringey, all this stuff they did. But, it was more just like, "Wow, in a
pre-Trump world, we had so much carefree energy to be like, I'm going to do this really little skit." All right. The next title card is peeing. I'm horrified already. Wait, hold on, dude. I'm going to pee real quick. Yep. The sound, I remember having to look up pee sounds for this. And yet, I was not at that point like, "This is weird." Also, Gabbie Hanna, she was a resident, so she came for a month and was just in a bunch of different videos. I'm sure she would want this deleted, too. Oh god. I think I'm adjusting my vagina as if I had balls.
Yep. Oh. This is harder than I thought it was going to be to watch this. No shame. Perfect, cuz that's what I would title this entire era of my life. No shame about what? I already adjusted my balls and peed against a wall. Facy, farting. And high-fiving. Bonding, okay. Not taps, maybe? Yes. Nice. Emmy Award winner Quinta Brunson tapping her butt. She was wearing her little hat cuz I think that week she must have done a video called when you get a new hat. Damn, you wearing a hat today. Classic, and I'm just slapping her in the butt. Good one. Good job. Maybe I don't want this deleted. Bro-ing out. Sup, Neil?
Bro. Sometimes words aren't needed. Getting comfy. I've already spread everything that can be spread, touched other people non-consensually, and peed on the side of a building. I have no idea what is what's happened. Yep, reaching down again. Uh-huh. So, that was the same beat. All of these are just like boys are gross. Indifference. Hey, where do you want to get dinner? Yeah, there's that one. Mhm. Can you help me with something? Aren't you allergic to bananas? Whatever. Ah, aren't you allergic to bananas? That one's good. Do I want to get rid of this? Oh, it's just bringing back so many memories. And Adam definitely
helped me on this cuz he's in the video. Size. Uh-oh, another penis thing. Dude, can I ask you a personal question? Sure. How big are your boobs? What? It's cuz I'm a B, but I've been telling people that I'm a D. Size doesn't matter. It's how you use them, right? That's pretty funny. That's the only thing that I think is funny in that. That and like hitting Quinta in the butt. That's it. The video's just over. For most Violet videos, we would leave a joke under the end, so there should be a joke here.
Oh, good. I spit on the ground. Oh, let's look at the views. Okay. 7.8 million views. 78,000 likes. You know, if all of you could go buy my book, that'd be great. Holy 11 years ago. It's a man's world, but whatever. That's pretty good. 5,000 comments. Sometimes my underwear goes into my butt, so I have to pull it down. Dot. It's embarrassing. I bet you this person wants to delete that comment. Since when is it socially acceptable for guys to pee in public? Since always. I mean, not against a wall like I did. I'm a girl and I do a lot of adjustments on my period. That bonding thing is normal for girls, too. I think
that these would all be weird if you did them in a public place, regardless of your gender. Yeah. Okay, making points. Freckles the skeleton 1943. I do all of these things. Does that mean I'm a boy? No, it means this was a stupid video. No, these are weird when guys do them, too. Also, did not know Quint's voice went that high. I wish girls could manspread in public, too. Because girls need to enjoy the faint breeze sometimes, lol. I manspread all the time. And I said, "You're living your best life." That was a thing. Millennials, we were all about living our best life. Where do you think YOLO came from? How do I feel after watching this? I feel that I was right to have this be the video I delete. Because do I need people to see
this? Especially professional people that I work with now in 2026? No. Do I think it was helpful to society? No. Do I think it was harmful to the ideas of gender? Probably a little. Should I have peed in broad daylight? No. There were things we hadn't learned yet. That was like, why are we quantifying this as a gender thing? We were just trying to find a new frame that made any sense. And clearly, it did well, but is it helpful? No, it just exists. I do appreciate the nostalgia. There are moments that like made me giggle or made me laugh. If I could watch this video with my friends and show this to Quinta and be like, "You remember this? That's so funny."
Like, but I want it to stay in my personal collection, not in the internet's collective memory. I have a lot of love for this person. I have a lot of love for what she was going through. You could never repay me to go through it again. I remember in my body the awkwardness. This is a character. It was hiding a lot of just confusion. If this video had to stay up, would it destroy me? No. I'm not going to lose sleep over this. You can't erase these from my story, but again, I do just want to erase them from the internet.
Yeah, let's kill it. Let's say bye. Um Bye. To be very millennial, bye Felicia. I think I still have love for the idea of this video, and so I am going to send this video to heaven. Wow. Well, I've done it. I've deleted a video, and honestly, it feels great. I'm really glad that I did this. It was a little hard to rewatch, but also brought back nostalgia. Are there other videos I would delete? Probably a hundred other videos I would delete, and I'll gladly come back and do that. I will say, I am glad that before we deleted them, I got to watch it and experience it again, because Well, not to get too deep here, but I think it's a very natural human thing to
think that like you're better now and you just want to get rid of all evidence of it. What this made me realize is like I have a lot of love and affection for the person who was doing their best in making those videos and for all the people who watched me do that, I'm so thankful. If you are a person who is currently making videos, I will say think a second or two about how the internet is forever. I don't care that I did cringey stuff. Like the cringe, I love it. Like that's Gen Z gets on Millennials all the time for being so cringey, but that's like our brand. It's part of growing up that you look back and you're like, "Ooh." So, to all you 7.8 million people who watched that video, if you want to support me
now today, buy my audiobook. It's called Speak Now. It's a queer rom-com and I'm very proud of it in the way that I am proud that all the things I made brought me to this journey. See you guys around. Not me ending with a peace sign. I'm going to get ripped to shreds by Millennial.
