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Hey there friends. How's it going? The name is Vin. Kevin. And today we're playing the new Bond game. Everything is fine. As you can see, I got a good feeling about our first mission. Helicopter exploded. Now I'm in the ocean. And I'm just thinking, what if I just stay here? He looks kind of peaceful. Several minutes later, and I can confirm that Bond is either a merman or severely brain damaged. So, let's get up to land. Spa time is over. It's time to save those scientists. Don't worry, even though we sent two teams and only I survived, I passed my class top marks 007 out of 100. And I even got a smiley face sticker, so I'm ready for anything.
Oh, a gentle wave. Oh, it's all slippy. Bond to base. I want to go home. I'm all soggy. What's your name, soldier? James Bond. Bonj. Um, I wanted to do the line. The secret dome of what exactly? Alien technology. Yes. How long were you in the water for? Uh longer than I'd like to admit. And yeah, that does explain a lot. But in my defense, I thought I was a merman. Oh, oopsie. Probably not the best idea to be climbing around like that. He can hardly walk. But I'm back in my natural
habitat, the water. I'm getting into the base. I've found some clothes to accessorize. The hell happened to that guy? I don't want to make assumptions, but I'm pretty sure it was old age. The hell? That wasn't even me. Hey. Hello. Back this up for me. Uh, let's see here. Yeah, it's my first day, so let me just take care of this. Oh, it's running Windows Vista. This might take a while, boys. I'll not discuss any specifics. Okay, specifics seem kind of important in this situation. Well, you got it, boss. I'll just walk around whatever the hell this thing is. And I trust you.
Distortioning. No. I trust you, boss. I'm going to get closer to this thing. My vision's going all wavy. Just keep looking. And my hearing has gone all wavy. And my walking has gone all wavy. But I trust you, boss. I trust you. Hey, why are they wearing hazmat suits? Boss, you need an antidote. You've been exposed to agent. Oh, god damn it, boss. Why would you do this to me? What exactly am I looking for? A green box with a bright orange. Oh. Oh, Jesus. Hold on. Let me just pull these. Oh. Oh, sorry, mister.
You need that. Oh, god. Oopsie. Oh, good thing I was careful with the one thing that was important. What are the odds? There's two of them. The orange one. Do not use the other The uh boss, everything's green. You know what? Here goes nothing. Why not both? One of your crew is still alive. Hostiles have him. I don't fancy his chances. I'll follow. See what I can do. You're in no state. No, no, I'm boss. Don't worry. I got this. I injected both of those things.
I'm double healthy. They just shot him. No witnesses. I shouldn't be saying they shot him. I didn't actually see. He may have died of old age just like the last one. We're judging all these guys as bad guys, and I just I don't like that. You have less than 1% chance of success. Now, stand down. I'll take those odds. Now, that's what a main character would say. Oh, okay. Maybe she was right. I don't know what way I'm supposed to be going, so I decided to go up. What the hell? Oh, I just hit jump. I didn't even know where he was going to go. I think I accidentally found a really good route here.
Wow, what an unnecessarily dangerous takedown. Oh, hi everyone. Oh, thank God. That's me. Thank god. James God. What's the plan? Plan? Oh, no. There's no plan. I'm just winging it. Oh, I know how to use computer. Watch this, guys. Hell yeah. What are you doing? I'm not doing anything. Yeah, those self-driving tanks. They still got to work out the kinks a little bit. Good thing he had a bit of a preamble before attacking me there. Otherwise, I might have been in trouble. Guy thought he was the main Bond villain where he explains his plan beforehand. And what was the point?
Thanks for the gasps, guys. He really gave me away. I'm being shot at still. Ow. Good girl. Wait, who? What? Me? Thank you. All right. Don't gasp this time, guys. No, no, no, no. Don't gasp. That idiot was in charge of the detonator. No, I wasn't. Oh, wait. You mean that guy detonator? Yeah, I can be trusted with this. I should start things up. I feel like this just made everything worse. But that's very on brand with what I've been doing so far. And it's good to be consistent, even if it is consistently stupid. Watch out.
Whoa, where was that guy going? That guy was cool. Wait, where did he go? He just pulled in. He's like, "Well, I've served my purpose." And just stopped. Take cover. Uh-oh. All right. He somehow missed everyone. What is my plan here? Okay, give me a second. Hold on. I'm the main character. All right. What's What's the plan? How does that Yeah, that Okay, don't worry, guys. I have a feeling we're all going to be fine. You know why? I can hear Bond music in my ear. It would be kind of funny if they all just died while that music continues being epic in the background. Whoa, we made it to a dangerous cliffside. Oh, the detonator.
What is this now? You want to blow us up? I really, really do. MI6 would never. I'm not MI6. Yeah, I'm an idiot. Hell yeah, I saved the day or killed everyone. Not sure yet. Um, but again, I don't feel like I'd get my very own Bond song if I killed everyone, including myself. Do you have an appointment? The name's Bond. James Bond. Hey, you stole my line. Today's not about me. It's about you and the incident last month. Oh man, they know that I peed my pants when I was out there. Where are you going? I'm just exploring. Oh man, I've ruined my first impression. I'm going to go back out and try this again. The name's Man. And I certainly don't piss myself.
Pleased to meet you. I'm James. And you are infuriatingly secretive. Unusual name. I like it. That was rather unpleasant, sir. Sorry. My first day. Ever since I injected both of those injections, I keep bumping into people. Should I be worried? Miss Ponson B. James Bond here to CM. What you doing? Top secret stuff, huh? Making a little music playlist or something. Why don't you sit down? Because I'm trying to be social, but whatever. Why am I here? Just to suffer.
You're very talkative, aren't you? Nobody likes me here. I don't know if I want to work here. I do enjoy a quiet office. M will see you now. Finally, someone who wants to see me. Hello. Would you like to be friends? So, Iceland. No, the name's James. Initially willing to assist, but then you hang up on us. She's mad at me for hanging up on them. What about your social etiquette? Everyone's been mean to me since I got here. I would like you to join his majesty's secret service.
No, thank you. You're all very mean. You're dismissed. Like for now or I got fired from the job I just got. Miss Ponson me. Curious to know what happened in there. Not in the slightest. Oh. Anyway, I'm sending you to the MI6 training facility in Malta where you'll be joining the other recruits. Nice free holiday. This job ain't so bad. Other than having to be a social pariah, of course. Better than you. AND SHE'S ON A Hey now, apologies. I'm just pushing around these guys trying to prove that I'm the biggest and toughest person
here. They'll probably respect that. Excuse me. Meet our new star air crewman, Bond. So capable he could skip basic training. Thank you. Finally, someone is nice to me. He'll now demonstrate his superior close combat skills. Yes. Thank you. Oh, that seemed a bit mean. Wait, no. Hold on. I'm not ready. I'm I've just got here. Stop it. He's scary. Mr. No, stop it. How do I get out? Oh, even your fences are spiky.
Perhaps some basic training might still be needed. No, I don't think so. I think I had him right where I wanted him until you interrupted. I was tiring out his fists on the back of my head. Cresa Monroe is top of the class. I task you with bringing him up to speed. But sir, he gets two weeks to pass basics. If he fails, I take two credits from both of you. Yeah, that seems fair. So, yesterday was fun. The smirk. I think you really damaged me by punching me in the back of the head like that. Go on then. Get in. Do a lap around the island. Get a feel for her.
Okay, but I will warn you, I'm not the most coordinated of people. Let's do this. All right, just getting used to it. I don't usually drive a manual. In fact, I usually don't drive Oh, hold on. Come on. You're going the wrong way. I know. I'm going the right way. I'm just doing it backwards. If anything, this is more impressive. I don't know if I should be going down the stairs. Use the handbrake for sharp turns. I think I'm going slow enough, but okay.
Yeah, I was going slow enough. This lady doesn't know what she's talking about. Not too shabby. Next time, let's see you go fast, please. It's not my fault you have a bad car. Go get the flag as fast as you can. Oh, get the flag. Hold on. Everything's moving so fast. Well, everything except me. Hit three targets. You belong here. Three targets. All right. Wait. It's not letting me aim at you. Let me shoot at that boat.
I hit the brick. But everything's a target. Really? Just a few more bullets. Not bad. What do you think he was writing? Just very good in all caps. No. No. He looks really angry and I don't know why. I don't know what I did to him. No, he's trying to hug me. Nice thinking. What part? Oh, that's a nice Thank you. I feel like she's just being nice now for some reason, but I'll take it. See, I missed you on purpose. I'm getting better.
Out of ammo. Get wrecked. As you might be able to hear, I call this the hit all the buttons at once strategy. If you're serious about earning your place, let's go. Monroe. Okay, no more kickoff. Hey, you're slippery. You're covered in grease. Cheater. What the hell is happening now? This is getting really awkward. Is this still part of the training? I feel like he's Yeah, he's just trying to kill me. Sorry everyone. It's training. It's just something we got to get through.
Just throwing him around the place now. Oh, sorry everyone. All right, let's go out the window and see what happens, shall we? Oh, that was close. You almost got hit by that live plastic board. All right, they're all tuckered out now. Boys will be boys. And it's it's just funny. Yeah, it is kind of just funny. I for one won't be sorry when you're gone. Why are you pointing at me, sir? This is on me. Oh, thank you. Yeah, it is on him.
Don't take the blame for him, Monroe. What? What do you mean? No, it was him. If that was out of line, I apologize. If that was out of line, he says the base is completely destroyed. You passed basic training. Congratulations. Come on, I'll take you to QAB. Drunks, huh? or beneath it. The latest. I need to get going. What are you working on? Oh, it's this robotic arm. What is that? That is an impetus key. Need to get going. I'm interacting with everyone. I'm casting a wide net trying to make a friend, but then I just walk away instantly after saying something.
Pick one. I don't really have a watch. What the hell? What if that was like my late grandfather's watch or something and the dude just bend it? Use the watch to turn off the two lamps on the table in front of you. Yeah. If you're ready to leave, I'll brief you on advanced training. Advanced training? How much training do I need before I get my license to kill? I really need it. I hit like three people with my car on the way over here. Hey, Bond, you got to check this place out. Should we have a fist fight and make [__] of the place?
It's great. Yeah, you're done watching TV. Finally, our first mission to prove ourselves. Oh, no. No, never mind. There's more training. Always do the unexpected. It's the first rule of spycraft. Ah, that's why they like me. I always do the unexpected. This is it, Bond. Get that flag. Okay, I assume I have to go stealth. Uh-oh. Are we allowed to go lethal as well? This is a guy just doing his job, but whatever. It happens, you know. Workplace injury. He'll probably get a payout. He'll be thanking me in a while. An enemy has shown intent
to kill. License to kill is granted. That's right. Yeah, I'm going to kill all of my colleagues. Oh god, that's a lot of people. Oh god. I don't feel like I'm learning anything. If anything, I'm unlearning. Vanishing act. Too easy. Vanishing act. Yeah, it's like they didn't even see me. I think I gave at least four colleagues a disability. Pick up the gun and hit the target. I couldn't hit the targets that weren't moving. What makes you think I can hit this?
Ground yourself. That didn't do anything. Ah, I see. Yeah, much better. Skill or pure dumb luck? Why can't it be both? Look at the three of them getting on so well. It's really sweet. I wonder which one of them will be a baddie. Other than me, of course. Early day tomorrow. Catch the flag at daybreak. This guy's obsessed with collecting flags. I'm kind of done with collecting We go get the flag now. Have a well-deserved rest tomorrow. Oh, wait. I take it back. We actually want more flags. Bond. Over here. What? Flag storage.
What the hell? They're our colleagues. Like earlier, I know I was kind of half killing them, but they were on the clock. Oh, hey, listen. Greenway's birthday's coming up and we're throwing him a little thing. Just spreading the word. Mind if I pass? Okay, go ahead. Oh, you don't need to always pick violence. You can just bluff your way out of it. And then afterwards, pick violence. Oh, now this is going to cause a permanent brain injury. Oh my god, that guy probably had a family. Oh, this could be interesting. Nice. He's just proper dead. Right behind you.
Oops. I didn't mean to do that. I was trying to throw it to distract. Just throw him. Yeah. What are you fighting for? No. I'm not fighting. We're just playing. I call this one. I killed three people by throwing him over a balcony. Used to play it all the time as a kid. Got the flag and all it cost were 10 innocent lives. Follow me. I've got a plan. Nice one, dude. Come on, take him down. He is not willing to kill like I am. New plan. Meet me at the backside docks. Oh, handy. Yeah, I just found a way down there. Hey, dude. Can you swim? I hope not.
Here we go. I left Monroe and I left no witnesses. What? What are we running away for? Like, don't they all know us? Probably on firstname basis. First rule of spycraft. Always do the unexpected. And what about it? We followed it, sir. Hell yeah. He's like, "So, it was you that killed all my friends." Not bad. Grab your coat. We're going out. My first mission. Wa! Here we go. Wait, I don't know if this is copyright music. Hell yeah, that's more like it.
Everyone's having a copyright free fun-filled night. In reality, though, it's just awkward. We have the music. I just hear loads of feet shuffling. Yeah, I don't like this at all. Feels like a fever dream. It's very uncomfortable. Find contact in red by bar. Well, I'm going to start by wandering backstage for no particular reason. I just like exploring. I'm supposed to be going to the bar and I'm climbing on top of the stage. This is the extent I'm willing to go to avoid social awkwardness. I don't have to interact with anyone up here. Oh, great.
Yeah, this area is even more uncomfortable. Awesome. Uh, excuse me. Are you the bad guys? No. Okay. No, they're not the bad guys. They're having a good time. Ah, maybe it's this bar. Sorry, everyone. I'm so clumsy. Yeah, you are. There we go. And then he'll be smooth out in the cut scene. The epilium oxyalamoney blossoms at night. Could they pick something a little bit more subtle? Well, that's an interesting pickup line. Sorry, thought you were someone else.
What the hell do you think you're doing? Oh my god, he's giving lizard man energy. I really pissed off the lizard man. That weird line came across as flirty for some reason. The epiphylum oxyetylum only blossoms at night. Oh my god, what a flirt. He's using it again. And only for a single night. No, I'm looking for a long-term committed relationship. There's a package for you in the gents. Watch it in private. Oh, he just gave me clues. Why is socializing so confusing? This ain't the men's toilet.
I'm just wandering around. Why is every other agent just on their phone and tablet? He won't even make eye contact. The guy's an iPad baby and I have to do everything. Excuse me. Could someone point me to the bathroom, please? Hello. Don't pretend you can't hear me. There's no music. Aha, finally. Oh, my fault entirely. Yes, it was. I'm next. Would you mind stopping that? Okay, maybe I did get too close. You have a point. But you're literally inside of someone. Found you. MI6 has identified a leak from the trade ministry. We've narrowed our suspects to three secretaries. Rick Bolthorp, Alice
Weatherall, and Joshua Pike. All at the club this very evening. All right, I just got to find a guy and get close enough to take over his phone. Told you I wasn't finished with you. Is that him? No, that's not him, is it? No one chats up my girlfriend. It seems excessive. I feel like, yeah, you can defend yourself, but if you have that level of expertise, maybe just take it easy a bit. Don't forget to flush. Like, he's definitely dead. And at the end of it, Bond had the audacity to just say, "Don't forget to flush." Oh, well, I've got a license to kill. I can do what I want.
You're all done. Yeah. Thanks anyway. What? No. I just came to watch. What the hell are you talking about? This is a bathroom. Balcony's Nash. I overlooking the dance floor. And how do you suggest I get up there? I don't know what. I've already been up there. Weirdly, I found my way into the rafters before I found the bathroom. I'm just a little rat boy. I don't know what to tell you.
Bond, use your Q lens to locate Pike's phone. Oh, yeah. I've just been wandering around looking for a guy that I kind of forgot the appearance of. Okay, I think I might be a bit too close and being a bit suspicious. I'm glaring at him as well. Oh no, he's not going to let me in. Bad news. Pike just entered the exclusive booth. Better find a way in there then. Why can't I just make this guy sick, too? Maybe I can. I might just have to collect some stuff like this. What am I doing this? Is this a disguise? I guess
it is. Hey, dude. I'm the guy from 10 seconds ago, but now I got this tray. Thanks. Great. Our drinks. You're welcome. Yeah, I'm pretty good. And that one. Pineapple. Only acceptable pineapple ever is on my pizza. Oh man, I hate dealing with the public. It would be a lot easier dealing with the public if you also got a license to kill for that. Hello, we're hacking you, but no, I'm from work. The socializing is not going well. I don't do a lot of socializing. I just fight and then do little casual quips. What a night. I think we Listen, I just found something. Pike's meeting is contact tonight at the club. Of course, it's my guy that's the bad guy. We need to get rid of Pike so he
doesn't show up at his meeting. Whoa. Floating drink. Mysterious. Oh god, I've been spotted. They don't care about the floating drink at all. This will do nicely. What do you mean? Oh. Oh, is a trap. Okay. I thought he just liked the bathroom. Make Pike follow. I mean, I could just wait it out. He has to pee eventually. I could bring him free drinks. Hey, dude. I'm the guy from 20 seconds ago, but now I don't have a tray. Okay, cool. It's a permanent disguise. Oh, there you are, you little rascal. Joshua Pike, change of plans. Come with me.
Hey, that was easy. Sabotaged the door. Okay, bottle service. What? Oh, slow down. That was easy. Honestly, pretty good trap. The guy was just bamboozled. He didn't know what to do. I've got eyes on our Wait, how are you talking on the radio? You're standing here. She's behind the courtroom. No rest for the wicked. And then Bon just shouts in his face. Oh, good. You showed. And I was just about to leave. You're late. Give her hell. Okay, we need her to call her handler. Do I want to scare or hype her? I'm going to scare her. I'd reconsider.
Jeez, I'm not turning anything down. I'm just not in a position to accept anything either. Why don't you call someone who is Who's this? Wait. Oh, no. That's the woman from earlier. I guess I got to talk to her otherwise it's awkward. Oh, Christ. Could we not do this? You prefer her to me. I'm leaving. The contact is leaving. I'm going to talk to the woman in red anyway. She seems rude.
Listen, you and me. Not a good idea. Damn right it's not. Don't believe a word he says. What? All smooth, but such a liar. What the hell? What was it with that line he used? We all got to write that down. Oh, wait. Yeah, the deal. Convince her. If you go, the offer is up. It's now or never. Your call. This has been the weirdest social interaction of the night. And that's saying something, right? She needs to make a call about the deal. I'm just going to stand over you if you don't mind. In fact, even if you do.
He claims to have some extra information for sale. Something worth your while. What took you so long? Things got complicated. Talking about her right to her face. No. Oh man, just when I thought I got away with it. Oh, the lizard dude again. And I thought you were dead. Yeah, I got backup. This whole nightclub is coming down. You may as well give up, guys. I'm pushing all the buttons at once. And by God, it's working.
Wait, who is that? That guy wasn't even in the fight. But good job. I'm suspending training. What? But we're doing so good. The situation's arisen. Oh, it's out of our control. I see. Bond. A word. Greenway wasn't happy with your performance last night, and he's reluctant to bring you along. Just a heads up. What? After all the people I've killed, all the lives I've destroyed, the orphans I've made, and my work still goes unappreciated. You know what? I quit. I'm done. It doesn't matter what villain you're after. You guys are much worse. You're unreasonable.
Good day, everyone.
