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This question's crazy. Hi everyone, welcome back. Today I just felt like filming a video, so Q&A it is. Nice low lift. And plus, I have not filmed one of these in 7 months, so I'm definitely due for one. So, the first question is, "Can you share a life-changing quote?" So, this is one I immediately jotted down recently. It's from Gurwinder. "You can rent wisdom, but you have to purchase it with pain." This describes me to a T because whenever I learn something really insightful, I'm usually in like a motivated, inspired mood. So, then I'll just start applying it into my life immediately for a few days, and then I'll like drop off, you know? Because it's easy to forget when life is good. That's what borrowing the wisdom
looks like. You purchase it with pain when you actually are living at the lowest point of your life. If you have the ability to like reach into the archives of your brain being like, "Oh my gosh, I remember that like mindset shift tip or that piece of advice I should have taken." And then you start applying it to your life every day. That is what purchasing the wisdom with pain looks like. It's almost like the pain and the stress are necessary components for it to be embedded into your life. I don't know. I feel like this quote just makes it easy for me to romanticize the impossible parts of my life. "How do you find joy every day? Is it an active thing you make effort for?" I think there are some people who are wired
where when they wake up, they can just be in a sunny mood. Like, Come on, let's seize the day. Let's get this bread. Let's make the connection. I'm not like that. Throughout my 20s and early 30s, when I wake up usually like most mornings, I wake up with like a pit in my stomach. I recently discovered that it's called productivity debt. Like, I wake up like I'm feeling behind. It's because I have this like to-do list, and the only way to relieve that anxiety that I feel is by crossing off the things off my list. And the thing is, I feel like I've used this method
for so long because it is very effective. Like, I wake up and I get a lot of done. But, is this sustainable for my mental health? No. So, this is something that I've been actively trying to do for the past 6 and 7 months, and it has been working. The moment I wake up, I look around and I'm like, "Thank god we're all here." Like, you can thank whoever, God, the universe, the source, Mother Nature, whatever you believe in. I am just genuinely grateful that we are still existing right now.
I can go over the list of all the things that could have gone wrong, but I'm not. I'm just grateful to have another moment to exist. It's so funny because I feel like things have to be really dramatic for me to take it seriously. And so, when I really take it to like the granular level of "Oh my gosh, we're still here and we're still existing." Then, I have like a deeper appreciation of what is happening and the fragility of life. I will start imagining myself in all the different interactions I have to do that day. And I bring awareness of like, "Who do I want to be that day? Like, how do I want to handle this situation?" And this is all very fluid. You know, this is all just happening here in my bed with my eyes
closed. I have cheeky. It takes me around like 2 or 3 minutes. Sometimes, I fall back asleep. I don't always get it right, but it really has been setting the tone of every single day. How to not compare yourself to others or envy others or get jealous of what others have. I think whenever I get jealous of someone, I have to really examine what exactly am I comparing myself to. For example, let's say there is someone who is literally killing it in business. Like, she has this amazing company making millions of dollars, so many side projects, and her socials are active and with like high engagement. I can look at that and be like, "Ooh, this
is really highlighting something that I may be feeling insecure about, that I feel like I might be missing." And then once I've pinpointed that, I can really ask myself like, "Hmm, is this something that I can actively work towards? Is there something that I can actively do to change my circumstance?" If the answer is yes, then I use envy and jealousy as ammunition. Like, I am naturally a very competitive person, so this has always been really great fuel for me to get my ass up and do the things that I want to do and I want to achieve. However, if I am comparing myself to something that I just will never have, uh that's when things are a little bit different. For example, let's say you're comparing yourself to
a friend that has generational wealth. Like, damn, it must be nice to not have to work and to have a safety net. You know, like that's something I'll never have. I'm never just going to have like a rich family to take care of me. I feel like this example's like too random. Let's say you are comparing yourself to someone who has an amazing relationship with their mom. If it's a situation like that, it makes more sense to like remove the label of comparing and replacing it with mourning. Because you're essentially like grieving the mother that you've never had, and that's what is making you feel insecure and sad. So, if you find yourself comparing yourself, being very envious of a
circumstance that you cannot change in your life, just replace it with grieving or mourning. Because then it's like it acknowledges like that hurt that you feel for having lost something, and then you could eventually get to a place where you radically accept your situation, and life becomes a little easier. Do you feel like you're in a complete different era to your friends? Honestly, sometimes. Because I have a mixed bag of friends, and we're all doing different things. The glue that holds me and my friends together is that like we are ride or dies. Like, they we will drop time to hang out with one
another and I feel deeply heard and listened and cherished and you know, it's all of that all of all the good stuff. If anything, I feel like the different eras, instead of me comparing, like I almost see it like I'm tuning into different seasons of TV shows. Like, some people are in their like Sex and the City phase. Some people are in their like wife like, you know, stay-at-home mom phase. Like, and I just find it all so like wildly fascinating. I feel like if anything, I like having friends in different eras because it shows like the dark and the positive sides of everything.
Like, the grass is never like always super green on either side. So, if anything, I feel like having friends from different eras, it reminds me that not everything that glitters is gold. Cuz everyone has their own specific problems, their own struggles, their own wins. Everyone's just kind of like on their own journey. How do you get back to yourself after becoming a mom? I'm 5 months pregnant and I fear change. Girl, I don't know [snorts] how to package this to you without scaring you, but buckle up your seatbelt because life is going to change.
Yeah, this is coming from the girl who did not want change. You have to let go or you will be dragged. I think that is the biggest lesson that parenthood continues to teach me over and over again. It's going to be one of those definitive milestones in your life where you're like, there was like before this moment and there was life after this moment. And those first 3 months are just going to be about survival. You're getting to know this new soulmate in your life. You're getting to know your new body and the functions that it does. It's going to be insane. It's I'm laughing about this because it was really the most like traumatic, but also the most like
transformative times in my life. Bringing it back to the quote that I first pulled up. Like the like you are purchasing your wisdom with pain the first year of parenthood, straight up. But, you are gaining so much more wisdom because this is when you're in the arena, when you're actually accessing all the things that you've learned and trying to see what works, what doesn't. It is so humbling. Probably didn't get like my full rhythm until maybe my son was two. That's when I really started to feel like, "Okay, like I have more of my time back. I'm starting to remember like old parts of my identity again."
Now, my son is almost five. Like, I cannot believe I did this for almost five years. Girl, why am I crying in every YouTube video? It's because I'm filming on my period. Okay, anyway. Now that my son is almost five, I can confidently say that this is my favorite version of myself. Like, I have never known myself better until now. And did I need a kid for me to get to this level? I don't know. Who knows? But, either way, this is the path that I've chosen and I accept it and I love it. Like, I want to become a better person so that I can minimize the trauma that I put on my son. And I'm also accepting the fact
that even if I try my best, I'm I still will traumatize my son in a way that I didn't expect. And I'll be ready to put my hands up being like, "Bro, I am sorry. I tried my best." And accepting that is also important because if you are just going to punish yourself into being the perfect mother, you're going to kind of it up even more. Either way, this has also allowed me to forgive my parents and their shortcomings. Because now that I'm in it, I'm like, "This is so hard. This is hard." Do you regret getting married early in your 20s? For the most part, I try to live with my life with no regrets because if I did not get married when I did, I probably wouldn't have had my son.
Like, okay, but if I could change things, yeah, I think I got a I got married a little bit too early. I did. But, I feel like I'm really happy of when I decided to have a child. I was very happy that I had a child when I was 30, 31. That I think that was like the perfect time. I feel like I'm happy that I had a child earlier in my life because now I don't have to like give birth again. Or if I do give birth again, I'm not going to be as scared I'll be like, "Okay, I've done this before. This isn't my first rodeo." So, like, I don't regret getting married. I don't because that's how I felt at the time. Like, that was my truth and I that's something that I wanted to do. So, I don't have regrets. "Are you open
This question is crazy. Are you open to marrying again?" You know what's crazy? Yes. Yeah, I am. I would like to get married again. I would. But, I'm in no rush, too. Like, I if I'd be down for like a wedding in my 40s or something. Like, that's the kind of vibe I'm going to go for. But, we'll see. Either way, I think I'm going to go about it very differently. For one, there's definitely not going to be a YouTube video about my wedding. I'm not going to be filming. If I'm going to be filming, it's going to be just for my own memories and my records. And I think it'd be a situation where you guys are going to find out that I'm married by me just saying, "So, I've been married for 3 years." It's
going to be that kind of reveal. Oh my gosh, the battery is blinking. I hope you guys enjoyed this short and sweet video. I'll see you guys in the next one. It'll be probably in a week. All right. Bye.
