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When it comes to speaking your mind and disagreeing with someone who is more powerful than you, the truth is you have to tread carefully. Like it or not, there are power dynamics in every workplace, and we are talking about someone who, may have positional authority over you, may control your project assignments. So, we want to make sure that we are not unnecessarily being disrespectful in the way that we disagree. But at the same time, you do need to speak up because you don't want a bad idea going through or something that hurts your team. At the end of the day, you want to know you did
your part to say what needed to be said. Here are five phrases you should use to disagree with powerful people. First, do not say to someone more powerful than you: you're wrong. It's antagonistic, there are so many more delicate and diplomatic ways to say it. I would also avoid things like, I don't think that's a good idea, or that doesn't seem to make any sense, because it can put judgment on the person who is sharing the idea before you even understand the context or what they mean behind it. So, it shuts down what could be an otherwise productive conversation, and the opportunity for them to be open minded to hear what you have to say next.
The first type of suggested response that I would recommend is something along the lines of: "That's a fair point, and the challenge I see is blank." Because when we think about conflict, most of the time it's us against the other person. We are on two different sides of the table. But when you can say, that's a fair point, or I can see where you're coming from with that angle. Now all of a sudden you are on the same side against the problem, and you can move forward from that shared basis. They're going to be a lot more open minded to whatever you have to say next.
I also love the script: "I'd like to add a nuance to that." I like this one because, you are framing your opposition as something that is additive to the conversation, not as something that is meant to shut it down. You may have a view of operations or something from the client side that your leader, who is sharing an idea or a proposal doesn't have. So this gives you the opportunity to give additional detail, color, context on a situation that could in fact change their mind. Another approach you could use is using a phrase like: "My concern with that would be." And fill in the blank. You are showing you are coming from the best interest of the organization, the project, the team.
Which shows that you are trying to be a team player and bring something up that in the end is going to benefit everyone. There will be times when you are communicating with leaders who are moving so quickly, who have been in so many conversations that they forget certain angles or details about an idea, and they may present something that seems really ill informed. So what do you do in that case? You can say something like: "I want to make sure we're factoring in X, Y, and Z," because you may have something to offer that they have just overlooked.
Another way you can come at disagreement is to ask a question in return. So let's say your leader puts out this idea and you're like, oh my gosh, that is not going to work, this is a terrible direction. Before you just jump to that, ask a question to dig a little bit deeper. "What makes that top of mind right now?" or "How do you see this playing out over the next 3 to 6 months?" It's a way for you, in the moment to calm your nerves, to give you a second, to collect yourself before you have that emotional reaction. And second, it's going to give you some insight into their decision making process,
their thought process, it may give you something to grab onto to also inform the direction you take. Now, there are also a couple of times when you may want to hold back from giving your feedback or saying what you want to say. One of those times is when you are in a large group environment. You want to weigh the pros and the cons there. Is it important you speak up in this very moment? Or actually, would it be better if you circle back with that leader, pull them aside privately and give some of this feedback about how you disagree, or you see there may be another way to go
about this or something to consider. Another time is when your disagreement may be misunderstood or interpreted differently. So, if we're talking over Slack or over email, where without your body language and intonation, it could be totally misconstrued. And so in those situations, you may want to bide your time a little until you are with them in person, and you can add a bit more of that context and personalization, so your intent really does come through.
