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Uh-oh. What happened there? Who are you? Me. Yeah. I'm Louis. Oh, Louis. Who's that? It's Louis. Who's Louis? I was in Phoenix, Arizona, the capital of America's population of retirees and its sufferers of dementia. A vast community of the increasingly forgetful and in some cases eccentric lives here. And alongside them, the husbands, wives, and children who love them. Thank you. I was here to try to experience their lives at first hand. The struggle of living in a world of encroaching shadows and of keeping relationships alive in circumstances that can be among the strangest and most challenging imaginable.
My journey began here at Beatitudes, a retirement community with a specialist unit for people with dementia. I don't know where she is, if she's okay. A resident on the second floor called Janet Cottrell had seen an intruder. Janet, who was yelling at you? The woman that was in here. She was climbing in her pajamas and going She was in that room. I don't know where she could have gone so fast. Well, if you see her again, let her know you can push your button. Dawn Grant is in charge of the unit. You think that was a hallucination? I do believe so. You Why could it not be a real person?
I don't have any other small female skinny running around in their jammies right now. Another resident, and that can't move that fast, either. So, yeah, it's probably a hallucination. Well, it is a hallucination. Janet was a new arrival at Beatitudes. Her daughter, Nancy, came to see how she was settling in. Do you like the chair, Mom? Pardon? Do you like the chair? Do I like the chair? Yes, very much so. So, your mom just moved in yesterday, is that right?
Yes. And how did that go? Uh it was pretty emotional. Uh in the morning, it was very, very difficult when we told her she was coming, and How did you get to the point of feeling she needed to be here? She walked away from the house one day, and she didn't know where she was, and nobody knew where she was, and so that was the end of my being able to take care of her, because I couldn't keep her safe anymore. Of course, I keep thinking, you know, she likes to go out a lot. But we aren't allowed to go out. We don't have a car. Once your car was taken away, was that quite a big thing for you? It was terrible. And it still is, and Nancy says I cannot get my car back.
My mom, I hope knows that I love her very much, and that the reason that I'm doing these things is to keep her safe, and um I hope she remembers that. See, if you just leave me alone, I do all good things by myself. Yeah. At any point did you kind of say to Janet, you know, this is basically where you'll be living now? Um not yesterday before we left, no. It wasn't until and we really actually haven't said that. I have not said that to her at all.
Um Do not talk about this if she's not in the room. Okay. Include her in or don't have her in. Yeah. She's not saying when can I go home or anything? She's not, but she is under the impression she's here temporarily. She is, but so is Sonia, her roommate. And a half of the people here. Yeah, they all think they're going. They do. It's just such a transition to take them from what they're so used to put them in a new setting. It's okay to tell I guess they'd be white lies. Is that the right term?
Yes. We do it all the time. Right. Yeah, we tell white lies all day long here. All day. The residents of the memory support unit exist in a twilight world of half-remembered reality. So you have your oatmeal and you've got your pears. Does that look good? Staff have a philosophy of going along with the delusions of the residents to alleviate their sense of confusion and distress. Just to be clear about this, they cannot leave under their own steam. Correct. Because Um they're not safe. I mean, we can't guarantee that they can find their way back or um where they're going. So, we have it secured. The lift is right
there. So, how what's to stop them from going down in the lift on their own? You need to have a code to access the floor. One of the ways staff keep tabs on how residents are doing is through occasional memory tests. Hello. Hi Pat. Hello. How are you doing this afternoon? Well, I think I'm doing fine. Hi Pat. Hello. How are you? I'm fine. So as I mentioned to you earlier, I was going to come in and do an assessment just to kind of get a feel for how you're doing. It's going to be several questions related to testing your memory. Oh, okay.
I'm going to say three words, three objects, and I want you to repeat after me, okay? Mhm. Apple. Table. Penny. Try and remember those three words because I'm going to ask you again in a minute. Table. Apple, maple, maple, maple. To Oh, I've already forgotten it. Apple. Maple. Okay, we're going to come back to that question. Can you spell the word world backwards? D L R O W. Perfect. Oh, good. Perfect. Now, can you remember any of those three objects I asked you to repeat for me? Wor- or world. That's okay. What struck me was how well she did, and yet with the three objects, very quickly she'd forgotten. Mhm.
Short-term memory is always an issue on this floor. Who's at the front door over here? Who's at the front door, is it? I'll leave your walker right there. This is a hard place to get out. Really? One of the few men on the floor is 69-year-old Gary Gilliam. Well, I'd like to know where in the hell Mhm. You okay? Well, I'm worried. I got I'm I'm just going to walk up here and see if I can't What are you worried about? What am I worried about? There's nothing to worry about.
Well, guys get out and get lost. What sort of things do you enjoy doing here? How do you keep busy? This is my workplace. Doing? Uh dentistry or working on something dental or doing, you know, whatever. Whatever they want to put me to, I don't care. It's not really a medical building or something like that, but here we are. I never leave it. It's kind of strange that way.
Does he know where he is? He does know. He's um He seems to think he's involved in a dental practice. I know. Yeah. And one of the ways we redirect him is to have him examine our teeth. When you say um redirect means what? If he's on a mission to go outside or if he's just having one of those moments that he's irritable, you can easily redirect him by saying, "Hey, Dr. Bragary, I have a problem with my tooth. Can you take a look at my inside my mouth?" And he will. Want to take a walk with me? Sure, I'll walk with you. See, now they change these things about every other week. Push until alarm sounds. Door will be open 15 seconds. That's a siren going off for 15 seconds through this building. You can't use that. No.
That's ridiculous. No. So, I you know, what can I do? I'm screwed. Someone told me you used to be a dentist. I am a dentist. I guess once a dentist, always a dentist, you know? It's like being born an Indian or something, you know? You're always going to be an Indian. Would you take a quick look at my teeth? Yes, sir, I would. They're not very clean, though. Well, I know. You're a Brit, aren't you? Yeah. Well, you guys don't clean your teeth like we do. I know. Bite down, please.
You got good occlusion. You could feel No, you're a crossbite back there. Uh-oh. Yeah, I wouldn't do anything about it cuz it's not going to hurt you now. Yes, ma'am. Aren't you beautiful? Are you sleeping with me tonight? No. you're beautiful. Are you sleeping with me tonight? No. Damn. I don't want to talk about racking a man's night. Nancy, are they? It's reckoned that one in eight Americans aged 65 and over has Alzheimer's, the most common cause of dementia. On the right. The rates climb alarmingly with age. Nearly half of the
over 85s has the disease. While some are in institutional settings, many sufferers are cared for at home by their loved ones. You have arrived. I was about to meet retired engineer John Vaughan. Hi, John. Hi, Louis, how are you? Louis. Yeah, good morning. Nice to meet you. John looks after his wife Nancy, who is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's. I'm Louis. Yes. Oh. [snorts] Hey, you're a beautiful.
Thank you. How are you? So are you. You're beautiful. Oh, why we're beautiful and beau- and uh let me see, what are we going to do with you? What are we going to do? Maybe a glass of water? Would you like that? Yes, I would. Oh, come with me. What is your memory like, Nancy? Are you aware of having problems with your memory? Yes. You forget things? Not very much. No. What would you say? I would say very much. Mhm. Nancy, what's your name? My name Yes, what's your name?
Here. Yes. At this point, what is your name? Yes, uh Yes. Nice to have Nancy. Uh what Okay. Do you know your last name? You know your Brad. Huh? Brad. Brad, okay. Is that Nancy's maiden name? No. Johnson is her maiden name. No, Brad. The And this is why this is there all the time. Sometimes she'll say, "Who's that?" And I'll say, "Well, that's you." And that's me. And that was in December 3rd, 1949. Gee, when's She's 89 years old. But you look so much younger. Right. How do you do that? I'm not doing it. I just don't know how I did do it. Yeah. But it's Doesn't she look great? Yeah.
[snorts and clears throat] And that's what Oh, this guy is smart. He's He's uh talented. Yes, I do. Yes. Yeah, she was a very social person. And so she has these reflexes built in. And that tricks some people to say, "Oh, Nancy got Alzheimer's? She doesn't look like she got Alzheimer's." If we say that the a lot of the verbal stuff is basically just a kind of conditioned response, what is real in what she expresses? What is When you have a hug or a kiss, I'm sitting here and she comes over and gives me a kiss. Or comes over and strokes my back or then hello there.
Uh when you when she does this, I know that's that's coming from for real. That's from a real place. Oh. Hm? You okay? Yes. Are you sad about something? Hm? No. Me? Yeah, are you sad about something? Oh, no. Gosh, no. Okay. All right. I love the whole system. You do? Mhm. That's good. Well, I couldn't get it any place. Hm? Give me a kiss. Thank you. Hm? That's good. No.
Inside and get set [clears throat] to go. You and I've got to go and have a little uh potty training here. Yes. Okay. Though they've been happily married for 40 years, John and Nancy have no children. And so responsibility for Nancy's care now falls squarely on John's shoulders. Can you help me a little bit? No, I cannot. Okay. John. Yes. Please, you're hurting me. Aged 88, John is carer to someone with many of the same needs as a very large toddler. You okay, John? [snorts] No. Not for me. No. It sounded That sounded quite stressful. She said she wanted to clout you at one point. think I was
having trouble getting her pants leg on and it was I was struggling with it and we have a course. We call it signal breathing and it's whether you're somebody's cutting you off in traffic or you have to change a pair of panties. John. I don't know what Wake up. I know a lot of people at this stage, because of the safety factor and also just because of the stress of being a carer, would start thinking about a home. An institution?
An institution. And they're they're very they're they're really delightful places and they're the care is great, but they cost $4,000 a month. A month? A month. Yeah. So, that's too much? Well, yeah, for my Couldn't afford it. So, Everybody's a nut. No. I know the feeling. Oh, you too? I do. Thank you, sir. Good morning, Gary. Want some breakfast, some hot coffee? Mhm. Back at Beatitudes, it was the start of another day. I'm trying to get my money together.
Gary, all the ladies are waiting on you. I do believe Gary is our youngest resident. And therefore, one of the fittest as well. Youngest resident? Mhm. What am I resident for? Of this floor, where you live in this apartment setting. How well do you feel you know Dawn? Know who? Dawn. How do I know you? Well, I haven't known you very much, because if I would, I'd remember you forever. Aw. Cuz you're a pretty lady. You remember the pretty ladies, huh? I try to. Right. I think I'm losing my grasp.
He tells me that every day. He's good for my ego. And are you married? No, sir. No. No way would have me. I had a you know, I had a sign out in the yard for a long time. It got to be embarrassing. What about Carla? That's the meanest little bugger in the world, but I just love her. Who's Carla? She's a little gal about this tall, isn't she? And she came to work for me. Right, exactly. And then she ended up running my office, and did an excellent job of it. She did. She's really a nice person. She a of them. Yes.
Carla Gilliam has been Gary's wife for 26 years. They started dating when she was just 21. She now lives on her own in the house they once shared. Pictures, pictures, pictures. Oh lord. There's Gary with his dogs. He just loves his dogs. What was the Gary of old like? Definitely an outdoorsman, highly intelligent, very interested in everything. And remembered things verbatim. Did he? Good memory. What was your first inkling that something was up? Probably when he came home and told me when he was in his sports car that he had um turned left to come home against traffic four lanes.
Um Has he gone back to a particular point in time? I think he's more in his 20s, early 30s. I'm not even a spouse cuz in his mind he would have never gotten married. In terms of your relationship with Gary now, how fulfilling is that for you? When he's really sweet and just kind of caring, then oh yeah, I savor that, but it's very little. Yeah. Hey Gary. I see you're getting photographed. Yes. That means you'll be in jail in a month. Yes. Oh, I know. Okay. So. Hi Gary. Hello. You remember me? Yes, I do. I decided to take Carla and Gary to lunch, but it was a bit more complicated than I'd expected.
Here are his two ladies right there. Hi Pat. Hi Betty. How are you doing? I'm doing just fine. goodness. I just need to ask you something quickly, Carla. You said these are two special friends of uh Gary's? Yes. Uh Betty is very possessive, but Pat is more normal. Then don't bring them both. No, absolutely not. No, we're going with Pat. You want to come to lunch with us? We're making a break for it. Don't tell anyone. Who's this young man searching for? I do.
You know how you guys sometimes stand at the elevator at night trying to escape? Yes. Okay. Well, I often go to sleep in the elevator. So you punch Well, I'm not telling you what you punch. That's top secret. Yeah. I don't understand why he's, you know, would it not be more normal for him to put his arm around you? Uh no, he's never been uh physically very I'm just his buddy. I want to burden kids, not burden kids. And how do you know Gary, Pat? Well, we met here at the Bistro. You get on well? Oh, yes. I consider him my best friend. There's another lady called Betty. And did you say that there's more intimacy in that relationship? Well, uh she, I guess, is always taking her
clothes off, and I've seen her a couple times. Um and um I don't know what happens after that. Taking her clothes in his room, yeah. And getting into bed with him? Uh my guess is, yeah. The idea of Gary with another woman performing sexually wouldn't wouldn't trouble you the least? No. Uh I just realize it's the disease and it's the way it is, and it's unconditional love. It's not It's nothing to be bad for me, you know, it's not. Um no. I've taken as good a care as I can of him, and I'm will do so to the end. You want me to carry you? No. I can carry you.
I'll carry. See you, kid. Okay. Love you. Nice doing business with you. Do you have business? Mhm. Once she comes into town Okay. So, Carla Yeah. What are your feelings for him at this point? Oh, I still I always loved him. Um haven't always liked him, but I've loved him. And I'm so saddened by this. It just I never thought I'd see Gary in this position. Is he the same person? Yeah. He's probably mellower. I wish he'd have been this way more in life. I guess I was just too young. And so, I you know, it's he's never treated me like he does somebody his age or What are you doing with your hat on?
You want me to go? Oh, you're going to take him for a walk? No, not in this heat. That's all right. Are you going to take me with you? No. Where are you going? You're still here. Remember you have a year's lease. So, I have to stay here? This is where you live. And I live in South Chandler. In my own house. Where are my parents right now? They need to be in touch with you. I wouldn't know. They don't call me. So, where are we going? You're You're staying with April. You're staying with me. You have the pleasure of that. Let's Let's go. Really?
Yeah. Come on. You got the pleasure of being with me. What are you What do I call you? Huh? Do you remember? Huh? What do I call you? A few hours after Carla had left, I caught up with Gary. Do you wish Carla was here with you right now? Uh yes in many ways, but if she's having a good time, that's just fine with me. Are you looking forward to her coming back? Yeah, I thought she'd be back today, maybe tomorrow now. She'll be back pretty soon.
She might be at home just resting up before she came down here, you know. Should we get out of your hair? No, I don't care. You can stay. We're okay? Yeah. Of course we strip search at the end of the day just to make sure nobody runs off with anything, you know that. I thought you only did that to the ladies. No, they'd scratch my eyes out and be completely blind. That's pretty good. I like that. Dementia is usually thought of as an older person's disease and yet it can strike people in their 40s and in very rare cases even younger.
Hello. Hi. How are you? Are you Celinda? I am. I'm Louis. Nice to meet you, Nice to meet you. Can I come in? Absolutely. Happy to have you. And this must be Glenn. Hi. Yes. How do you do? I'm Louis. meet you, Louis. Nice to meet you. Glenn and Celinda Border have been married 26 years. Two years ago, after Glenn noticed Celinda was misplacing car keys, she went for a checkup and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. So how old are you Cylinda?
How old am I Glenn? Do you know? Huh? Do you know? I'm not sure right now. Cylinda is 49. Yeah, almost 50. 49 did you have you forgotten you'd forgotten that? No, no I didn't forget that. Uh I didn't really. I think you know that's that's the one thing about the disease is you know I think she knows what she's wants to say but she's just not able to say it. And I notice a lot of times you know as the disease is going on she has it on the tip of her tongue but she can never get it out. How fast are things changing now in terms of personality and ability? It's kind of I think it's kind of not as bad as it had been.
Well that's you know that's another part of the disease. She thinks she can do more than what she can. She has her cell phone and she has the difficulty even calling somebody. What is the tricky part about making a call on a cell phone? Well that's a good question cuz I don't seem to be able to get it. Would you feel weird about trying to do that? No that's fine. It's fine. You know I think I mean people have to know this. They have to understand what it's about. Okay, here. What are we doing? Just try dialing our home phone number.
Our phone number? Yeah, dial 253 Okay wait a minute. Where am I? Okay the two. The two? Where is it? I can't even see it. Okay. Come on Glenn just do it. That's uh Sorry. Yeah. Guys. And see and then see But I don't understand. You can't This is The two is right there in the middle of the screen pad there. Okay, let me see. You know what I mean I know what you're saying. No two is right there. You can still read right? Yeah I can still read.
Somehow. So, So, this reaffirms that she's to the point where she needs somebody with her during the day. I don't want people with me during the day. I really don't. I don't want you to be here by yourself if, you know, there's an emergency. get out. I know how to get out. Well, it's I can. That's her chin. Hey, Kelly. What? Can I introduce you to somebody? Making Glenn and Selinda's situation rather more complicated is the presence of their young daughter, Kelly, aged nine.
We're from London. We're making a documentary. Awesome. Yeah, exactly. That's what I thought. We're going to go and get ice cream. Yeah. Is that what you wanted? No, but it's okay. I'll eat it. What did you want? What was it I used to get? This is not what I used to get. You used to have a black cherry. Has it been difficult getting used to your mom not being able to do some things? How have you found that? Um Well, it is kind of difficult cuz sometimes I forget to do stuff.
Sometimes I do my homework in the morning. And I kind of wish my mom could drive cuz then sometimes we get late for my bus. That's the thing where I feel, you know, bad about Kelly is I can't replace her mother. You know, as hard as I try, I can never fill that spot. Back at the Attitudes, I was making my first visit to the fourth floor. Here they care for residents with the most advanced cases of dementia. Most of the people living here can no longer speak coherently.
Some appear physically fit and yet their minds are almost completely disconnected. Hi, Mom. How are you? David Watson was making his weekly visit to his mother, Gail. Just walking. Did you go walking after your nap? Mom? Hi. Can I have a hug? No. Hey, Mom. Do you know this guy? Do you remember our cherry tree in Ohio? Yeah? Do you remember that? Graduation. Katie. They're nice pictures, aren't they? We could put them down here and have a look at some more. Do you want to look at some more?
No. Golly, golly. I know. She's She's down to uh the one word. For a while she was doing uh sentences in a sort of staccato. But I but that and then she would finish finally finish the word after a few minutes. And uh if you were careful, you could kind of figure out what she was saying. Not necessarily that the sentence had any connection to anything that was going on, but at least she was trying to make a pattern. And uh the last few months, it's golly. Hi. It's like fresh all over again. Right? Nope. Do you think she recognizes you? Uh sometimes. I'm not sure now. I wasn't seeing it. No, I didn't see it that one. Yeah. The other one, maybe.
There's you know, sometimes they're glimmer. You know, I No, and my sisters don't visit. Uh because this is hard. Uh I come frequently enough that I'm used to it. It doesn't make it easy. Uh you know, I told other people this is it's one of the worst possible things that can happen. Except she's happy. You say she's happy now as though maybe she wasn't happy before. She's always been a little bit uh shy and a little scared of uh public situations and uh you know, stressed. You know, she was a nurse. She was a cardiac care nurse uh up until 2000. And uh you know, that's a hard job. And uh you know, she doesn't have any of that.
There's She has no concerns left. Hi. What have you found? What is this? Does it sing? Hi. How are you doing? Can I have a hug? Have a hug. Do you think so? What else? How are you? Oh, look. If you're going to live in fragments of time, then you know it's not a bad fragment, right? So, that's why I come visit. Cuz sometimes that happens and then, you know, that's good. With its large population of dementia sufferers, Phoenix has developed a specialized industry for dealing with the disease. At Banner Alzheimer's Institute, I was meeting up with Glenn and Selinda.
Selinda was about to undergo a checkup. Good. How you doing? Nice to see you. Pleasure to see you. What's going on? Good. Get up. Nice to see you. Nice to see you. How everything's going? Good. Since last time you were here, any changes that you've noticed with anything? No? Same old stuff. Same old Mhm. What I'd like to do now is borrow Glenn for a little bit. Okay. So, wait right here All right. and we shall return soon. So, so Glenn, what's going on?
It seems like she's a lot more confused. Uh the other night I asked her I said, "Selinda, can you get your cell phone?" And she brought me her purse in one hand and her keys in the other hand. And I said, "Do you have your cell phone?" And she reached out with her keys and says, "Here it is." Mhm. So, I'm I'm starting to notice that when you ask her to do something, she is just confused. Got it. I think Callie, you know, is learning that also. Okay. You know, we went out last night and I got a little bit frustrated and Cali comes over she goes, "Dad, remember the S words, slow and sweet." And I'm just like, "You're right, Cali.
You're right." And you know, it makes me proud to see that Cali is joining in this as far as, you know, getting a little bit more idea uh of an idea how to deal with her mother. Excellent. Let's see what we got in here for you. What's the name of this place that we're in right now? Where we're at right now? Okay. Yeah. What kind of building is this? What do you mean what kind of building is it? It's a place that we come to see you.
Very good. That works. And what city are we in? Where What one? What city? Phoenix? Mhm. Excellent. Very good. I can do those. Good. You can do this. All right. Well, let's let's start with this. Blank sheet of paper. Oh, great. I need you to draw a clock for me. Draw a big circle, put in all the numbers, and set the time to 10 after 11. I don't know this one. Oh, just give it a try. That's bad. This is going to be hard. Huh? You're just making a clock face. face?
Uh-huh. Great. All right. You're putting all the numbers on the face of the clock. Okay. Starting where? Well, it doesn't Does it not matter? It doesn't matter. Okay. Just put in all the numbers that would go on the clock. Okay. So, start here? Uh-huh. Yeah. So, one. Uh-huh. Two. I don't know what I'm doing here. Two. Three. Four. Oops. Four. Okay. And set the time to 10:11 10:11 God. 10 I'm not telling you now. Sorry, it's okay. I know. It's right down there.
You're doing the best you can. My feeling is I don't think we need to do any more. You seemed that you wanted to just stop the test. I just wondered why. Um it's causing her distress and it's not going to give me additional information that would change my management. So, yeah, I don't want to put her through it if it's not going to change anything. Then what's the prognosis? What happens? Unfortunately, uh despite everything we're doing, she's going to continue to get worse. Likely at the same rate uh unless something else happens. Uh but she's on the maximum or almost maximum uh medications that we could give her.
I'm glad we have them. They help. But we need better medications. We need something, if not to halt the disease, even better, something to prevent it. And that's what we're working on here. A short while after the test, I sat down with Glenn and Cylinda for a debrief. Cylinda, do you have a plan for the next 6 months to a year to 2 years? I hope so. What is your plan? I don't have one very much, but I uh asked Dr. Yari the last time we were in. What did he say? In your best opinion, when will it be that Cylinda will no longer be able to recognize Cal and I?
I don't think it's going to be that soon. And he said that uh you know, he can't give me a exact day, which I wasn't asking for, but I was kind of shocked when he said probably 2 years. 2 years? Are you kidding me? No. That sucks. No, it does. It sucks big time. It does. How come you didn't tell me that? I did. When? After the appointment. What? Today? But that's okay. You can forget about it, okay? You just live every day like it's a new day. Yeah. Okay, honey.
I'll be fine. I was paying another visit to John Vaughan. He'd asked me to take care of Nancy for the morning with responsibility for everything except bathroom emergencies. You were quite keen on the idea of me being Nancy's carer. I wanted you to experience what goes on and how you communicate and what I'm what I go through and uh doing things like uh playing ball. Or you're about to play Okay. Okay, got it. Are you ready? I could I'm going to have to go away. I'm sorry. Sorry, did I take you by surprise? Yes. Yes, you did. I'm sorry. That's all right. Should we try? No, probably.
Okay. Should we try again? Are you ready? Yes. Here it goes. WHAT DO WE DO? THE BROOM IS IN THE CA- IN THE closet right there. You set me up, John. Did you know that was going to happen? You're boring, uh Louis. Okay. Let's try this again. Here we go, Nancy. Ready? Aim, fire. Exactly. You did it. Of course. Hello. What are you laughing at? Cuz you keep kissing the ball. Well, I have nobody else here to kiss.
I'll be right with you, Louie. Okay. Louie, Nancy, take care of Louie while I'm away for a second or two, okay? Certainly. Okay, thank you. Okay, bye. And um are there any things that redirect Nancy to a more positive place? You're You're the improvisation man. Improvise. Okay. Thank you. See you later. Yeah. Should we go for a little walk? I don't know. I'm not that tone. I'd rather come stay on my own company here and be You want to swore by you.
You too. Take my hand. We'll go this way. Oh, that's nice. And put your arm through the sleeve. Yes. There it goes. That's enough. Ooh. There we go. Decided to start the day with a morning constitutional. Okay. We did it. Knock me down. With a feather. Oh, where are we going? We're going for a little walk. Oh, my goodness. What's a little walk? Just up and down the block. Ah, no. No, no. So, I'm going to stop pretty soon, and but I want to sit down for about I don't know how many
whatevers. Should we turn around then? The walk was soon abandoned, and we returned to base for sustenance. No. Oh, this is wonderful, cuz it's nice and Norse. Is that right? Yes. Nice and comfortable. Yeah. Cheers. Would you like to try one? One what? Cookie. That? No, these. Looks like same thing. That's for you. Those ones are for you. Tell Give me the same here. Take one of the cookies. Yes. In your hand. Yes. Pick it up. Yes, sir.
Ooh. Try eating it. That's what I've got it in my hand. Ooh. Should I put some music on? Yes. What kind? Anything you've got and thought. Running low on ideas, I resorted to the CD player. You going to spend all day on the floor like that? Well, that's that's okay. You can do anything you want. You won't. What are you doing? We're looking at photographs. Oh. I wondered whether some old photos might jog some memories. Is it you or not?
I don't know. Did you see that one? That's a funny one. Yeah. I wonder why you were yawning. I probably was tired. What? You okay, Nancy? I'm Louie. Yes. We're just relaxing. Hey, hey, you having fun? Hey, look who it is. Where did you Who You haven't Isn't this a nice guy? Isn't Louie a nice guy? Oh, yes. Oh. Who is John Frayn? That's my name. Somewhere up there. John V A U G H A N Vaughn. Yes. And your name is Nancy Vaughn.
We'll make up a time. Make up a time? Make up your mind is what she means. Blind. Yeah, time in mind. You're beginning to understand her. I think it would be a good idea if John and I went and talked about that thing we were discussing. Okay. All right. be okay? It's all right as far as I'm concerned. How much of Nancy is still here, do you think? 30%. But all of it is still in here. My memories of a great 61 years and a feeling I an oath that I said certain things that we were going to be with each other until death do us part. And it hasn't parted us yet. I want you. Who?
All of you. Well, you can't have us all. You have to pick one. Why? In [clears throat] moment to moment, I feel like Nancy understands. That's right. Those moments are the things that uh make the this hard parts of the day worthwhile. Now, isn't that nice? I thought so and I just have been going since. And then and the comprehension of that speech is kind of gratifying, don't you think? Yes. Well, I think you're going to stick with John. You like me. I more than that. Much more than that. Oh, boy. Sex? Mhm. Who could tell?
I No, I won't go for you for that. No, okay. You want to? Well, that's that's a point. What's the matter you hated? Oh, my man. There's my picture over there. I see your picture over there. Don't go out anyplace. I'm not going to go anyplace. Cuz I owe you so much. You owe me so much. love you. we owe each other so much. And that's what's the sustaining us right now. It is? Mhm. Well, we have to be sustained, so. Yep. How you guys doing? How are you doing? Going along. How you doing? I'm trying to get packed up. Packed up? Not a very easy thing. Nice to see you again.
You're getting packed? At Beatitudes, Gary was in high spirits. He'd got word that he'd be moving on. Okay. You know what? I just take all these home because it'll probably be a time before I get back here pretty good on this circuit. This is a trip where you just go and you don't know who else is going to be in here. In here? Yeah, you don't know the next occupant. No. Well, you just know that he's probably a an officer in one of the US forces, probably army. Most of them are armies.
Some myth. [clears throat] You guys need some floss or something? I've got my own, thanks. Okay. All right. Well, you're keeping track of me, young man. So, Gary is packing to leave. Yes, something common that he does. Uh sometimes it's looking for his car keys, other times it's packing up to leave. Hi, Gary. Hi. Uh What are you doing? Well, I was going to get my stuff and pack in my Oh, okay. suitcase. Where did the old woman go? Well, let's walk back down to your room.
Okay, well, well, this is where you're going to stay at for tonight, okay? What? Just here for tonight and then tomorrow No, I was going to carry it home with me. Oh, okay. Well, tonight we're going to stay here tonight, okay? You're going to stay here? I'm going to work tonight and you can stay in this nice comfortable bed. a bicycle ride would kill you, young'un. Though Gary was confused on the question of his leaving, it struck me that on this occasion, he wasn't the least bit anxious. Why, have you lads found to a pretty army officer? Good specimen right there. Never been called a specimen before. That's a new one.
Well, you are. Look at that. Oh, capped up there. Mhm. Sharp, sharp. Where did our boys from uh, Britain go? I'm one of them. Are you? Yes, I am. I recognize you. Thank you. Yeah, it's good to see you again. Good to be here. Everything good? It just goes on and on, you know, it's a big wheel. It is. Yeah, if you try to stop it, it'll just roll over you. Yeah. And, uh, you know, it's just one of those things. Yeah, better off rolling with it. Better off cooperating as best you can.
You rascal. What are you What am I following you for, dear? Oh, you want to come down here and watch the movie? With my time in Phoenix nearly at an end, I was making one last visit to see Glenn and Selinda. There were plans afoot for Glenn to get more support at home. We had a, uh, friend call us and said that, uh, she'd be glad to move out here to Phoenix and for room and board, be Selinda's companion. It's not going to start this early, honey. Well, we're almost to the point, so we'll talk about it. We'll talk about it and see if it's Do you know this person that Glenn has in mind? Yes, but I'm not sure that would be the one, cuz I'm not going to have anybody else's dogs over here, that's for sure.
Well, that's sometimes you have to put up with. It is pretty much of a godsend, though. Yeah, but still. Do you think it may not be the right person, Selinda? I, you know, I just want to be independent. And Glenn doesn't want me to be anymore. No, it's I want you to also to be independent. You love me so much, I know, darling. But, the fact is and the truth is that you probably I'll do. We'll see. We shall see.
In some ways it might be that she knows what's coming and she's trying to fight off those things, those different uh steps where she's she see she's losing her independence. They say at the beginning in some ways it's hardest because you're you're still fighting it in a way, if that makes sense. And then there comes a point when it just becomes a new normal. At that point there in their mind for all I can think that everything's fine. Mhm. But then it switch is over to the caregiver and any of the family. What's it going to be like when you look at the person you've been with for so many years and they don't remember you? What is your obligation to someone as they change in that way? I've got to think about Callie and myself. We've we've got
to go on. I've read about people that have had Alzheimer's and they live 20, 30 years. And that's, you know, a question if she lives that long financially at the cost of a nursing home. So I thought about, you know, do I have to down the road do I have to, you know, go into the courts and get a divorce from Salinda? You know, and make her award of the state, so I don't know. You know, that's something I need to talk to an elder attorney and say, "What do I do? What have other people done?" That's the point. But this time of year it's cheaper, right? Mhm. I would say yes. All families affected by dementia are faced with incredibly hard choices.
You made the But Glenn and Salinda were in the impossible position of battling the disease whilst also trying to raise a child. go wrong there. [snorts] I just want to hope that I can be around to see Callie, you know, grow up. That's what bothers me. Yeah. But she's a pretty good girl. I mean, she if she has to, she can make it happen, you know, so that's a good thing, I think. And there's still plenty of time. Oh, yeah. I'm counting on that. Before leaving Phoenix, I was making one last call at Beatitudes, tagging along with Carla for her weekly visit.
She told me she'd noticed a deterioration in Gary. She'd begun talking about moving on, making plans for a new life for herself without her husband. Hi, Gary. You're so It'll be a championship run. How are you doing anyway, huh? Good. You better. I haven't seen you. I know you haven't. I've been looking up and down the street where all the action is. Yeah, well, find me, have you? You rascal. What are we doing? Sit down in your favorite chair. I'm I think we're doing okay, don't you, Carla?
Yeah, I'm doing fine. You know, you call me up You have nothing to complain about. Tell me to bend over and kiss my ass and then you're gone. I don't either. Now, cut it out. Stop that. No, I'm I'm just teasing you. Look at those cheeks now. They're a little redder and redder. I'll get you. No, I'll get you. Fosters took me out last night. Did they? Mhm. Kevin and his wife, Joyce. Oh, yeah, Kevin. He's nice guy. I didn't go to bed till 1:00.
You know, it seemed like a real conversation you were having. Didn't it to you? Like you were mentioning people. You said, "Oh, yeah, how's he doing?" And he understood Phil, his high school buddy that lives in Texas. But then, you know, he's still as positive as Mom's alive. So, he's nowhere near normal. Are you sentimental? Is there a sentimental part of you that is still attached? It's just sadness. No, no sentimental. It's just sadness. I probably feel it less than I did. Um every day gets easier and better.
Um but uh no. I've I've kind of let go. I've I've done all I can do. The last appointment of my stay was with Janet and Nancy. They'd been the first people I'd met on my journey a few weeks earlier when Janet had just moved in and she'd been at loggerheads with her daughter. How are you today? I'm good, thanks. How's my mom behaving? She's always good. She always is good? is. Most pleasant person, really nice.
How you doing? Hi Janet. Hi. How you doing? I'm hanging in. Should we go down this way? We can go anywhere we want. Here we are. Yeah, so it's pretty cozy. Yeah, it's nice now. I've got lots of photos. Yeah, she can watch TV, she can do a puzzle. Does Janet seem more settled? I think she's settled. I think she's uh much happier than she was. And I think too it's nicer not for me not to have to tell you what to do now, right? For sure. So, that's huge for us. a mother once. She has need to be taking my place. Yeah, and I really don't want to be your mother, so it's good to be a daughter again. I mean, I see what's happened here and it makes me so happy because
um we can be friends again and we can be mother and daughter the way it's supposed to be. And it's so much better. Right. Right Mom? Right. I was at the end of my stay in Phoenix and the world of dementia. I'd come to see that the people who suffer most from the disease are often those left in the position of carers. And yet they still find their share of happiness and humor in their relationships. The ones they love face a different kind of struggle with confusion and uncertainty. But they too are managing to enjoy life in an ever shrinking circle of forgetfulness.
I can't believe I'm watching a bunch of adults do this. Oh now you're smiling. Look at that. There we're going kids. Now you're going.
