12:50
Today we're making onion chili oil pasta, which we're making on account of how it tastes, which is good. We're going to start with an onion, which we're going to get from Larry. Thanks, Larry. You can pay Larry to chop the onions for you, but honestly, he does a shit job, so I'd rather just smash it against the wall. We'll get some oil into the pan and get those onions sizzling until they're soft. I personally can't stop myself from cooking onions until they start to burn because they taste so good on account of the nucleophilic amino group bonding, Amadori rearrangement, and Strecker degradation, but don't feel peer pressured into cooking them the amount that makes them taste the most
delicious. Whoop, almost forgot to add the flavor glitter. Now we're going to add in whatever amount of broth, chicken or veggie should work. Make sure you don't accidentally add broth, or the onions might think they did something wrong. Now we'll take some garlic and we'll get the skin off using the jar shake method. If you want, you can grab another jar to make triple distilled Mason garlic, also known as trip to smell it. You can always add more water if the onions start to look thirsty. Now I'm going to put in this amount of tomato paste. don't have tomato paste, you can use a tomato glue stick or tomato tape, but don't use tomato spray adhesive. You can make your own onion
powder by hooking up a hair dryer to your grater, which will dehydrate it on the way down, and then we'll add that into our sauce. If you accidentally add too much onion powder, just take some of the sauce and rinse the onion powder off, and then wang jangle it back in. And then you're going to want to ask, Why are you putting in onions in also with onion powder? I made this chart to illustrate the relationship between the amount of oniony flavor in the deliciousness of the pasta. So, you know, we're also putting garlic powder, which you get by taking six forks and dropping them as
you walk to the store, so you know how to get back home after you buy it. Then wang jangle that vampire poison in there. Now we'll add in some chili oil. The reason they put the word chill in chili oil is to make you think that it's cool to eat a lot of it before considering what may happen to your body tomorrow. Then add in a little bit less or more than this much heavy cream or don't do that. And now I'll add in some Pam, which adds in a bit of the flavor of Parmesan cheese and some pepper. Okay, we'll give it a little taste. Damn, I shouldn't have rinsed that onion powder off. We'll just
add some more back in and it definitely needs more flavor glitter. Now we'll grab our spaghetti. If you're under 6 ft tall, make sure to trim off a bit so that you have enough energy to twirl it around your fork. And if you're over 6 ft tall, you shouldn't be eating spaghetti unless you do it shamefully alone in a closet. If you accidentally break a piece of spaghetti and want to avoid 7 years of bad Italian luck, just grind some spaghetti up with some water and use gluten soldering to fix it. And as you can see, that not only works great, but looks super yummy and appetizing. Now you got to salt your water before you make the spaghetti. If you want to test if your water is salty
enough for pasta before boiling it, see if a seahorse can stay alive in it for 6 weeks. If the seahorse dies, you need to add more or less salt. And once that's done, we can put our spaghetti right into the saucepan. Instant spaghetti can sometimes feel insecure, we'll also add in a pinch of spaghetti powder so it doesn't feel left out of the onion and garlic situation. You can also add in more chili oil, throw in some parsley, some more Pam. And if you're wondering why there's so much sauce compared to the spaghetti, I have this chart showing the relationship between amount of sauce and enjoyment of pasta, which And once you serve that, put some on the plate. And if you're uncertain about the amount
of chili oil, I made this chart that might help as well. And then the final step when making onion chili oil pasta is to leave some for Larry. Thanks, Larry has got the best onions in town. If you're willing to travel and trundle around, then you don't want to miss this. So just go the distance and pray to the forest that he can be found. When you arrive, there won't be any signs. There's just rumors and whispers to walk near the pines. But if you are worthy, you'll follow the earth and you'll wind up outside of his hideout in time. Enter his hovel, you'll leave with a hovel, so don't say too much if you want to survive.
He's all about business with no friendly wishes, so follow this rule and you'll walk out alive. Don't ever try to look Larry in the eye. Walk away softly or it could be costly. You're just there for onions, you don't need to die.
