SNL Weekend Update Season 51 Top 5 Most Watched Segments

-Apple is releasing eight new emojis this spring, as I mentioned. Here to comment are, according to the latest data, the number-one most used and number-one least used emojis: Red Heart and Aerial Tramway. -Hey! What's up, New York?! -Hey! Yo! -Red Heart in the house! -Yeah! -Y'all know me. -Aerial Tramway! -Yeah. Wow. Thanks for both being here. Um, so what do you think about the new emojis? -Dude, all I know is they're all gonna be more popular than this loser, you know?

I'm number one 'cause I'm useful. People use me for everything. "I miss you." "Heart." "Here's a pic of my dog." "Heart." "Here's a pic of my bare ass." "Heart, heart, heart, heart, heart." Aerial Tramway is only used when talking about that specific cable-based transportation. -Cap! -No, it's not cap. -Cap! -No, it's not. -Cap! -When would someone use you? -Okay. "Hey. I'm gonna take the aerial tramway."

"Hey. I'm on the aerial tramway." -Okay. What other uses that aren't about physically riding it? -"Yo, man, girl got me actin' like an aerial tramway." -That makes no sense! -It makes all the sense! -It makes no sense. -All the sense. -It makes no sense! Colin, you should see this guy's crew. They're such dorks. -No. -Wait. Hold on. I didn't realize that emojis have friends. -Yes, man, and my crew is fire. -Nah.

-I roll with, like, Crying Tears Face. He's cool as hell. -Boo! -Thumbs Up. That's my O.G., original gangster. -Boo! -The eyes like this. -That's my dawg. Okay? And "100" with two lines under it. That's my day one. -Nah. My crew? All bangers! I'm rolling with my boy. Orange Square! -Orange Square sucks. -Nah, dude. -Yes, it sucks! -Of course, we got Division Sign! -He's dog water! He sucks!

-Snorkel! Snorkel Equipment! And my boy, the GOAT, building with a horn on it! -What even is that? What is-- What even is that? Is that like a horn store. -Or a horn school! -That's just as bad. It makes no sense. -You don't make no sense! -Most of-- Most of-- -Aerial Tramway! -Most-- Dude, it sucks, dude. Most of his-- Most of his-- Most of his crew is RBF.

-I'm sorry. What's RBF? -It's Right Before the Flags. You know-- You know how the flags are at the end, right? This dude and all his loser friends. -What?! Aerial Tramway! -They're right before-- They're right before the flags, dude. Him and all his friends. And you know how the. Because he's back there with all the flags, that's why he can't get a fine-ass girl like I can. -Nah. -Oh. Wow. Red Heart, you got a girlfriend? -Yeah, dude, it's kind of new. I don't want to jinx it. But I've kind of been chilling with the lady dancer in the red dress with her arms like this.

-Fugly! My girl? Yo, shout-out to my girl. The word "ON" with two arrows above it! -That is so sad! Under what circumstances would anyone ever use that emoji?! -Let me think. If something. to both the left and the right. is on! -Alright. I can't even be here anymore. I can't be with this guy. Thanks for having me. I gotta go home. -You're leaving? Wait. How are you getting home? -Um. -Say it! -Um. -Say! It! -I'm taking the aerial tramway.

-Hell yeah! -While many are excited for the Oscars tomorrow, some people think liberal politics are influencing the awards too much. Here with his take is conservative commentator Tucker Carlson. [Cheers and applause] -Thank you, Colin. Let's all go to the movies. Huh! Really? Yes. Why don't we grab some popcorn and watch American culture collapse? What are we doing? What's going on? -Al-- Alright. Comin' in hot.

Well, how do you feel about this year's nominees? -Where to even begin? Oh! I know! Why don't we talk about "Sinners"? That's right. "Sinners." Because, of course, leftist woke America's favorite movie this year is about sinning. Huh! Really? Why does that not surprise me? No. Sorry, kids. We don't go to church anymore. We go to "Sinners." That's the rule. That's the goal now. What are we doing? What's going on? -O-- Okay. Alright. So you didn't-- you didn't like "Sinners." You didn't like "Sinners." What about "Hamnet"?

-Oh! "Hamnet." Because we're not allowed to say "Hamlet" anymore. -No. -Yes. -No. -They took the L and gave it to the GBTQ. So it's "Hamnet" now. What are we doing? What's going on? "Hamnet." A movie about a boy who shows interest in theater dies. [Laughs] I actually really liked that part. -That's the part you liked? -Excuse me! Hey! Excuse me! -No one is interrupting you! -Excuse me! -Just-- -Moving on to "Bugonia."

Huh! Really? I guess heterosexual women aren't allowed to have hair anymore. They have to shave their heads instead of their armpits. And I'm supposed to be attracted to that? -[Laughs] No. -Oh! Oh, boys! Don't look at my breasts! Look at my scalp. That's the rule. That's the goal now. What are we doing? -You keep talking about a goal. What goal? -Colin, what ever happened to the great American films like "Gone with the Wind" or the first 20 minutes of "Forrest Gump"?

-The first 20 min-- You mean the part where they're bullying him? -I love that part. [Cackling hysterically] -Man, dude, I gotta-- I gotta tell you. That laugh is just awful. -That's not my laugh. That's the soul of an 18th-century mental patient trying to escape from this locket. -Why do you have that?! -And, finally, "One Battle After Another." What is this? What's going on? I'm genuinely asking. I did not see that movie.

-Tucker Carlson, everyone. -What's going on? -What's going on? -[Cheers and applause] Hey! Excuse me! -Yesterday, a report showed inflation spiked to its highest point in four years due to the war in Iran. Here to comment are two kids from the back of the school bus. -What's up, Mr. Jost? -Mr. Jost! -Whoo! -Hey! Guys? Calm down. Okay? You're here to talk about inflation, okay? -Right, right. But first, can I just use your phone real quick, Mr. Jost? I'm sorry. Mine got "confiscated."

-Well, why did your phone get confiscated? -I don't know. I didn't do nothing. I didn't even do nothing. -He didn't do nothing. -I didn't even do nothing. I don't know why they would take it if I didn't even do nothing! -I don't know. I find that hard to believe. -Okay, fine. I posted a video of me swiping a debit card between the bus driver's neck folds. -It was funny. Back of neck like a pack of hot dogs.

-It was like "rimp." You know what I mean? -Rimp! Rimp, rimp! -You know what? -Declined! Rimp-rimp! -This is serious, okay? I want you guys -- You got to focus up, okay? Focus up. -Okay. Seriously? Okay. Inflation was up 3.3%. Prices are out of control. Everyone has been affected. Even my boy Grabon can't afford these groceries. -Nah, for real. I feel bad for Grabon. Life is tough. -Oh, my God, who's Grabon?

-Oh, Grabon is a friend of ours. It's Grabon Deez Nuts! -Got him! -Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop! -Got ya! -Yeah, I really don't appreciate being shot in the face a bunch of times. Also, you're supposed to come out here and talk about the inflation report. You've had this assignment for weeks. -Nah. Chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. Chill, chill, chill, chill right now. Chill. Let me lock in. -Lock in. Let him cook. -Okay. Inflation report. Right? Let me ask you a "basing" question of economics.

-Basing? -You got it, you got it, you got it. -I got it, -Lock in, man. Lock in. -All right. -You got it. -Let me ask you a basic question of economics, okay? -Okay, great. Yeah. -Would you rather eat 100 glizzies or pass away from big-booty disease? -Good question. I guess I would obviously choose the glizzies. -Oh! -Oh, hell, no! -Oh, hell, no! -Mr. Jost a glizzy goblin! -You nasty, bro. -Sick boy. -All right, you guys, you're too rowdy, okay?

You guys need to calm down. -Okay, fine. Jokes aside, I don't think this inflation will predicate a noticeable shift in the Federal Reserve. -Yeah, but it does put the Fed between a rock and a hard place because they have to promote low inflation while still encouraging economic growth. -The hell? Is that. Are you guys, like, secretly smart? -Yes, dude. We get tutoring from Amanda Cahold. She's a genius. You know Amanda Cahold.

-Who is Amanda Cahold? -Amanda Cahold deez nuts. -Got him! -Bitch! -Bitch! -That is-- You know what? I'm calling your mom. -No, no, no! -We didn't do nothing! -We didn't do anything. -We didn't even do nothing! -I didn't even do nothing. -He ain't even do nothing. -Why would you call my mom if I didn't even do nothing? -Please don't call her. She's gonna hit me. Please, please, please, please.

-She's gonna hit him. Okay. We're sorry, Mr. Jost. Okay? We didn't mean it. -Have you even considered how our home lives affect our behavior? -Yeah. Did you ever stop to think why we are the way that we are? -Wow. You know, I guess I haven't. I apologize. I guess I can be insensitive sometimes, because when I was younger, I was diagnosed with ligma. -Ligma? -Ligma? -Yeah, it's ligma fat nuts! Oh! Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo! Bo-bo-bo! -My God. -We're children. -Bo! Two kids in the back of the school bus, everyone.

-You're an animal! -Yeah! -Come at the king, you best no miss! -No, no! -Why do you have fat nuts, man? A new study. -Ask God. -Well, the Internet has fallen in love with a baby monkey named Punch. [Cheers and applause].who was being -- he's being bullied by other monkeys after his mom abandoned him. Here with her side of the story is Punch's mom. -Oh! Oh, y'all don't know me! You all don't know me! You don't know me. But you, fella, you could get to know me.

Hey, you like my body color? -Uh, I think -- I think I'm good. But everyone -- everyone is wondering, you know, why did you abandon Punch? -Oh, I had a really good reason. -Okay. What is it? -I didn't want him. [Booing] Oh, shut up! Shut the hell up! You shut up! Shut the hell up! Why is everyone so mad at Punch's mom? What about Punch's dad? -Well, who is Punch's dad? -Well, how am I supposed to know?

I'm like a public "libary" -- anyone could come inside. Oh, shut up! I've been with all the A-list monkeys. I been with King Kong. Something you might not expect about him. His penis is actually huge. I also slept with George. For someone so curious, he sure had no interest in finding my bean. Oh, and let's just say, I was Harambe's last meal. -Oh, God! Boo! [Booing] -Shut up! Shut the hell up! Kiss my ass! Kiss my monkey ass!

Kiss my ass, Colin. You like my body, Colin? -All right. You know what? You know what, Punch's mom? We actually have a little surprise for you. Let's bring him out. It's Punch! [Cheers and applause] Surprise! -Hi, everybody. -Aw, hell no. -Aw, come on. How could you not love a face like that? -Wh-wh-- Wh-wh-wh-- Why won't you "wuv" me? -Aww. You're breaking my heart. How about you get your mama a hug? Aww. -Aww.

Aww, man, look at that. Oh, it's a reunion. That's so sweet. -Colin, now I want another baby, Colin. Come on, Colin. You know we share 98% of the same DNA. And all I'm asking for is a little bit more of yours. -[Laughing] Oh, God. -A woman went viral on TikTok recently for her confusing New Year's resolution involving buttons. Here to comment is that woman, Tamara. [Cheers and applause] How you doing, Tamara? -Hi. It's actually pronounced "Tamra." -That's exactly how I pronounced it.

Alright, well, anyway, tell us about this New Year's resolution. -Yeah, so, this year, I'm getting 365 buttons, one for each day, because I want to do more fun stuff, and I'm getting scared of time passing. and so I want to be more conscious of it. -Oh, that's a nice idea. So, what's your plan for the buttons? -My plan is one button each day. -Right. I get that, but what do you plan to do with them? -I'm sorry. I don't understand the question. -Like, are you planning to wear the buttons? -It's just one button every day.

It's just 365 buttons. -Right. I guess I was just confused about if you're going to put them in a jar or. -Hey, so, it actually only has to make sense to me for me to do it. [Cheers and applause] And I don't feel like explaining it to anyone else. -Okay. That is why you're here, but. -I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do with the buttons or where I'm going to put them. All I know is, I want to have one button every day so I can think about time more. -I think people are just sort of curious because you brought this idea up.

-Well, all the people can just leave me alone and let me do this. -I'm sorry, Tamara. -It's actually pronounced "Tamara," as in, I'll tell you about the buttons Tamara. -You know what? It doesn't matter. Do you have any other resolutions? -Yes. I want to write a book about a man who has a secret. -That sounds interesting. What's the secret? -I don't know. The man has a secret, not me. -Is the secret that he has buttons?

-Don't be playful. -Okay. I don't have to know about the answers to secrets. I was just saying I had an idea. You don't know anything about me. You don't have to know where I'm going to put the buttons. It's just one button, 365, every day, one button each every day. -Are you running out of batteries? -That's very funny. I can see why they made you the anchor. Before I go, I do have a solution to the crisis in Venezuela.

-Alright, fine. What is it? -I don't know. I just have to go there and understand how to want to know. -Tamara, everybody. -I eat the buttons, okay? I eat the buttons. -For "Weekend Update," I'm Michael Che. I'm still confused. -I'm Colin Jost. Good night. [Cheers and applause] ♪♪♪