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Welcome back. Give it up for Louis Cato and the great big joy machine. Oh my gosh. Jon, Louis, Louis, and they are Corey, Nega, Joe. Give it up for the band right now. The greatest band on TV. Beautiful. I also just want to take a moment right here. Yeah. I just want to give a Take a moment right here. Have a seat everybody. I want to thank everybody who showed up last night to give me the Colbert Questionnaire. It was an extraordinary group of our old friends here on the show. We gave it How much time do we allow it? Um 21 minutes. 21 minutes and how long did it go? Uh 58 minutes.
Went to 58 minutes. So uh you can go online and we've put up the whole thing, right? The whole thing. You can watch the whole thing right there in all of its beautiful chaotic glory. Check it out. Now, folks, if you watch this show, you know that on every I'm sorry, Louis, is that coming from one of your speakers over there? Uh no, I don't think so. Do you hear what I'm talking about though? Yeah, yeah, no, I hear it. Okay, hold on. Um Is that Can you guys turn it off or Wait, it's gone. Okay. Never mind. Sorry.
Fantastic. Where we going? Folks, uh if you watch this show, you know I spent a lot of my time right over there in the new shipyard assembling the most topical story hall using the finest graphics, flawless camera work, direction, sound, and lighting all powered by a 2,000 horsepower marine diesel engine of jokes. For the honor of helming the blissfully steady flybridge yacht of comedy that is my nightly monologue. But sometimes, just sometimes, folks, while wrapping up 11 years of gags about Doritos flavored liquor, three penis cadavers, and cocaine sharks, I strip the copper wire out of our control board and strap my love of my staff and crew to my overturned desk and slap on some fans ripped out of our laser printers, then climb inside and putter away in the
unsinkable gratitude dinghy of news that is my segment. Meanwhile It's sweeping the nation, Chris. It's sweeping the nation. It's a salve for the soul. Meanwhile A federal appeals court has struck down a 150-year-old ban on home distilling, opening the door to making your own spirits at home. Experts say uh distilling spirits at home is similar to making beer at home in that the first step is to get divorced. Meanwhile, the world's largest Dr.
Pepper bottle was just unveiled at the Dr. Pepper Museum and celebrates the iconic soft drink first created in Waco, Texas in 1885. Yes, Waco, Texas. You know their slogan, "Please say we're famous for the soda." Meanwhile the owner of the music of a Charlie Brown Christmas and other Peanuts television specials has filed four lawsuits yesterday against those illegally using the famous song Linus and Lucy. Now, Peanuts is a powerful brand and corporation in and of itself. Anyone illegally using that music is going to have to pay through the nose. Louis.
Excuse me, Louis. Is the band Is the band right now playing the same Peanuts music that I just said people are being sued for using without permission? Is that what he's doing? Yeah, is that what they're doing? Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, I hope this doesn't cost CBS any money.
Meanwhile, old school pharmaceutical brand swag is now hot on the thrifting scene. Like this scarf emblazoned with blue Viagra pills or this lovely clock with the logo for the antidepressant Lexapro. It's a good looking clock. Plus, it's got that catchy slogan. What time is it? I'll tell you what time it is and it isn't time to fill your pockets with rocks and walk into the ocean. Meanwhile, oh, wait a second. Hey, I just noticed another old friend in the audience. It's It's Tig Notaro. Hi, Tig. Thanks. It's good to be Hey.
Hey, Stephen. Let me guess, you also think you're going to be my guest tonight. No. Really? No, I just like to be at historic events. I was at the Obama inauguration, the moon landing and whatever this is. Tig, Yeah. you weren't at the moon landing. I said what I said. Well, I mean, Tig, it's it's nice of you to be here to support me for my last show. This is your last show? Yeah, how did you not know that? I have a very full life, Stephen. Well, here's the deal. It's our last show because we were canceled and I don't really want to talk about it right now. Yeah, we'll get into it during my
interview as the last guest. I got you. Ryan Reynolds We'll break it down. Ryan, it's it's great to see you, but I hate to tell you, buddy, you're you're not my last guest. Ouchy. Okay, well, you know, in that case, I'm just happy to be here, you know, pay my respects to the uh one of the world's greatest entertainers on his last night at the Ed Sullivan Theater. Wow, well, thank you.
Thank you so much, Ryan. That means so much to me. I was uh talking about your keyboardist, Kory Bernhard. This is for you. Thank you. Please stop DMing me. Never. Meanwhile, the New York Post recently profiled a New York City man who makes himself sushi from the bass he catches in the Hudson River. He will be missed. We'll be right back with our very special final guest. Stick around.
