11:17
I'm going to leave now. Well, I would wait for the doctor. No, I think I'm going to leave. You can come with me if you like. I would stay, Joe. I really would. I just want to go and get a bottle of vodka. What makes you think you'd like to do that? I like the sensation as it goes down my throat and I want to experience that for one last time. I'd been spending time in the world of extreme drinkers. This is Peter. Peter Louie. getting to know people who consume alcohol not just to excess but to the point of total oblivion.
My base was King's College Hospital in South London, a haven for patients and families affected by life-threatening alcohol abuse. There it is. That is fire, wasn't it? I was trying to understand the mindset of people addicted to Britain's favorite drug and the difficult choices faced by those close to them. You okay? Are you okay? Yeah. How you doing? You're not too wobbly? No. At Kings A&E, I was with Peter Swainpole and his girlfriend Mariana.
How are you doing? To be honest, I'm not doing fine. You started drinking again. Yeah. He doesn't want to live anymore. That's the new idea. I didn't want to live anymore. Yeah. You went to South Africa for your dad's funeral. That's right, isn't it? Your dad passed away from cancer. Yes. That must have been very emotional. But you handled it, didn't you? And you came back and you were still sober. So then what happened after you got back?
I don't know how I handled it. How much have you had to drink, Peter? Yes, Lou. I don't know. How much? Half one liter and a half vodka in 24 hours. One and a half liters of vodka in 24 hours. Relax your hand. No, you don't need to apologize to me, Peter. I can see that you've been through a lot and it must be very difficult. Peter and Mariana had been together 3 years. For most of the relationship, Peter had been in a cycle of extreme drinking and recovery.
It was on Tuesday that he relapsed. Tuesday evening. That's right. Yes. I found him outside almost crying. I said, "I drunk." He start freaking out. You know, I need to buy drink again. I said, "Well, why do you need to buy drink?" Because if I don't buy drink now, I'm dying. He finished that bottle, bought another one, and then another big one. And from there, keep on like that. How are you feeling? Bad. I want to give up. Giving up in what sense? In giving up everything. Leave him. I'm going home. Going back home. But uh the problem is I love him and we've been together 3 years. Can I just let him die for me to be better? Because if I go,
he's going to die. How do you know that? Because rejecting him, that's the worst thing. He will just drink till he dies. Can I come in? Hello. Hi, Louis. How's it going? You don't need to get up. Make yourself comfortable. How you feeling? I'm feeling bad. Lou, what was it on Tuesday that got you drinking again? Do you remember what it was? My dad. Remembering your dad? It was the sadness of losing your dad. I think so. Very. How was your relationship with your dad?
Very close. You were very close to him. He was a good father. Yes. He was a member of parliament in South Africa. Of parliament. Yes. Did he know about your drinking problems? Yes. And what did he say about that? Said Buddha meaning rather South African just be strong. love you. I know you do. I just hope someday we're going to be all right and we can have a normal life without all this. Kings is a way station for many of South London's addicted drinkers.
My mom was trying to detox me off alcohol when I started projectile vomiting. Some come here in crisis following prolonged binges. Others now sober are patients in the liver unit. I've been naughty all my life. She always tells me to be good and I don't. But I will be good now. For those still drinking self-destructively, there's a clinical nurse specialist to help break the addiction. Come on in. Ian Webzel was seeing an outpatient named Orally Fonjo. Hi. Are you Orally? Lou, how do you do? Nice to meet you.
How are you? Not too bad, but uh we still have the same problems, the same issues. Tell us about your current drinking. How much you drink? Unfortunately, uh about between 5 to seven can a day of 8.4 cider. What's the drink? What's it called? A Kider. How strong is it? 8.4. Do you want to see it? I've got one in my body. Okay. Is that okay? Yeah. That's it. And to be honest with you, I don't really feel nothing. All it does is go on the liver and that's it.
It just stabilizes you, maintains you. Yeah. Tell us about your pattern of drinking. The pattern is I'm 44. I've been drinking since I was 13 years old. 14 I was brought up in Paris and the first drinks was champagne. I was drinking champagne and that's a good buzz. So describe how you wake up, how you physically and mentally are when you're in withdrawal alcohol. When I wake up, I'm glad I'm alive. After is like the shake starts and uh and then I start going around like a rat in a cage until I have my first ring. sit down and calm my state of mind. Yeah. Mhm. Have you ever tried to detox? Yep. Uh we don't detox five time. And you remember times when orally was alcohol free last year. You had a 3 weeks alcohol free. I remember.
Yeah. How was that? Did you enjoy that? I just It looks like um like I say, you know, you going to war and you're not winning. It's ridiculous. I mean, it's not life. It's not a life really, to be honest. Yeah. Detoxing from severe alcohol addiction can be extremely dangerous. If attempted without medical help, it can lead to seizures and even death. It takes most patients about a week. At Kings, they're supervised by alcohol liaison nurse specialist Kathy Smith Barker. She was about to meet Joe Walker, now four days into his detox.
Hey Joe. Hey. How you doing? Hi Joe. Louie. Nice to meet you. How are you doing? I'm okay. How are you? Yeah, not too bad. How you feeling? Um pretty scared to be honest. Yeah. What of just life in the moment really and I don't want to go back to this? Yeah, we still haven't finished detoxing you. So, I want to reassure you. You're not going today. Compared to how you were when you first got here, how are you feeling physically?
Better, but I've got to use this walking stick to Do you Is that just to kind of keep yourself steady? Just to keep myself steady. Okay. Why is that? What's happening with your feet or with your legs? Well, I don't know because my legs, you see, are they feeling weak? They've never Yeah, they that's never happened before. It's, you know, that's quite frightening. What's happened to them? I don't know. Can I just get you to do this? Just put your arms out.
I can see that you're really shaky still. I'm just going to feel the palms of your hands. Yeah, you're really sweaty still, aren't you? So [__] dangerous. So, if you just take a couple of steps forward. Yeah, that's And then come back. You don't need to do anymore. Yeah, that's definitely atexia. You'd been drinking uh a lot before you came in. That's right, isn't it? How much and for how long? From couple of weeks, no, months probably. And it had been like started off with bottle of vulkar a day, then it went up to two bottles of vodka a day. Were you working alongside the drinking?
No, I basically given up work, but by that point I'd just walked out. And what kind of work was it? I was working at King's College and uh in medical education and I didn't get a job that I wanted and I can't take rejections. So that along alongside that and a breakup, I just thought saw it and went for it. How is your support network? Have you had visitors since you've been in here? No, no one's come. But I think I must have collapsed in the street and a stranger thought you need to go to A&E. The reason I stayed in A&E was because I really actually wanted to recover.
I thought I was drinking myself to death. And there was something in me that I didn't want to die basically. Not quite. I didn't want to die. Clearly, he's in a sense at a fork in the road and he either keeps on drinking or he stops and has a healthy life. Can you have you any way of telling which way he's likely to go and what will lead to him going one way or the other? Joe has had 4 and a half years of being abstinent. So, I think he's in with a very good chance of recovery actually because he knows that he's got it in him to do it.
I'd headed out of the hospital to see a little more of the home life of one of the drinkers I'd met. Orally lives in a council flat in Brixton. Nice to see you. Nice to see you as well. It's really messy. My face is really messy. Should I tell you in advance? Yeah. Not too bad. Well, yeah. Thanks for having us. You're welcome. How are you feeling today? Not too bad. I can breathe. I take it. You've had a drink already? Of course. Yeah.
How many so far? One and one. And this is not This is Yeah. One and a half. Yeah, that's it. How you feeling? Good. I feeling stable. Yeah, stable. Would you like to show me anything that you have that is important to you? Um, this I believe it will be in a register office. Is that your dad? My dad? Yeah. And your stepmom? So your dad and your birth mother were never married? I wouldn't think so. No, as far as you know.
Yeah. So she took off quite early, I believe. So yeah. Do you remember that wedding? No. How old would you have been then? Uh, quite young. Yeah. Five. I must have been children's home because I was in children's home for some time. How long did you spend in the children's home? Uh, we're talking a good four, five years. Really? Yeah. Up and down. Yeah. When I was So, you're half Cameroonian? Yeah. And half Britany and half Breton.
Yeah. Breton. What? You speak in French for an English man. It's very impressive. Mercyu. I used to teach French a little bit privately, but I was getting too drunk. I couldn't do it. I was going there. I was paralyzic. Paralyic. I was trying to for the lessons. Yeah. I was paralyzic. How's the taste? The taste is becoming more and more disgusting. It's It's tasting like um petrol or something. To be honest with you, I don't even like the taste of alcohol anymore. I take it because I don't want to be sick in a nasty way.
What was the last time you were admitted to hospital? Uh, not that long ago for bleeding. Bleeding where? Uh, the back passage. Oh, that sounds nasty. It was quite annoying to be honest. But scary. Yeah, scary. I don't get scared anymore because at the end of the day scare about what you know, you get what you deserve. You know what I'm saying? need to stop at the off license. Yeah. Yeah. Or had offered to introduce me to her boyfriend Gary. They'd been together 3 weeks. What? How come you got a K and a strong boat? Because the other one I give him a drink as well. The boyfriend and he doesn't like K.
No. He's only a big addict that like me. So I look out. Okay. Is Yeah. You found him. Here he is. How you doing, Louie? Louis, nice to meet you. We're just doing a little documentary. We've been m based mainly in um King's College Hospital and that's that's where we met orally. Okay. I'll give I give you 10 questions or whatever you want to do and I'm going to leave you. Yeah. 10 question. Well, let's have a conversation and then you leave when you feel like it.
All right. How are you doing? Me? I'm doing fine, thank you very much. Yeah, I do. Do you think you drink too much? I know. I drink too much. Go on. I drink too much because I want to blank things out in my life, you know. Like what? Like relationships, kids. I can't see no more cuz I lost them through the alcohol and everything else like jobs, circumstances, houses. I used to be rich, but now I'm poor. How much do you drink? Um, I'd say 8 to 12 cans of laga a day. minimum if that's not that's on a good day. If you want to have a party, we're going 24 vodkas. I worked all weekend.
I'm an alcoholic that don't sign on punts off the streets. You look, if I may say so, you look healthy. I mean, do you feel healthy in yourself physically? Yeah, I think I am. Yeah. For a 40-year-old guy, I think I'm really good. Yeah. I'm not looking at alcoholic like her. Look, she's giving up. I'm not giving up. I think the beer I think I can win. I think I can beat the beer. I think I can beat the alcohol. I think I can do anything I want. I don't sign on. I don't go doctors. What makes you say Sorry, Gary. What makes you say that Oral's given up?
She says she can't wake up from work cuz she was ill. If she goes to walk the dog, she needs Kider every day. Yeah, she does. I don't need that. I just wake up and I go and she knows that. Yes or no? Yes. She's just got the can and her dog. Her boyfriend Romeo. Yeah, that's what she's got. Romeo is the dog. Yeah, my dog. Well, I don't That sounds a bit unkind. Yeah, you're a bit unkind to it's a bit offensive when you say like, "Look at her. She looks like a real You are an alcoholic."
Yeah. But if you see me, do you would you not notice straight on the spot that I'm an alcoholic? Of course not. Usually I get nice girls with nice tits and nice body and that Yeah. No. Dump me that. Okay. I'm I'm joking. I'm off. I'm joking. Riley. No. Thank you. Let me kiss. Come here. I'm joking. O'Reilly. It's true. Look at the state of it. You really hurt her feelings. She's It's true though. I don't love her. She don't love me. Ask me a question. I tell her story. Sorry, I was joking.
Come here. Come here, Ari. I love you, Orley. I'm joking. I just told you on camera. I love you. Look. I love you, Arie. Look. Yeah. It's the drink talking, isn't it? Yeah. The drink or the flat talking. Oh, yeah. Here we is. There she is. Okay, we got her back. Yeah. You love talking to the camera, don't you? I love everything. I love being nice to you. I said I'll do that and I've done it now. I appreciate it. Any more questions?
Is there anything you wanted to say while Gary was here? Yes. Um, no. You want to see me go? No, I don't. You want to see me go? No. Listen, Alcohol Ghost. Yeah. You seen the other part of it. Make the video. They're watching. Don't be like that. Get my [__] stuff over me now. What's that? We get He's coming. Gary, what is wrong?
It looks like I'm interested in the losers. The one that uh is going to take me nowhere at all. It looks like a That's my favorite choice. You know, it can't be good for your self-esteem if he talks like that about you. Yeah. How does it make you feel when you see people like me or you're suffering with alcohol? How do you feel about that? Um, I think you deserve a better life. Don't you? Hi there, Peter. Peter was coming to the end of his detox. Hi, Peter. How are you?
I'd come by for a catch up. I see you. Excuse me. Yes. You're looking perky. How you feeling? I feel all right. You look a lot better than when I last saw you. Oh, yeah. Do you know, Kathy, what the situation is medically with Peter? Well, I mean, Peter's fit for discharge. His li his liver is looking in relatively good shape. So, medically, Peter's sort of hitherto kind of got away with it. Well, yes and no. If over time he continues to relapse, detox, relapse, detox, his liver will eventually become damaged.
Did you hear what she said was very important? I think what Kathy just said. Did you hear that, Pet? Oh, yeah. It's not a good pattern to get into to fall into detox. Retox. I hope that I don't have to see you again anytime soon. Good luck. Okay. See you later. He seems really well, but the obvious question is, is he going to be back? Will it happen again? Well, it's likely statistically. Is it? Yeah. He has the added stress and distress of having to cope with the loss of his dad now as well.
He's very personable. He's bright, nice, regular, easygoing guy and yet he's got this thing that he's grappling with. I'm just wondering how sustainable is it for him to keep cycling through these relapses and detoxes and at the same time kind of lead a normal life? Well, I mean over time it will become less and less sustainable. one's repertoire narrows and narrows to the point that alcohol is just the thing that you do. It's the way that you cope with all adversity and it's your companion. The logical endpoint to alcohol dependence is the person sitting on their own in a room with a bottle and nobody else left around them.
I was curious how addiction had affected Peter's relationship with Mariana. Peter, I'd arranged to visit them at home, a rented room a couple of miles from the hospital. How did you meet the two of you? We were together in the same place. In the same workplace? Yes. And what was it that sort of worked between you to begin with? Peter, I think, is the kindest person I met in my life. He can be funny. Really funny. I had a good laugh with him at the beginning. A really good laugh. So, what else do you need?
What did you know about Peter's drinking when you got together? Honest. Nothing. You didn't realize? No. I um I was abstinent. I had at that time. Yes. I thought actually I finally found somebody who doesn't drink to be really honest. Yeah. She ain't on holiday. and I uh I lapsed. I didn't know why he doesn't answer the phone, why he doesn't want to talk to me, why he's avoiding me. And eventually I found out.
How long had you been together at this point? A few months. I knew his history. So I thought maybe it's just an episode. He's lonely. His history meaning what? Divorce. Yeah. I don't know how much should I say. You took the divorce very hard. Really hard. After that, I just spiraled down. drinking. Yeah, Peter can't handle stress at all. So maybe something happens at work that stresses you out. I mean, is that a plausible scenario? Yes, but there's for me this there's a couple of triggers. Uh work is one. No, recently my dad plus our housing situation.
Must be quite distressing for you to watch, Mariana. Oh, it is. He's not violent. He doesn't do anything. He just lie here with the bottle and keep on drinking. That's it. I have to feed him. Yes. I have to wake him up. Come on. Drink some water. Come on. Eat something. So, it's 24-hour care job. Feels like Mariana's got a lot of insight into who you are. Oh, yeah. Maybe more than you do. Joe, the young man I'd met, was also back home in his South London house share.
Hi, Joe. How you doing? Can we come in? I'd been struck that unlike Peter, he hadn't been visited by family in hospital. I knew his mom had also struggled with alcohol and died when he was a child. His dad, now remarried, lived in Brighton. With his support network stretched thin, I wondered how he was bearing up. You're looking well, thanks. You feeling okay physically? Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. You're basically staying alcohol free.
Alcohol free. That's no cravings. Not for alcohol. Sweeties. Really? Can we look at some of your photos? Yeah, sure. So, this was at Royal Ascot last year. No, this was on my 30th birthday with a friend. How old are you now again? I was 32 yesterday. Oh, you just had your birthday. Had my birthday yesterday. What did you do for your birthday? Um, went out for dinner with friends. How was that? That was really nice. It was lovely, actually. It was amazing. Um, some of whom I haven't seen since, you know, I went into this kind of awful place. That was um when I was at school 16.
That's when I was in Guys and Dolls Sky Masters. Is that the Marlon Brando? That's Marlon Brando Hero. Right. Like Be a Lady. Yeah, that's Did you have to sing that? I did have to sing Love Be. Really? Do you know that was probably my favorite time of my life actually that final year? So, this was a collage I made of a trip to Australia. Um, I was with my girlfriend at the time. You know, I was out pissing it up too much really and it was pretty horrible to her, frankly. I remember after that thinking I definitely don't ever want to drink again because I don't want to put someone through that again.
Have you ever sort of drunk on an even keel in a normal social way for any period of time? I haven't always been round the clock drinking or anything like that. No, absolutely not. Um it's something that kind of crept up. So really, it's only been uh a couple of contained episodes of absolutely crazed self annihilating drinking. That's right. Yeah. You know, with a big chunk of nothing at all in the middle. I thought I'm bit older. I'm in a different space. I want to drink for different reasons. cuz I don't want to go mad crazy partying and I just want to have a couple of glasses of wine on a date or you know.
Mhm. What was the sign that it was out of control? When I went off I couldn't go to work anymore cuz I knew I had to drink. Right. Drinking in here. Yeah. Drinking in here just in bed from the bottle. Yeah. Quite weird, isn't it? It's just hard to see you in that state. It is quite weird, but it's oblivion. Smashing my head open and you know. Yeah. Is that the blood stains over there? That is actually the remaining blood stain. And I know I should probably get rid of them, but there's something slightly perversely shocking about it that's kind of makes it worth it for the time being.
Helpful reminder. Well, it is actually. I haven't wanted to drink since I came out of hospital, but I'm actually quite clear from my own experience how quickly it can just change like that. For those drinkers who have been abusing alcohol for years and are showing signs of liver damage, there are weekly clinics. So Stuart, how are you? Um, filling up again like a balloon. Dr. Debbie Shorcross was seeing Antiques dealer Stuart Dugen and his girlfriend Deborah. So, are you able to undo your shirt or lift it up?
Well, there it is. And I'm going to do this reveal it now. There it is. That is far, wasn't it? I wouldn't go that far. It's quite big. It's big. So, you've got a lot of fluid there, haven't you? 10 lers. It's just in the abdominal cavity around. It's not in the stomach. No, it's between the um the lining of the paritinium and the skin. I'm paying the price for drinking basically. I've got liquid everywhere and nothing to drink. So Stuart, you have liver disease.
Cerosis. Cerosis of the liver. Yeah, because I drank a lot. How much? Oh god. Uh I might drink four or five pints of strong laga and then go home, start cooking. It's quite easy. Bottle of wine, second bottle. You know, really, it's not that shocking actually. A lot of people drink four or five pints of laga a day. That bit I wasn't shocked by. No, that I would drink four or five pints of Laga or I might drink a bottle and a half, maybe even two bottles of wine in an afternoon evening. I wouldn't do both. Don't think. Well, yeah. Okay. Uh I was and I was warned by doctors years ago that I should stop drinking as everyone is warned, you know, but you just turn a blind eye to it.
Deborah, how long have you been with Stuart? 13 years. And he had you spoken to him about his drinking? Yes. Every day. So at what point did you stop drinking? As soon you went into a as soon as I went into I didn't need AA. I went to A&E. I was very ill at one time. I was felt like really Well, you were in intensive care, weren't you? Yeah, I went intensive care. That was horrible. What many patients with liver disease develop are uh effectively varicus veins in their gullet and in their stomach. Uh they can just burst just like that. They can rupture. Um and when that happens you start vomiting huge amounts of fresh red blood. When I say what's wrong with me I sound
terribly ill. I don't feel terribly ill but that it does sound bad doesn't it? But I think you are, you know, I think if we have a very honest conversation, you are what's the life expenses if somebody like me? Have you not asked that yet? Have I'm imagining you've already talked about that with Dr. Shaw Cross. I talked to other patients and it's not good. So if I do a particular score called the MEL score, it's 22 in if we had a whole group of people with a score of 22. um 76% of that group wouldn't actually last three months with that school. Okay, that's now that's just a group of people that I'm not it doesn't necessarily mean that's you. That's the kind of month part would and if you were drinking um I
don't think you'd be with us in 3 months time. I'd be sending you off to go and make your will. Well, 3 months is not very much, is it? I get ready at Christmas. That's a worst case scenario. That's that's potentially it's tough, Stuart. It really is. So, the bright side, I'm still here. You're still here because many other people in your condition wouldn't even have made it to this point, Stuart. I think that's that's important thing to think about.
Here he is. The man of the hour. A little later, I caught up with Stuart as he was being drained. Could you do me a favor? Of course. Put it on the floor. and watch it now. He's forgotten to put it on the floor. Easy, dumb. Don't worry. You're right. It goes on the floor. Gravity does its job. I can give that a little wiggle and that'll start coming out a bit quicker. How are you after that meeting? Uh they have to give you utter what the meeting the with um the three month thing I was a bit confused about and a little bit shocked.
How are you confused by it? I mean I don't believe I've only got 3 months to live. There you go. And if I ask another doctor they could know. She didn't say you had 3 months to live. No, that's not what she said. She said that um 76% of people in your condition would have 3 months to live. Yeah. So the 24% would live longer. I must be in the 24%. I It's a pretty bad picture, but like, you know, trying to give it a bit of color. That looks full now.
There you go. That What happens now? You'll have to empty it. I'm happy to. Is it basically urine? No, it's I don't think so. It's just fluid. I know. Does it smell like urine? No. Smell it. It actually doesn't really smell of anything. It's got a nice head on it. Can you see it's gone down already? Yeah. You look like you've just seen a grim reaper. Well, it was a little lot to take in, wasn't it? Oh, just come on. Hello.
How are you? Not too bad at all. Orley was back at hospital. How are you doing? Yeah, I'm still right. A test had shown signs of serious damage to her liver. She'd been referred to one of King's top liver specialists, Professor John O'Grady. Uh, this is your GMA GT. This is absolutely astronomical. Around 3,000. Is that about as high as it can go? That's territory. Yes, that's of the extremes. Your spleen is getting bigger in size, telling us your liver is moving on to another stage of disease. Your pancreas is swollen on the scan, which may be why you're having problems with digestion. You know, your health is progressively deteriorating.
I'm thinking that uh when you come to a certain level of alcohol use, your tolerance is getting higher and higher and you don't feel like you're drunk at all, but you feel fine. You do. And you think you're coping, but you feel all right. Yeah, you feel all right. But then very quickly, you start losing that tolerance. And the reason you start losing that tolerance is your liver is no longer able to deal with the burden of all the alcohol. The liver is the most forgiving organ in the body if you treat it well. I eat vegetables. No, I'm struggling to see a way forward. So do I. Yeah. Because most of the strategies we can talk about your health, your liver tests, it's all news to you.
It's like reading the newspaper or something. You're not in a sense responding to it in the way I think you've gone beyond is it gone beyond caring or be gone beyond hearing? Hearing or caring? Yeah, I can't hear what I hear. Oh, I decide not to hear it. I'm surprised I'm still alive anyway. cuz you were looking to the end. You're looking to the point of death. That's as far as your thinking seems to go. Miracle.
Do you believe in miracles? Yes. I was now several weeks into filming. Rather than judging them as people who've made bad choices, I'd come to see those in the grips of alcohol addiction and suffering from deeper emotional issues, taking life setbacks too hard, and attempting to numb themselves with drink, endangering their own lives. They pose a challenge for those around them as to how best to help, how to break through, and when to walk away. Joe, my fellow guys and dolls enthusiast, was in crisis, having relapsed and been kicked out of his flat, he'd been going in and out of A&E in a chaotic state, demanding and then rejecting the staff's help.
Joe, what? Joe, do you remember me from earlier? I'm the doctor. I was in the cubicle with you. Do you remember? Do you like there? Sort of. Why have you come out here to get a cigarette? Yeah, just to have fun. Do you remember Tom? How you doing, Joe? Do you remember me? Oh, Lou, how's it going? Hello. How's it going? It's uh not well obviously you're looking like you bit fragile. Had a few drinks.
Yeah. You went on a bit of a bender from what I can hear. Yeah. Really bad. E. You okay? Yeah. What have you been drinking? Vodka. You've actually been to see us now three times in the last 24 hours. What are you hoping that we might be able to do both sort of now today and over the next few weeks? Um, detox me. Okay. So, you feel like you're ready for detox? Yeah. Okay. I'm really sorry, Joe. It's really I'm really sorry to see you this way.
I'm sorry to be this way. You were doing really well when we saw you. I was wasn't But I don't want it. I just don't want it. I don't want it at all. What don't you want? To be a drunk. So, what is the likely scenario at this point? He'll remain here until he's sober and safe to be discharged. He'll have a conversation and be offered some support from the alcohol support services, but he probably won't be admitted unless he very rapidly goes into very acute withdrawal. could even be discharged later today. He might be. Yeah, he might be. He's got no support network. That's the thing, you know, in terms of family, friends. They're just I think a bit exasperated.
Yeah. And you could see why they might be, but you know whose responsibility is it to care for him? Is it his family? Is it his friends? Is it us? Is it him? It's tricky. Can I have some Lucas aid? I'll see if I can get you some. Uh, does it have to be Lucas aid or can it be any kind of soft drink? No. Lucas aid. look at that. You're welcome. How you feeling? I'm withdrawing very heavily. What does it feel like? Like I'm dying as a person.
Still in the apartment. Yeah. Do you remember what it was that triggered you to it? It was my ex. She wouldn't talk to me. Your girlfriend? The most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Do you want some Lucas aid? I want I just want I thought I was recovering, Lou. Well, you were recovering. Recover again. You can get back on track. No, I can't. I don't. This is end game. No, it's not end game.
You were what? Four years sober. You must hate me. Well, no. That's No. What strange? Do you like me? Of course I like you. But I'm a pain in the ass. Not at all. I wanted to come and have a chat with you. My feeling is, and Kathy feels this as well, having met you before, is that this is an acute crisis for you. Really, this is quite bad. Really dreadful. And what we probably should do is arrange for you to be admitted to have detox as an impatient. So to stay in hospital.
We can't keep doing this though. No, I understand that. So we really occasion exception. It's actually sort of quite neurologically dangerous, Joe, to keep on detoxing someone. We might end up harming you more. But obviously we're very happy to help this time round. But just please take that on board and have a think about what you need to do afterwards. Thank you. See you later. Thanks. I know you're not a medic, but like I just want to go and get a bottle of vodka. I'll drink it down the road.
Uh they do you remember they're detoxing you? So yeah, I do know that. So for you to go like 250 ms of vodka. I would stay, Joe. I really would. Now I'm heading off. I wouldn't go, Joe. Honestly, where is it that you're keen to get to? I just want to basically buy a bottle of vodka and go to I don't know Ruskin Park or something. What? And drink the vodka. Yeah, drink the vodka and sleep there. Why? It feels easier than staying here. Joe, come on. Can you come back to your cubicle now? But I want to go and buy a drink.
I know, but let's just finish doing what we're doing here. Come on. Go and see what's happening. Okay. I'm going to get a bottle of vodka. Joe, should we just wait for the medical? Uh, no. No, don't. You run off. Okay. So, he's basically gone to get more alcohol. We want to offer detox to patients who are going to engage and stay and really want it. And I'm not convinced that he's in that place at the moment.
It's also this weird thing of when you're around him, somehow you get sucked into this vortex of wanting to help but also not wanting to kind of mother him. Do you know what I mean? He's looking somewhere for support and to be looked after. And it's tricky. So now I have to decide whether we need to call the police to try and get him back in. I need to go and speak to the team about Okay. Well, I think I see him. I think I Yeah. So, he's coming back up. got something in his hand.
Joe. Joe, you go in. It's only per I didn't drink anything. Can I just have a look at the bottle? It's just per. Yeah. Go back here. Yeah. Well done for sticking with it. Thank you. Good luck. Thank you. See you later. Cheers. Cheers, Joe. The power of Joe's addiction had been shocking to witness, exposing his most human vulnerabilities while robbing him of the strength to take control of himself. But what also struck me was the sense of impotence I'd felt about how to help him. I only hoped he could find his way back to happiness and sobriety.
Should we come on? Yes, please. How you doing? How are you? Good to see you. Good. It was nearly a month since I'd seen Peter, the South African. See you in a new place. He and Mariana were now living in a new, more spacious flat. What? Let me take these off. Oh, wait. No, no, no, no. You sure? That's fine. Yeah, you sure? This is nice, isn't it? Yes. Can you show me around? Give me a little tour. Yes, absolutely. Be the one. So, this is our uh our bedroom. Nice. This is where the magic happens. Who sleeps on which side?
This is me of my perfectionism. You always do that with your change, Peter? Yes, I do. This is now what uh we believe puts us on the right track quite a lot. Yeah. Uh so basically that one is the um cetrine. This is the one I said uh proprenanol. Yes. For panic. Yeah. For panic. Yes. Do you have a diagnosis now? Yes. Which is anxiety severe anxiety with panic attacks and medium depression. And actually now for the first time doctor is actually treating more of a mental health illness than rather the consequences i.e. self medic medication
via alcohol. These are medications and strategies that you've never used before. I'm so sure that he's going to be fine because I can see a difference in him. He's totally different. He's actually to relax, I may say sometimes. He doesn't he look well though. He does. Yeah. Different man. Let's go into the kitchen. Don't expect something big. Yeah. It's still small and but you've got everything you need. Yes. I do love my cooking. Yeah. And for me, some people it seems like a job, but for me it's absolutely uh relaxing. That's relaxing. If you wanted to cook
with alcohol, I mean, are you comfortable having it in your home? Yes. You feel you don't feel it's a temptation? No. You could have an open bottle of wine there by the hob and you wouldn't be looking at it. I'll make a sauce. You can do that. Yes. We went actually to a party when Friday. Yes. Last Saturday. And there was drink. I go and from the buffet and get food and nice Pepsi. I didn't want a beer. The taste of beer wasn't appealing to me. I enjoyed a Pepsi. When we saw you at the hospital during the relapse, Mariana, you were very exasperated. Do you remember you were saying you might leave Peter?
Did you know that, Peter? Yes, I told him. But yeah, it's hard. You can't cope and you can't find help and I end up being ill. So, you know, I can't help him. At least let me say let's say myself. If he's intent on destroying himself, there are limits on what you can do. Yes. So, there is a point at which it's reasonable and ethical for you to walk away. But that point should be when I know that I've done everything in my power. I don't want to have any regrets. So, it's a happy ending. Yes. Let's hope. So far so good. We have to be honest and you know, ongoing work. So on a day-to-day basis, just keep on doing what we do and over time that will tell.
I was making a last visit to Orally on her birthday. She was turning 45. I found her at a Brixton churchyard with her dog Romeo and her boyfriend Gary. Hello. Happy birthday. Thank you. Thank you very much. How do you feel? Um, young. Good. How's Gary doing? Gary is all right. He's still alive. Are you all right, Gary? Gary, did you have a little argument today? No, we went to see his ex-girlfriend yesterday. Have shaky ex-girlfriend all night.
Say you again. I've been shaking my ex-girlfriend all night. I've done it proper. Hey. Yeah. What a thing to say. What? Why would you say that in front of orally? Because you sort happy birthday. Anyway, if I may ask a personal question, what's the appeal of Gary? When he's around, I feel like a bit of family type of things. I mean, if he's undermining you and saying hurtful things, why do you stay with him? Because at the end of the day, I stop and think about myself and I say, "Who wants to go out with an alcoholic anyway? Who wants to go out with somebody wake up in the morning and start drinking? Who wants to go out to somebody I'm not, you know, overweight around the stomach because of alcohol? Who wants to go out maybe with somebody
who can't even have children because of the destruction of uh with alcohol? It's not very attractive really to be honest. Right. Well, it seems so clear that your relationship with alcohol is destructive and massively damaging your health and your relationships. Isn't it clear that you need to stop whether you taper out or however you do it that you just need to get on a different track? I think I'm more uh afraid of stopping than to die. So that's why I drink just to bring me back a bit of confidence. If you stopped, what would happen?
I'll be a completely different person. I mean, I'm 45. I started drinking when I was 15. So it's 30 years of constant abuse. You know, it's like trying to take the roots out of a tree. It would never work. Alcohol for those addicted to it is a kind of infatuation. It ends up displacing other relationships, becoming inseparable from your sense of who you are until a different, better life no longer looks possible. For some, it is terminal. But I'd also seen change could happen. Hey Louie, how are you doing? I'm good. How are you? Good to see you. Nice to see you.
Joe was back in Brighton where he was living with his dad, having finally embraced recovery. But the road to rehab hadn't been straightforward. So when we last saw you, you were not in a good way. No. You were in hospital going into detox. Yeah. But am I right in thinking that after we left you, you discharged yourself from hospital? I Yeah. I mean, the whole thing is kind of a bit blurry. I mean, it's And you did wind up in the park for a night. Yeah, that's right. Um, and a side street. Um, so you went back and drank again.
Yeah, I think so. It's hard to kind of explain how obsessed I became about the idea of it. Um, you probably remember better than I do. Um, I'm sorry to laugh, but it's just ab I don't it's not a funny thing. Um I was completely crazy for me and I think for anyone who is uh close to someone going through something like that, there's this feeling of wanting to help and not knowing how to. Do you have any insight into how is someone supposed to support you when you're in that condition? There is no way that I see for someone like me that you can do anything that will give have any long-term impact.
My family and friends felt as best they could that they needed to withdraw. It became quite apparent to me I was on my own. The motivation for me had to come from getting to a place where I was really on the verge of losing everything. Yeah. You turned it around. Well, for now. Yeah. And I know no that sounds really good. No, it's I feel comfortable and safe. Safety is such a strange and elusive sensation. Most people I don't think even think about it. But I've felt for quite a long time kind of on the edge of something even when I wasn't in it. like I was just felt offkilter and anxious and like
everything was either going 100 miles an hour or wasn't going quick enough and just feel okay which is Nice.
