Identity: English and Why It Matters

Have you ever felt like you're not yourself when you speak English? Like there's a part of you missing when you go to speak in English and it seems different than the person you are when you speak your native language. There's a reason for this. You see, there are five parts to your identity as an individual and in order to speak English fluently and to feel like you are yourself, you must include each of these parts. Today, I'm going to tell you how. Are you ready? Well, then, let's jump right in. We're going to look at the five parts of our identity, your identity as an individual. Part number one, past memories and experiences. In other words, the collection of everything you've lived through and the

meaning you've assigned to it. You've lived through many different things. You have a past, you have memories, you have experiences and this is part one of your identity. Let's break it down even more. You see, your past is more than a timeline of events. It's the story you've built around those events. The experiences you remember, the moments that hurt, the wins you're proud of and the way you narrate it all shape how you see yourself today. They have made you who you are, your memories, your experiences, your past. Two people can live through the same event and walk away with completely different identities based on the story they tell about it. This is why it's so

important for you to be able to talk about your past, your memories, your experiences in English. But I want to explain why there are challenges you're experiencing of doing this in English. Number one, the emotional weight gets lost in translation. You see, your most meaningful memories carry feelings tied to specific words in your native language. And when you try to translate them, the feeling flattens into something generic like sad or happy. But you know, your memories, your experiences from your past, they hold much stronger, more specific words, but you just don't have them sometimes in English.

Another reason why this is a challenging thing to do, you don't have the storytelling rhythm yet. Telling a good life story requires pacing, suspense, and natural transitions like, "So then." or "Out of nowhere." or "Looking back." And without those transition phrases, your story sounds like a simple list of events instead of a life you lived. Again, we're speaking about why sometimes it feels like you're a different person when you speak in English. And the third challenge is, cultural context doesn't carry over. You see, so much of your past is tied to places, foods, traditions, and family dynamics that don't have direct English equivalents. So you end up explaining context instead of actually sharing the

memory and this makes it challenging to share the first part of your identity, your past, your memories, and your experiences. So how can you actually do this? Let me explain. I want you to list three of your fondest memories on paper. One sentence each, just enough to identify the moment. For example, the summer my grandmother taught me to cook. Just list what happened. List that memory and put it on paper. For example, one of my fondest memories, I think I may have been three or four years old, the first time my mom made me banana nut bread. I remember it to this day like it happened yesterday. So list three of your fondest memories. Then,

write down the five W's for each memory. Who was there? What happened? When it took place? Where you were and why it mattered to you. Don't worry about perfect sentences yet. Just get the details out. Remember, part of bringing your complete self to English, being who you are is first starting with part one of your identity, your past, your memories and experiences, being able to explain them clearly in English. Next, I want you to record yourself describing each memory out loud in English using your five W's notes as a guide. Listen back, notice where you got stuck or ran out of words and write down the missing words so you can use them next time.

This is how you bring your true self, part one of yourself, the past, to a situation. Let me give you an example of this. So, here's our example, Lucia or Lucia, 34, an accountant from Mexico City. So, step one for Lucia, she lists her three fondest memories. Number one, the summer I spent at my abuela's house in Oaxaca when I was 10. Now, that might be the miscorrect or incorrect pronunciation, you guys can let me know in the comment section. Next, my graduation day from university. And finally, the night my daughter was born. Three of her fondest memories leading us now to step number two. Step number two is, she writes the five W's for the Oaxaca memory. Who? My abuela Carmen, my cousin Diego, and me. What? I learned how to make mole

or mole from scratch for the first time. When? The summer of 2001, I was 10 years old. Where? My abuela's small kitchen in Oaxaca with the blue tile floor. Why? It was the first time I felt like I belonged to something bigger than myself, my family's history. You see, step two, you're listing all of the details for the five W's. Again, being able to express, to describe your past, your memories, your experiences in English. Leading now to step number three. She records herself describing the memory. She speaks for about 90 seconds and when she listens back, she notices she said the food was good when she meant to say it was rich, smoky, and

complex. She also got stuck trying to describe the kitchen and just said, "Oh, it was nice." She writes down three words to learn, rich, smoky, cozy, and promises to use them next time, the next time she tells her story. Now, this leads us to part number two. Part number two is the present, your roles, your body, your actions. In other words, how you show up in the world right now through what you do, the roles you fill, and the body you live in. There are five parts to your identity. The first part was your past, the second part is now the present, who you are. Let's break this down a little bit more.

This is your identity in motion. It's the parent, the teacher, the friend, the employee, the roles you step into every day. It's also your daily habits, the physical presence, and the actions people actually see. The present is where identity becomes visible, who you are right now and being able to express that role, who you are right now, in English. So, what are the challenges that are attached to this part of your identity and properly explaining it? Challenge number one, your daily vocabulary is stuck at a basic level. You can say, "I work." or "I'm a mom." but describing what you actually do day-to-day, like the small tasks, the specific responsibilities, the busy seasons,

requires words you haven't built yet and this makes it challenging for you to show this part of your identity, this part of who you are. Challenge number two, your roles sound smaller than they are. You see, in your language, your job title or role carries weight and nuance. In English, "I'm a teacher." or "I manage people." sounds kind of flat and doesn't show the real scope of what you handle. You want to truly describe, explain, tell someone who you are, but the words are not coming the way you'd like them to. And challenge number three, you can't describe how you feel in your body. Sensations feel like feeling drained or wired or foggy or

restless or off. The everyday physical experiences require specific vocabulary most learners never encounter in textbooks. Even the ones I just used. I'm feeling off. I'm feeling a bit foggy. You may not have known those terms. You'll look them up after this lesson, but again, you need those terms that are like colloquial terms, terms used in everyday conversation that you may not be able to find in books and this is why it's hard for part two of your identity, the present, to truly be shown. But, there's a way. So, how can you show who you are in the present? I want you to first write down the three main roles

you play in life right now. For example, mother, team leader, daughter, caregiver, student. Pick the ones that take up the most of your and energy. You are a multi-faceted person. You're amazing. You're intelligent. There are many different roles that you are in right now, but I want you to only pick three. The three main roles you have right now. After you've picked those roles, I next want you to under each role list five specific things you actually do in that role on a normal day. Be detailed. Not I work, but I check emails, lead the morning meeting, review my team's reports, handle client calls, and plan next week's tasks. The more

detailed, the better. You want other people to see who you are, your true identity. We're on part two of your identity, the present. And finally, I want you to talk out loud for 2 minutes about a typical day. Using your lists as a guide, after write down any moment where you said something basic like I do stuff or I'm busy. Those are the spots where you need more specific words for the next time. So, let me give you an actual example of what a student could properly do or following these steps. So, let's say for example, we have Ahmed. He's 41. He's an engineering team lead from Cairo. So, step one, he writes down his three main roles. He's a team lead at a software

company. He's a husband, and he's the father of two young kids ages four and seven. Step one done, his three most important roles. Then we go to step number two for Ahmed. Step number two is, under team lead, we're going to pick one, he lists five specific things he does on a normal day. He runs the 9:00 a.m. stand-up meeting with his team of eight engineers. He reviews code submitted by junior developers. He meets with the project manager to update her on our progress. He writes technical specifications for new features, and he coaches one of his engineers who's struggling with a difficult client.

He wrote down the specifics about his role. And then step number three. Step number three is, he talks out loud for 2 minutes. He describes his morning, waking up, getting the kids ready, commuting, starting work. When he listens back or just reflects on what he said, he realizes he said, "I take care of the kids." three times without explaining what that actually means. He also said work is busy instead of describing the specific pressure of his current deadline. He writes down phrases he wants to practice. For example, get the kids out the door, juggle multiple projects, coach my team, and under pressure to deliver. You see how now Ahmed will be able to describe part two of his identity. Part two being the present,

his roles. Remember part one of our five-part identity? Yes, part one is your past, your memories and experiences. Part two, your present, the roles you're in, helping someone understand your present idea, what you are currently doing, which leads to part number three. Internal, your beliefs, your values, and your personality. In other words, the inner world that drives how you think, decide, and how you respond in real life. Let's break this down though even more, the internal aspect of who you are. You see, this is the engine underneath everything else. Your beliefs shape what you see as possible. Again, helping someone understand your mind, your heart, your feelings, what you believe. Continuing, your values shape what you choose. Your

personality shapes how you naturally react. When this part is unclear or in conflict, nothing else feels solid, which is why it's often called the foundation of identity. So, when you're unable to share this part of your identity, it feels like you're a different person in English. So, what are the challenges you experience in English when it comes to sharing this part? Challenge number one, your beliefs sound like slogans instead of convictions. You see, deep beliefs need precise words to feel real. Without them, "I believe in hard work." sounds like a bumper sticker instead of something you actually live by. You need specific words. You need precise words to explain the internal aspect of your identity.

Challenge number two, you can't express nuance in what you value. You see, values aren't black and white. You might value honesty, but also kindness, freedom, but also responsibility. And holding that tension in English requires connecting words and phrases most learners don't have, which is again why there are so many times when you feel like your real identity, your real self, isn't coming out in English. And the third challenge is, your personality gets flattened. If you're sarcastic or witty or dry or thoughtful in your native language, English often strips that away because humor and tone live in specific phrasing, not in grammar rules. Again, I like to emphasize this point. My friend, you, yes you, looking at me or listening to me, you are intelligent.

You're amazing. And sometimes that gets lost in English because you're lacking the words, you're lacking the ways to express yourself. But this is meant to help you bring out each part of your identity. So, how can you do this? How can you show the internal part of your identity? Step one, write down three beliefs you live by. Things that actually guide your decisions. For example, I believe people deserve second chances. Or, I believe hard work shows respect. Keep them personal, not generic. Write down your beliefs, three of them. Make them personal. Don't give overgeneralized beliefs. What do you believe as a person? Let us know. Write them down.

Step number two now. Under each belief, write a short real-life example of a time that belief shaped what you did or said. This turns the belief from a slogan into a story. Again, making the connection. Finally, step number three, explain each belief out loud as if you're telling a close friend. First, the belief, then the story behind it. Notice where the belief felt strong and where the story felt weak, and mark the words you wish you had. Again, this is how you start to show the third part of your identity, your internal, your beliefs. So, let's check an example. Let's say for example, we have Min-jun.

Min-jun is 29, and she's a graphic designer from Seoul. So, she follows the steps. Step one, he, excuse me, writes down three beliefs that he lives by. Belief number one, I believe honesty is more important than being liked. Belief number two, I believe creative work deserves to be protected, not rushed. Belief number three, I believe family comes first even when it's inconvenient. Now, these are Min-jun's beliefs. Step one, he wrote them down. Step number two, under the first belief, he writes a real-life example. Last year, my manager asked me to approve a design I thought was weak. Everyone else in the meeting said it looked great. I told her honestly that I didn't think it was ready, and I suggested two changes. She was

surprised, but she listened. The final decision was much better. My coworkers told me afterwards they agreed with me, but were afraid to say anything. Min-jun wrote a real-life situation that matched his belief, and then he did step number three. He explains the belief out loud to an imaginary close friend. He speaks for about a minute. When he finishes, he notices the story landed well, but when he tried to explain why honesty matters more than being liked, he said, "Because it's the right thing." He knows in Korean he would have said something much deeper, something about respect, trust, and the long-term cost of silence.

He writes down what he wants to say next time. "I'd rather be respected than liked. Silence builds up. Eventually, it breaks the trust." So, Min-jun put into practice the three steps so that the next time he has a conversation, the next time he interacts with someone in English, he'll be able to show part three of his identity, the internal, his beliefs. This leads us now to part number four. But we can't forget part one again. Part one, your past. The things that happened to you, your memories, your experiences. Part number two, your present, your roles. Part number three, we just did, your internal, your beliefs. And part number four is now the future.

Your purpose and direction. In other words, the vision of where you're going and why it matters. Why does it matter where you're going? So, let's break this down. In other words, your future self pulls you forward. Without a clear sense of direction or purpose, life feels like you're drifting. But with it, even hard days have meaning because they're moving you somewhere. You're going somewhere. You have a vision. You have a dream, and you want to share this part of your identity with others in English. Continuing, this part of identity isn't about having every detail figured out. It's about

knowing the general direction of where you want to go. It's a part of who you are. Why is it so challenging in English to express this part of your identity? Challenge number one, dreams sound childish when you simplify them. You see, saying I want to have a good life hides the real specific ambitious vision you have. But the words to express ambition with depth, for example, pursue, build toward, dedicate myself to, they often feel out of reach. And this is one of the first challenges that you experience trying to show part four, your future self, the future part of your identity.

Challenge number two, you can't talk about uncertainty. You see, the future isn't just goals, it's hopes, doubts, maybes, and what ifs. And expressing that in-between space requires soft, flexible language most learners haven't practiced. This is why you feel like a part of your identity is not really being revealed when you speak English. And challenge number three, purpose sounds generic. You see, when you try to explain why something matters to you, [snorts] the words come out cliché. It's important to me instead of the layered personal reason that lives in your head. This is why you experience this struggle of I want to show who I am in English, but it's just not coming out. How can you do it though? Here's step number one.

Write down three things you want for your future. One short-term, like next year, one medium-term, next five years, and one long-term. Your bigger life vision. Be specific. Open my own bakery instead of do something with food. So, next year, five years, and 10 years, what you're planning to do. Next, I want you to for each one answer two questions on paper. Why does this matter to me? And what would change in my life if it happened? This is where your real purpose lives, in the why, not the goal itself. And you're probably noticing something.

We're going deep into English. It's not about the words and expressions, it's about your ability to organize your thoughts and be able to show who you are. I'm teaching you how to use your brain like a native speaker. Step number three, write a short paragraph, five to seven sentences, about your future vision using your answers. Read it out loud twice, once normally, once slowly, and notice which sentences felt powerful and which felt flat. The flat ones are where you need stronger words. Put this into practice. Let me show you what this actually sounds like. So, we have Priya, 38, she's a nurse from Mumbai living in London. She does this. Step number one, she writes down three things she wants

for her future. Short-term goal, finish my advanced practice nursing certificate certification. Medium-term, five years from now, move into a nurse educator role at a teaching hospital. And long-term, bigger vision, maybe 10 years from now, open a free training program for immigrant nurses adjusting to the UK system. These are her goals, her vision for the future. Then she does step two. She answers the two questions for her long-term vision. Why does this matter to me? She says, "When I moved here from India, I felt invisible for two years. I knew my skills, but no one here could see them because I didn't understand their

system. I don't want other nurses to feel what I felt." The second question, what would change if my life in my life if it happened? Her answer, "I would feel like my struggle had a purpose. The hardest years of my career would become the foundation of helping or for helping someone else skip the pain I went through." You see what's happening? When you're writing this down, you're giving your brain an opportunity to put into words your identity using English words. And step number three, Priya says she writes a short paragraph and reads it aloud.

"My dream is to open a training program for immigrant nurses in the UK. When I arrived, I felt lost. My skills were strong, but the system was foreign. I spent two years feeling invisible. I want to build something that shortens that journey for others. If I can do that, then the hardest part of my story becomes the most useful part." When she reads this out loud, she notices the line I felt lost it kind of felt flat. What she really felt was invisible, overlooked, underestimated. So, she writes those three words, invisible, overlooked, underestimated, down as her next vocabulary to practice. You see how powerful this is?

She wanted to show her identity, the future part of her identity. Again, remember a five-part identity system, almost a tongue twister. Part one, showing your past, your memories, your experiences. Part two, the present, the roles you're currently in. Part three, internal, your beliefs. And part four, yes, your future, leading us to external reflection, feedback, and environment. In other words, how the world around you responds to shapes and mirrors who you are. How does the world see you? As we're moving to part five of your identity, how does the world see you? Let's break this down even more. Explanation, you don't build identity alone. The people around you, your culture, your community, and the feedback you receive

all shape how you see yourself. When your environment reinforces who you're becoming, identity strengthens. When it rejects or contradicts you, identity gets harder to hold on to. This is why the people you spend time with matter so much. What people think about you, this is external reflection. How people see you. Why is it so challenging though? Why is this such a challenge? Number one, you can't describe the people who shaped you. For example, family, mentors, and close friends each play a specific role in your life. And describing those relationships takes vocabulary for connection, influence, and dynamics that goes beyond we're close or he's nice.

You want to describe them, but you don't have the vocabulary. The second challenge is cultural experiences don't translate cleanly. Explaining how your culture, country, or community shaped you often requires English words that don't fully capture the reality. So, you end up simplifying an experience that feels huge to you. You want to give it in more detail, but you're not able to. And your third challenge is you can't name how others make you feel.

You see, feeling seen, misunderstood, supported, dismissed, celebrated, or overlooked, these are the emotions tied to how the world responds to you. And without the words for them, you can't share the experience of being in the world as you. You want to describe how it feels to be seen by others in the right light, but you just aren't able to. Oh, but there's a way. How to, step number one, make a list of three people who shaped who you are today. Could be family, a mentor, childhood friend, or someone who hurt you. Next to each name, write one sentence about how they influenced you. How did they influence you? These individuals are a part of your identity. Step number two, for each person, describe the

relationship in three details. How you met them, one specific moment you remember with them, and how you feel about them now. This forces you past we're close into real description, describing how they affected you. And step number three, pretend you're introducing each person to a new friend in English. Speak about them out loud for one minute each. Afterward, write down the moments where you said nice, good, or close. Those are the places where richer words need to replace the basics. This is how you start showing the fifth part of your identity. Again, the external reflection. So, let's see how this was done. Elena, 45, small business owner from São Paulo. Step one, she

lists three people who shaped her. Her father, João, he taught her that hard work and dignity are the same thing. Her fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Ribeiro, "She was the first person who told me I was smart when my family couldn't see it." And her best friend, Carla, "She's been honest with her for 25 years even when it hurt." So, three individuals who are important to her. Then step two, she writes three details about Mrs. Ribeiro. How we met, "She was my teacher the year my parents got divorced when I was 10. I was struggling and quiet. One specific moment, she kept me after class one day and told me, 'You're not quiet because you have nothing to say,

you're quiet because no one has been listening.' I remember exactly where I was standing. And finally, how I feel about her now. She wrote, "I still carry her voice with me when I doubt myself. I found her 10 years ago and sent her a letter. She cried when she read it." So, you see how even though this is an example, we're understanding more about Elena. And step number three. She introduces Mrs. Ribeiro to an imaginary friend speaking for 1 minute. Here she goes. When she finishes, she notices she said she was a good teacher twice and we are still close at the end. She knows Mrs.

Ribeiro was much more than a good teacher. She was the first person who really saw her. And their relationship isn't just close, it's something deeper. A kind of quiet lifelong bond. She writes down, "She saw me. She believed in me. A lasting bond and she shaped who I became." This is how she was going to improve. Elena was going to improve how she showed who she was to others in English. Part number five, external reflection.

Remember, there are five parts to your identity and you show these parts to those you encounter. I'll talk to you in the next lesson.