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most mothers will inevitably experience this moment two little lines on a test a definitive marker in your life you are going to be a parent now the typical reaction that many think new mothers will feel is this yes oh my God but sometimes it could look like this oh my god oh my god well that's what my reaction looked like anxiety inducing despite all conditions pointing to an appropriate time but it still didn't feel like the right time and if I'm honest I don't think there ever would have been the perfect time for me it just kind of happed happened and sometimes Parenthood starts like that so in this video I want to break down the reality of becoming a parent well at least for me let's face it we all have a very strange relationship with change we all
know we need to change but only on our own terms and conditions we're more than happy to change what kind of Beverage we order or change an outfit but when it's an unprecedented change that's completely out of our control now that is when we resist the most so what does change look like when you become a parent for me it felt like I had dropped down to a secret trapo in my mind it made me see change in a profound and alarming way you see it's hard to see tangible change once you reach your 30s when you look in the mirror you're still relatively yourself maybe a few extra fine lines perhaps your hair is new but overall you look pretty much the same that you did last year our children on the other hand are
changing every day every month every year they become our time totems whenever we look at them it's a direct reminder that things are constantly evolving including us and I felt the most drastic change almost immediately after I gave birth the old you is still there but there's a lot of new features that you're discovering and toggling with the physical is obvious your body is unrecognizable your boobs are finally serving their biological purpose and your mind is undergoing a tsunami of hormones it's basically trying to process that there is a tiny little human that you are now responsible for some people pick it up really quickly While others take some time to accept this Monumental change in their life and
no matter how many podcasts you listen to or videos that you watch or books that you consume nothing will prepare you for Parenthood until you are living through it knowledge is receiving the information but wisdom is actually applying into your life and the good news is things really did settle down once my son turned one it was just that first year that was just the most significant of a change but you know some things are really the same like I'm still waking up in the morning just at 7:00 a.m. I'm still eating my meals every day but I'm including a new menu for someone else I still sleep at night but I just have to do my nightly tuck in for my son all this change made me into
a stronger person objectively every time I remind him not to run in the road or why we can't eat ice cream every day it's teaching me patience and I'm becoming a clear speaker because I have to simplify things but I think the biggest change with motherhood is now I only do the things that I truly want to do there is no buffer period if I have a decision and it's not an immediate hell yeah then it's a no I have this Clarity that wasn't there before I hopped on the self-development wagon in my mid 20s I was working on one big long project I wanted to be the best version I could be that meant going to therapy journaling meditating exercising taking supplements but honestly there wasn't much on the line if I didn't want
to stay consistent in the past there was no real repercussions if I decided to go on a week-long vendor across the country but my son has been my biggest anchor in my life like suddenly I cared about like the longevity of my life because I want to see my toddler grow up to be a man so if you want a fast pass to self-development try Parenthood you'll get a crash course in building patience emotional regulation thinking quickly on your feet and the list goes on and on your kids will bring a light all the parts of yourself that you've been avoiding it's like one long Acid Trip simultaneously challenging and Transcendent and you'll come out on the other side finding deep meaning in it and going to therapy was
probably the best thing that I did for myself while I was processing all this change and confronting the blind spots that I didn't see I also want to thank better help for sponsoring this video I've been going therapy since 2017 and the sessions that I had during my pregnancy and all through my postpartum phase were invaluable I also think that putting that pressure on myself to become society's ideal mother loomed over me but once I dropped that and I just focused on developing a deep relationship with my son that's when something just clicked in my brain and better help would be a great fit for you if you too are undergoing a life-altering transition or if you just want to explore the depths of your inner world I think one of my favorite
features about betterhelp is that there's this journaling component where you can jot down your Reflections about the session and starting therapy is seamless with better help you just fill out a questionnaire and you will match with the therapist in as little as a couple of days and if the first therapist isn't the right fit then you can easily switch until you find a therapist that you really connect with I also want to note that I've been keeping an ear out on the brand and about online therapy in general and I found this really interesting resource so a licensed therapist from the channel Cinema therapy has spoken about this topic and I found it incredibly Illuminating so I want to link that down
in the description box so you guys can read it too if you're interested if you are wanting to take the plunge into therapy try betterhelp go to my link betterhelp.com genen for 10% off your first month I'll also make things really simple by putting the link in the description box so click it open by the time you reached the end of your 20s and 30s you would have completed the many firsts that happen in this life your kiss your first job your first heartbreak but eventually all those restaurants and bars I started to go to started to blur in one long sequence at least it did for me like places started to look identical and I think it was because the world was losing some of its mystery and I was becoming desensitized
by my surroundings once I had my son that wasn't the case suddenly everything became new to me because I was experiencing it with him for the first time and there's something so damn magical about doing something new with someone love and to my son everything is new like he's only been on this planet for 3 years so something as simple as a bubble becomes a miracle with my son's fresh set of VI and mind it makes me take a second look and really see things with awe everything and anything is completely new I remember the first time he had ice cream his eyes got so wide and he had grins smeared all over his face like that memory is permanently etched into my mind and it makes me
really excited to just like go to places that I've been to but have him there with me for the first time I love that I'm one of his largest influences in his life for reading the same books that I grew up reading watching the same shows I'm going to take him to so many places suddenly all the places that I've been to and the things that I've Loved get a new lease of life and that's something that I really did not expect to love so much about parenting they really weren't kidding when they say it takes a village now I know a lot of people see self-sufficiency as a badge of honor but I think it's nothing but a freeway to burn out it reminds me of the African proverb if you want to go fast go alone
but if you want to go far go together yes kids need their parents and I feel really lucky that Lennon has both me and his dad to take care of him but to expect that he's going to get everything just out of one or two people just isn't realistic at first when I wasn't around him I had this weird sense of guilt humming through me and it's this strange phenomena called Mom guilt and it comes in all types of flavors it comes when you're not spending enough time with your kids it's when you feel like you're not getting enough work done around the house or in your career it's when you're comparing yourself to other parents it's like basically just feeling like you're not doing enough and during this
transition to Motherhood I have never been closer to both my parents like I see them on a weekly basis and this time together is just so freaking precious like before I had kids I would see them maybe like once a month and like intellectually I understood the hardship and the sacrifice they experienced when they were raising me and my brother but it wasn't until after lennin where I really felt the sheer responsibility and the pressure they felt motherhood has taught me the art of leaning on the people that are closest to me it not only brought me and my family closer but my friends I think the most obvious ones are the ones that have children I think it's because like the first few months
of raising a child it feels like hazing it's like we're part of this members only Club a club of chosen optimism and endurance so when we have our playdates it's not only our children that are socializing and developing but it's also a place for us to restore vent and connect and also get some new ideas too my friendships not only strengthened with my mom friends but also my friends without kids like I've made aunties and uncles of a lot of my friends and for some of them it was their first time really interacting with a child and seeing the sheer joy and magic in their face when they are seeing and connecting with this external part of you it's just so surreal I want to do a huge shout
out to all the nannies and caretakers out there a lot of y'all are hidden in the background I recognize that this is a sensitive topic because of the great privilege it is to have paid help but I need to Spotlight them because Lennon's nanny is our third parent like we consider her part of the family when we were deciding on who would be Lennon's Nanny the question that we asked was would I want this person to be my parent if the answer is yes then it's a match don't be surprised if your professional life takes a backseat and before you freak out It's All Temporary if I could go back in time I wish I could tell myself that I don't need to expect the same level of discipline or like razor
sharp Focus I had once with work especially the first two years of raising my son's life even now I have to remind myself that it's okay if I'm not as productive as I once was I think the first year of postpartum that's when I found myself growing like increasingly frustrated that my work output wasn't the same as before prek kids i' be pulling all nighters all the time working through the weekend but now I have a fixed schedule it can't really be altered and it took me a minute to adjust to this new schedule because I was just like exhausted all the time but trust me it got a lot easier once I accepted this as My New Reality yes I am still learning how to balance it all now but I have hope that things will get
even easier as Lennon grows up and becomes more autonomous and independent I've read somewhere that the first 5 years of your child's life is the most important so choosing motherhood is probably going to result into like a shifting of priorities or delaying certain career goals but a part of me knows that those career goals and projects will always be there or maybe they won't but my child is only a child once and the time that I'm spending with lenon right now is truly Priceless he's only a child once and I know that there is a last time for everything the last time I'll be reading him llama Lama the last time I'll be helping him brush his teeth the last time that he calls out for me at night in my 20s I had put a
lot of meaning in my professional world I wanted to keep my views up I wanted to earn respect from my peers get a specific brand deal and most folks find a lot of meaning in their career achievements it is like the most obvious path to meaning once you graduate school before I had Lennon it's not like I lacked any sense of purpose in my life but finding all my meaning and self-worth through my career just was not hitting the feeling I get from being Lennon's mom transcends any feeling I get from like releasing a video or anything that's work oriented I also want to do a huge disclaimer that you don't need to have kids to feel like you're making an impact in the world or
like have purpose a lot of people find great pleasure from Community work activism working on their own magnet Opus going to church you fill in the blank having children isn't the one road to find meaning but it kind of was for me I have always had a tendency to overthink the future I think it goes like hand inand with my anxiety but after having my son the passive Doom scrolling came to a halt and there was just this burning desire to take action because when I look at my son he represents the future because now there is someone so vulnerable walking around that I care about more than myself I started to look at all the systems currently in place with such circumspect especially in media like screen time is
something that all parents grapple with like the question of how much screen time always pops up and like honestly there's no like Universal answer of like what the appropriate amount of time is but like I kind of want to talk about YouTube kids right now it's a platform used for the total and complete maximum attention extraction for the most vulnerable group our children it's filled with AI generated YouTube videos for toddlers just like something so completely alien no complete storyline colors maxed out in saturation repetition that feels rotten like it was no wonder that when my son was watching it he was just in a complete trance YouTube kids is a free platform but
right now it's just pumped with endless ads and content created by people who just see our children's attention as a fast cash grab it was an easy choice for us to switch to more slower less stimulating cartoons but like all of these are behind a pay wall and so that just made me think like even though we may be protecting our son's mind what about his peers what about his generation I guess what I'm trying to say is now I'm a lot more aware of the existential threats that can affect Lennon and his generation I'm also spending like a lot more time with kids who are once invisible to me like pre kids it's like I didn't see any children in the world like if I was on a plane and I saw a baby I'd be like oh my God I
hope they're not sitting next to me but now that's not the case now whenever I see a baby and a parent on the plane I like not only feel for the parents but also for the baby too like it is very disorienting to be in like a pressurized metal tube in the air when I became a mother I just felt a lot more Tethered to the children and grown-ups all around me it's just like a new sense of compassion and it's really neat to see Humanity come in all different types of age ranges it's the end of the day and I am absolutely shattered and if I'm honest I feel like I've always enjoyed this feeling of complete depletion after A Hard Day's work but now it feels even more Justified to actually rest my head
on the pillow and get a deep sleep because I'm working on probably my biggest gift to humanity a level-headed determined loving capable human being I hope you guys enjoyed this video feel free to share any thoughts about your experience on Parenthood and what that's been like for you anyway I'm going to call it a night so I can do this all over again tomorrow good night
