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What is that? It's like a piece of candy stuck on the pillow. It's terrible. It's almost like they've fallen out of love for this place. And look at that. Big dirty stain. It's sad because it's almost on the verge of being neglected. And you've got two owners that have clearly run themselves into the ground. You think of a lodge in this area, you think of something that's cozy, it's warm and inviting. This is depressing. Oh dear.
Always a great way to find out how often a place is cleaned. Check out the filters. Oh dear. That's That's 15 years of dust. Shit's in there. Turn this thing off. It doesn't take much to clean that. Hence the reason why this room stinks. I'll buy an air freshener. [cough] Why? Ask. Did you make that? No. What is that? It's some kind of cheesecake that you know the collapsed cheesecake.
Looks like a landmine. What year is that from? Like 1876. Wow. Next ticket. Karina, please. Your salad will be right up. Full time or part time? Is it okay to chew gum in front of customers or Dave just lets it go on? Um probably not. No, it's very gross. And Zach, I know you can't tell staff what to do, but uh this young lady's chewing gum. I just I don't know. All right, yes. No, I know, but um is It's not typical, no, yes. Sorry? Yeah, it's not typical. Laura, please shoot spit your gun out. Thank you.
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. You sure? Yeah, you're good. What's going on here? Yeah, you're right. She didn't have a gun. Absolutely. Excuse me, for just 1 second. Nice place. My God. What happened to him? He didn't last very long, did he? We found our cat in the Huh? What's it now? Dead cat in the cabbage? Isn't that funny? Come on. Hello, welcome. Nice to meet you. Likewise, good to see you, too. Golden, first name is?
Melissa. Good morning. How are you? Lisa Cropp. Lisa, nice to see you. You don't look very happy. I do. No, no. I think it's my resting face. Well, um Yes, welcome to the Vienna. I'm so happy to be here. What happened to the cat? Poor thing. Cat got run over in the Oh, I see. And you got it stuffed? For Halloween. Right. Actually, better to see you now. Right, um yeah. Uh, love the attire, by the way. Thank you. Everyone wears this.
Wow, how much are the outfits? About $300, $400. $300? Average, you know. They get their own. I mean, they're their own dresses, you know? Oh, you buy your own uniforms? Yes, we do. Stop it. We do. Well, they have them for many years, and it reminds them to not gain weight. He really sucks. He couldn't have cooked worse than he did. Can you pull my ankle? It hurts so much. I'm never going to be able to walk tonight.
Oh, God. Don't worry about it. We'll be fine. We'll figure something out. Doesn't [__] listen to me, does he? Oh, I feel so good. I'm not really that upset. I'm just crying because I want to right now. I've heard rumors around town that the basement is known as a swinger's hangout and is used for late-night parties. So, before dinner service, I want to take a look at what's downstairs. Wow. Look at this. My god. Some really expensive stuff. This is crazy. I can't believe how much stuff there is here. It's like they're spending the money in all the wrong places.
Look at that. This place goes on and on. Oh my god. Please shower before entering the mineral spa. Mineral spa? Oh my god. This is like a dungeon. Dungeon for swingers. Oh my god. Every turn there's just junk everywhere. Well, this is cooking stuff. Trust me, I know what cooking stuff is and this is not cooking stuff. Just okay. How does this kitchen function? Give me a little tour.
It's very challenging. What's that in there? That's a burger that I'm heating up. A boiled? Yeah. You're boiling a burger? I'm heating it back up. When you say heating it back up, why aren't you cooking it from fresh? We make them ahead of time. Yes, this is what we got here. We don't A boiled burger? Are you aware the burgers are boiled? Um no. Do you think a customer would want a burger boiled in water?
They seem to like them. Just taste the water. Do I have to? I must say it's funny. You won't taste it. Okay, but I just Taste like water with beef in it. That seems okay. When they fix a nice kaiser roll with lettuce, tomato, onion. Oh, come on. Ah, [__] No, this is a joke. This is terrible. A boiled burger. I'm appalled to learn that the town's inn boils pre-cooked burgers. Brenda Well, just show me the table with the burger. And what's more frustrating is how Karen doesn't think there's anything wrong with that. Come with me 2 seconds. I'm going to show you something. Perfect. Let me take that.
Absolutely. So, that's your burger. Out of respect as a customer, I'm not going to sit and watch you eat that [__] Let me show you. So, is this the chef? Yes. Will you just explain how you cook that? We pre-cook it. No, start from the top, please. I'm not going to let you eat that. We um pre-cook them. You made the burger when? Um Gio, when were the burgers made? Yesterday, I believe. Yesterday? Just explain how you reheated them for the gentleman.
I reheated them, I put water in there, and I put the burger in there. Were you expecting a fresh burger or some [__] reheated from yesterday? I will give you a fresh burger. My apologies, sir. Thank you. I'm sorry, sir. Okay, this ticket refused their food. Okay. Disgusting. Explain the rotisserie chicken, please. Show the table. Yeah. This is the dish of the day. It's our rotisserie chicken.
It was roasted 6 months ago in a grocery store, and we're serving it for $12. On the menu, it's You've got rotisserie chicken. Yeah. You buy them at a grocery store. Yes. And you freeze them, and you reheat them in the microwave. Not in the microwave. It went in the microwave. What is going on here? Well, we have a menu, and we just do it. I mean No, it's just pathetic. How many of your guests tonight think that their chicken's been roasted in house?
Maybe half. Let's just Let me come in and let's let's double-check. Ladies and gentlemen, so sorry. Can I just have your attention for 30 seconds? How many of you who are going to order the roast chicken this evening would expect it to be fresh, roasted in house? Could you raise your hands, please? I think it's everybody. A lot of people say it's it's good. I agree that it should be These guests have come out of their homes to come and eat. What I'm not going to do is attempt to pull the wool over their eyes, cuz they deserve to
know what's going on. The burgers were cooked yesterday, reheated in a pan, boiling them in water, and I'm fobbing you off with acid. So, you need to take a real good look at yourself, and stop bullshitting customers immediately. Otherwise, I'm out of here. I'm so sorry, but you as customers deserve better. And this is nothing to do with the TV program. I promise you now it's based on the bad practices that's going on in that kitchen. So, my apologies, but I'm not going to allow you to eat. You're not going to act responsible for it. I will. We're shutting it down. Come in. I've just done a swab test with the carpet. I told her the smell is gross.
Anything above 30, you're in the danger zone for unhygienic practices and it's not fit for customers. What do you think the reading is? 100? 50? 60? 70? 803. 803? Oh my god. Oops. 803. Oops. Burn it. That's not an oops. That's a oh no. 803. Wow. This is just the carpet. It can't be that bad. We get a lot of bikers, bicyclists, and hikers. You're paying $130 to get out of bed and step on a disgusting, stinking carpet.
It smells like there's crap all over the floor. Probably cuz there's crap on the floor. Probably. Could be. What does that mean, could be? My first shift here, you were in the bathroom and I think you had an accident on the floor, on the mat. I Oh my god. I mean, yeah. There have been times when I had diarrhea, but it doesn't happen very often. That Um no, I didn't realize that there was that problem. Look at that. Is this your office in here? That's my living quarters and my office. Your what? I live there.
You live in here? Yeah. Let me show you. What? I saw the office sign on the door, but you live in here. Right here. This is my bed. I just uh sleep here. Like this. Are you kidding me? Every night you sleep in here? Yes. Is there a mattress there? No, they're just quilts cover on them sheets. You sleep on a board. Mhm. In the winter I could go upstairs, but I choose not to. I choose to stay here. And which bathroom do you use? Is there a shower?
I use the ones upstairs. Mhm. What's the room next door there? Oh, that's the beverage area and then beyond that's the kitchen. The beverage area? Mhm. The keg is right on the kegerator is right on the other side there. And then that's the beverage cooler right there. god. So I sort of sleep in the kitchen. This is crazy. I love it here. There's no place in the world I would rather be. You're not doing one thing right. You have lost it completely and you've convinced yourself in amongst the chaotic mess that you live in that it's all right. It's not. It's absurd.
This is no way for a lady to sleep and live and eat. You shouldn't be living in a kitchen. It's not even a flat or air conditioned room and it's a tiny cubbyhole. Yeah. Cluttered with your junk. Are you okay? I think so. I mean This is not normal. Well, what's normal in What's normal? Seriously. When's the last time you dusted in here? It's a bit dusty up there. What's up there? Something is growing up there. Can you see that or is it me? Can you see that up there? can see it.
Wow. Yeah, it's right there where we missed it. both wearing glasses. I just want to make sure you can see it. Yeah, it's not real easy to see for me. How do you get that down? Well, usually we use the uh have a long pole duster. And where is the pole? It's right in the back here. I'll be right back. Wow. Well, now you've made everything dusty down here. I've made it dusty. No, you haven't cleaned it.
Yeah. Supposing that falls on a customer's head, what would you do? I don't think that it will, actually. You don't think it will? No. No, it's been up there for about 6 months. It seems to be growing, actually. This is disgusting. Yeah. Brett, shame on you. I know it. Wow. And what's in here? More dust over here, Brett. Look. Is there more? You must have missed that spot, too.
There's a big long creepy crawly hanging down there. yes, I see that. We've been closed for the last 3 weeks. When it's so slow this time of the year, we go on a holiday. And when you close, do you normally clean before you close? Or do you come back dirty? Uh come back uh the way it is, and Wow. Look at that up there. We're we're living in a very uh dusty environment here. That's [__] Yeah. Okay. Uh come on. Seriously, this is mountain clean air. Well, that is not That's all true, yes. What is Oh, there you go. Thank you for that.
No problem. I didn't expect to clean as I checked in. And I Oh my god, there you go. They are gross, right? Don't mess it up too much. It's all going to come down. Well, how long are you thinking of keeping it up there? Oh, [__] We might as well do them all while we're at it. as well do them all. It's not funny. I've got to get this thing out of here. Holy [__] Look at that. Jeez. it, Daphne. Well, why didn't you get to that? And how long have you owned this place?
15. 15 years? 15 years. You just When was the last time it was cleaned? It was cleaned. You just got I was You've got a great eye. I can tell you that. I always missed. I've done lots of things on arrival, but I've never quite cleaned [__] like that from a ceiling. Can I give that back to you? Yeah, I'll do that. Okay. Right. Yeah, thank you. And what's going on here? Well, wow. Has a stack stone fireplace, awesome ceiling. I think they're 15 ft. And uh That's an awesome dusty ceiling. See those beams?
I can see Yeah, I see them a little bit. Wow. Man, what is it with dust around here? Well, as I said, we're in a dusty area. Apart from the dust, the rooms are gorgeous. Yes. These are the air conditioning uh units. Where is that? So, you don't have that funky thing down here that cries motel. I thought it was a TV. No, it's uh air conditioning. It's both We program it for both AC or Right. Where do I adjust the temperature?
Uh you don't. They're preset. It's set at 68°. Wow. Why is it set like that? I keep the remote controls because I absolutely know that they will get screwed up if I leave them up here in the room. You don't give samples, you don't let me keep the remotes, and you don't let me bring the temperature up or down. It's not really the get laid room, is it? Uh that's up to you. Wow, but you're you're setting the bar. You're you're telling me what I can and what I can't do. Weird. It's very weird.
How dusty this is, as well. How do I open that up? See, you got all these fancy gadgets. me to open it? Yes, please. Thank you. Wow. When was the last time they were cleaned? That gets cleaned about twice a year. Uh would you mind if I just make it three times this year? Yeah, I think that sounds great, actually. Okay. So, the air conditioning unit you control, they have to breathe in this [__] at night.
Are you bullshitting me? No, I'm not [__] you. Right. Can you uh I will take that. You don't mind I've got no interest in breathing your air dust. Okay, I'm going to unpack, and I'll be down in 5 minutes. All right. Please. Wow. Oh dear. What happened there? Damn. When did that happen? You know, it's been here since I've been here. Oh, really? Hi, I'm Mary, and this is my assistant, Sue. Likewise, good to see you. I get a bit nervous when I check into a hotel and the windows are smashed.
Um anyway, how are you? I'm good, thank you. I'm happy to be here. Are they bullet holes in the Uh you know, they might very be. I'm not sure what they are. We're 250 years old, so. 250 years old? Mhm. Uh what's wrong with the place? I think it's beautiful place, but I think it really just needs some upgrading. And uh which parts could you still help me? Certainly not the entrance with the smashed windows. Well, I think it could be beautiful. It's been neglected for a while.
What happened here? Uh-huh. Oh my. Damn. Your room? Now, what's that up there? Who sits here? It's decorative. Is it a [__] tea party for rats or Stuart Little in for dinner tonight? What the [__] is that? Oh. What is it? Like pet corner? We drop our cats off for dinner here? Who Jesus. Man, who does this? You care to join me? Come on. Go forward and come. Come on. Let's Let's sit at the bar. Let's talk about your cleaning habits.
I don't think I can fit right there. No, no. I'm My butt's way bigger than yours, so take a seat. May we have some menus, please? Oh, sure. Yeah, it's Absolutely. So, what in the [__] is going on? Who are you? I'm Verandeep. Thank you. First name is? Liza. Good to meet you. Good to see you. How are you doing today? Whose is this? The boss man caught it. And where's the other half gone?
Maybe they ate it. I don't know. shoes. Couldn't tell you. It is a little weird. it for? I don't use it for anything, actually. Wow. And what's that up there? That was here when I got here, believe it or not. That's for sale? Apparently so, yeah. So, he went onto the beach, picked up some driftwood, and then dipped it in some varnish. Yep. Oof. $22? Uh-huh. Stop. Same as that one over there. No. Insane, though. Have you sold any of these? No. Never? No.
Seriously. And how much for the t-shirts? Between $12 for employees and $18 for guests. So, staff have to pay for their own t-shirts. Yes. And for the guests, they're $18. Yes. Wow. So, when was the last time you sold a t-shirt? I sell them every day, but mostly to um the employees. Yes. How long you been here? The establishment's been here almost 3 years. I've been here almost 3 years as well. What's wrong with it from your point of view?
Noise levels, you know, especially the one directly above the restaurant that What kind of noise? Cuz it's not the music and the people, the foot traffic, everybody hanging out at the bar and things of that nature. So, that goes on directly underneath? Yes. You scared her. So, room 16. Yes. And where is it, please, darling? I'm going to direct you. Right this way. What's that thing there? We grill our wings on it. You grill your wings on it? Yes. How often do you grill wings in there? Every stinking day. Wow. Jesus. In fact, I think there's a wing left in there. When was that grilled?
Chances are could have been yesterday. Those are the extra crispy ones. And who's responsible for this? The kitchen handles all of this end of it, of course. You found another charbroiled. And these were done yesterday? I believe so. And they cook every day on here? Yes. And are the customers still alive? 34-year-old. I do it all. You do it all. Is that what you are? Seriously 34? Right. You know what? I'm 33. I work so hard, I think I just thought I was 34. You're 33.
Yeah. Hey. Um did you call this building the Caribbean? Yes. Have you ever been to the Caribbean? Yeah. Which part? Uh Bahamas. And this has been modeled on the Bahamas. Correct. Did you smoke when you were in the Bahamas? You know like that. I've tried a couple times, surely. Stop. Yeah. Nuts. What hotel in the Caribbean or the Bahamas were you running before you bought this one? So, I've just visited the Caribbean.
I've never ran a hotel in the Caribbean. So, you just go buy yourself a 25 bedroom hotel on the beach with a bar and All I know how to do is run a fish market when I opened this and I built it from the scratch from the ground up. Except the fish is fresh, obviously from the market. They're so fresh. Right. I better jump in. Can I show you to your table? Uh yes, why not? Yeah. Junk, what happens to that stuff? This is our little gift shop. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, so this is a gift shop. Bits of sort of knick-knacks and Yeah, odd.
No. But, they seem odd. What about these? I haven't sold any of the reading sunglasses. And what's that? That is the CD we have in our rooms. The CD. Well, Celtic Mystique. Mhm. We have music playing in our suites when you arrive. Wow. Um I didn't know people buy CDs anymore. Wow. $16. Is it good? I've listened to it for 10 years. I don't hear it anymore most of the time. What a strange little knick-knack shop. And what's over here?
Um oh, the beer and wine that we sell? Well, well, you can see the dust on top of that. I mean, it's so dusty. Who's in charge of cleaning? I'm slacking on my job. I appreciate the odd speckle of dust on the wine cellar, but not like this. Wow, and look at that. When is that from? 1980 what? You laugh, but it is a little out of date, right? Oh, yeah, definitely out of date and dusty. Dusty? The actual TV was on. You couldn't see it cuz of the dust. Um so, it looks like it was high-end to build, really expensive, but doesn't look like
we've had enough money going back into it to keep it sort of where how where it needs to be. Yeah, how it should be. Right. Deliver. Like bring food out to people. Oh, so you just put the jacket on to carry food. Yeah, so I look fancier. So, you normally wear a t-shirt to cook. Yeah, and pants. Yes. That's very kind of you. Yeah. Yes. Anything you recommend? I mean, try to sell it a little bit to the bride and groom.
Um there's certain things on there I've never made before. So, uh that probably doesn't Stop 2 seconds. Yes. You've got things on your menu that you've never made before. Well, no one's ever ordered them. But, you run a restaurant here. Yes. That's not a buffet. No, you I should definitely know how to make that. I agree. Yeah. I've never cooked a filet mignon before. You've never cooked a filet mignon. No. Who cooks it? We've never sold one.
[__] [snorts] hell. So no one's ever had a wedding and ordered filet? Not since I've been here. Not for me. You've got things on here you've never cooked before. You've never cooked a filet. Correct. So just out of interest, filet mignon comes on. You're going to go to a culinary school? What happens? Maybe Google. How to do it exactly? Google. Yes. I mean I can do that. Google a filet. Yeah. Just to watch a video. Uh yes. Our wedding food is really good.
Well, I can't wait to taste it. Let's have a look at this and yeah, I'll see you later. Sounds good. Wow. Okay, sorry about that. After learning Jimmy gets his recipes from the internet, I'm starting to feel like I made a mistake inviting the bride and groom to have their wedding here. So we have a starter. To give some options for Roxanne and Eric, I told Jimmy to prepare a selection of dishes. Up first, a chicken dish that I couldn't believe was smothered in soggy cheese. Look at that width there. It's like my granddad's foreskin.
Not good. No wonder grandma used to get upset at night. Okay, over medium heat add olive oil and let it get hot. While Jimmy surfed the internet for how to cook a filet mignon, let the filets hit a hot pan. we were served a salmon dish. I mean, wouldn't feed that to my cat. It is bland. It's undercooked. It's not Simply raw in the middle. slimy and raw. And knowing Jimmy had never cooked a filet mignon, trust me, my expectations weren't high. That steak is terrible. It's undercooked. You'd cook better than that at home, wouldn't you? Yeah. Now I know why there's no tastings available. I mean, terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible. I'm embarrassed and I just want to apologize. I was expecting it way better than this.
Yeah. Me and us two wedding. Yes. Be patient. Let me get to the bottom of this. Okay? Okay.
