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Dr. Oz, Trump's head of Medicare and Medicaid, and guy at the urinal next to you saying your pee should be clearer. He just came out with an important message about your health. He's on the move. Let's go, Chris. Diane, just join me. I love walking. It's a whole special joy. Makes you think a little clearer. Get outside a little bit. Get your heart pumping. Turns out if you can walk just 20 minutes a day could save our country hundred billion dollars in reduced health expenditures. That's why it's so important to create a little flash mob.
Let's go team. This is what happens when you try to do one of those Jennifer Hudson spirit tunnels but you only have white people. Also, no one exercises to improve the government's finances. Imagine if your Pelaton instructor was like, "Okay, five more minutes and Cash Patel can fly private to Burning Man." But are we really advertising walking? Isn't that like a basic biological activity? What's the next video in this series? Hi, I'm Dr. Oz. Have you tried [__] in a toilet?
It could save us billions. If you questioned his judgment after those stories came out about him taking home dead whales and dead bears, I have great news. There's a new animal you can add to the list. The New York Post reports that in a 2001 diary entry, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. wrote about cutting off the penis of a roadkilled raccoon while his kids waited patiently in the car so that he could examine it later. What is WRONG WITH THIS MAN? HE CUT OFF A raccoon's penis and saved it for later like some kind of raccoon dick push pop. And I know he put it right in his jeans pocket, too. Didn't even wrap it in a tissue or anything. Every time I hear
about one of these RFK stories, they always mention that his kids were waiting patiently, which means RFK just doesn't know the difference between patience and horror. I'm sure all the hostages in a bank robbery are waiting patiently to go home. It must have been so traumatic for his kids. Any car trip with him could turn into a roadkill excursion at any moment. When he asks his kids if they want to go run errands with him, they must be like, I mean, use an extension cord like a regular dad." Regardless, you will never, and I mean never, be RFK Jr. in a game of never have I ever.
You'll be sitting with them like never have I ever eaten a raccoon's I did it. I didn't even say what part yet. Doesn't matter. Recent polls show that young Republicans are starting to turn on Trump, especially over the war with Iran. But Donald Trump is not worried because he's got the one guy who has the wrist to Trump max Gen Z again. talking about Vice President JD Vance yesterday. He went to a TPUSA event and just look at the packed crowd that came out to see him. Oh my god, have you ever seen such a handful of people?
It's very nice of Turning Point to institute COVID rules 6 years too late. BUT JD But JD Vance managed to inspire the crowd with his stirring message of please don't leave me. I recognize uh that a lot of young voters don't love the policy that we have in the Middle East. Okay, I understand that. What I'm saying is don't get disengaged because you disagree with the administration on one topic. Get more involved. Make your voice heard even more. That's how we ultimately take the country back. Yeah, that's right, JD. It's time to take the country back from yourself. Like what? What are you talking about? Take taking back from what? Republicans have everything. Republicans control the Congress, the White House, the Supreme
Court, old media, social media. You even took a Kennedy. I mean you can keep him but you still took him that at this point WHY you're fighting the establishment. You are the establishment buddy. At this point liberals are like all we have left is blue sky and we hate that. But young conservatives aren't just mad at Trump because of the war. They're also mad about the thing he started the war to distract us from. The Epstein files. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. Well, you know what? The streets still have questions, but JD Vance tried to bail Trump out of that one, too. When Donald Trump says when the president says this is a hoax, he's not saying it's a hoax that Epste was the scumbag.
He's saying this Democratic idea that somehow he was Epste's best friend. Jeffrey Epste hated Donald Trump. And Donald Trump hated Jeffrey Epste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trump and Epstein always hated each other. We all remember that famous video of them. Everyone here is my friend except you. I hate you. I hate you, too. You're a sick pervert. I hate you so much. Go leave. Kill yourself. For most of the world, this war cannot end soon enough. And today, we got an update from Pete Hexath, Secretary of Defense, and worst part of every Hooters waitress's day. He came out he Yeah, HOOTERS.
He came out at a press conference this morning, and you can tell he's laser focused on defeating Iran. A note to the press, to the press corps, to the American media, as I just can't help but notice the endless stream of garbage, the relentlessly negative coverage. Okay. Right. Well, no. Obviously, he has to defeat the American media first, but then Iran. In the press, you only seek the negative, earning each and every day the fake news label. Okay. I get it. We suck. Fine. Okay. But what about the humus? Sometimes it's hard to figure out what side some of you are actually on. It's incredibly unpatriotic. Where's the coverage of the new spirit in the country? Yeah. You stupid fake news media.
Show some headlines about Spirit in America. Like, how about Spirit Airlines may have to liquidate due to rising fuel prices. Okay. Well, RIGHT. you know what I mean? Okay. Stop start with all the crybaby anti-Trump questions like why haven't we achieved any of the goals in the war just [__] babies only good Christian patriotic questions from now on go Iranian embassy accounts are sharing an AI video of Jesus Christ kind of bloodily killing President Donald Trump uh does the Pentagon have a response to this including the fact that uh this AI Jesus is casting Trump into hell now there's a question.
What does, I quote, what does the Pentagon think of Iran's AI video where Jesus kills Trump and tosses him into hell, which by the way is too graphic to even show on TV. And as we all know, there's no other place besides TV to watch videos, so I guess you'll never see it. But um what say you, Secretary Hexth? Are you pro or con this video of Trump being sent to the fires of hell by AI Jesus? As far as a video like that, of course that's disgusting and detached uh from reality. Yeah. Okay. Uh thank you for clarifying that Jesus punching Trump straight into hell was not reality. Uh, I don't think there were a ton of people going, "Uh, so are they going to arrest Jesus for this or what?" Right?
I mean, I was all set to go to my nearest church, find a priest, and be like, "What the [__] man? Get control of your boy." FBI director and man who starts every day by looking in the mirror and saying, "FREEZE, FREEZE, FBI, FREEZE." In his tenor as FBI director, he's almost solved dozens of cases, but this time the case is about him. FBI director Cash Patel is now suing for defamation over a bombshell new article. Sources told the magazine The Atlantic that Patel, quote, has alarmed colleagues with episodes of excessive drinking and unexplained absences. He wants a quarter
of a billion dollars in damages. A quarter of a billion dollar hour cash battel excessive drinking. I can't imagine such a thing. I mean, yeah, he does always have the look of a drunk guy trying to convince you he's sober, but I've never seen him actually drink. Although, h, now that I think about it, there was that one time Ah, yes. I remember my first 10,000th beer. I guess in retrospect, if a room full of 21-year-old concussed hockey players thinks you're a good Hank, you probably shouldn't be in charge of the FBI.
You probably shouldn't even be in charge of the rental skates at the rink. By the way, fun fact, Cash was already in there drinking. He didn't even know the Olympics were happening. That's why he was so happy when the hockey team showed up. BUT SO WHAT? THE GUY PARTIES WHEN TEAM USA wins a gold medal. That's not worth a quarter of a billion dollars. How bad are these accusations? On multiple occasions in the past year, members of Patel's security detail had difficulty waking him because he was seemingly intoxicated. At one point, the article claims, even prompting a request for SWAT style breaching equipment because the director had been unreachable behind locked doors.
Okay, I mean, that sounds pretty bad. Um, look, I've been hung over, but I've never been so hung over they had to wake me up the same way they killed Bin Laden. What else you got? During Patel's tenure as FBI director, the FBI has had to reschedu early meetings as a quote result of his alcohol-fueled nights, adding that director Patel is often away or unreachable. The story also goes on to report Patel is a frequent guest of the Poodle Room at the Fountain Blue Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada. Okay, it is a little weird that a man whose job is in Washington DC also frequently goes to something called the Poodle Room
in Las Vegas. But I'm sure the Poodle Room is a distinguished, respectable, hypoallergenic social club where important men network and exchange ideas. So, it's a coke den. Ladies, ladies, if you want to get an STD on a circular water bed, might I recommend meeting a gentleman at the poodle room? Imagine you're this guy at the poodle room just having a good time with your shirt unbuttoned all the way and all of a sudden you're like, "Is that the FBI director throwing up on himself?" And there's more in this article than
just stories about Cash drinking. There's also stories about him being stupid and a little highrung. Back on April 10th, Patel had trouble logging onto an internal computer system. It was just a technical glitch, but Patel quickly became convinced he had been locked out and he panicked, frantically calling aids and allies to announce he had been fired by the White House. Whoa. CALM DOWN, CASH. How paranoid are you if the moment you have trouble logging into your computer, you think you got fired? Oh no, they fired me. Get me on a plane to China. I'M GOING TO TELL THEM ALL MY SECRETS. I HATE THIS COUNTRY AND EVERYBODY IN IT.
OH WAIT, I just had the caps lock on. Everything's cool. God, I need a drink. Um, but it is concerning that the guy who's supposed to be the country's top investigator can't crack the case of logging into his own computer. No wonder he's pissed off. What else does he have to say about this article? We are not going to take this laying down. You want to attack my character? Come at me. Bring it on. Yeah, that's right. He's not going to take this laying down because then they'd have to get the SWAT team in to wake him up. But now, as a part of his lawsuit, Cash argues that under his leadership, the FBI has achieved historic law
enforcement results, which even if that were true, doesn't prove anything. People can accomplish incredible things when they're drunk. If Tiger Woods can successfully park in a ditch, then Cash Patel can be like, "Hey, go arrest some bad guys." Hell, I'M A LITTLE DRUNK RIGHT NOW. And I think we all agree I'ming nailing it. Let's say hello to Labor Secretary Lorie Chavez Darr. She's one of the more obscure cabinet secretaries, but it's never too late to get to know her. Lorie Chavez Dreamer has resigned. DAMN IT. NOT YOU TOO, LORI. It's always the ones you never heard of. That's right. Secretary Lori has resigned over a scandal. And if you're wondering which scandal, the answer is yes.
Her departure comes amid multiple scandals and investigations, including drinking on the job, allegedly taking staff to a strip club and using department resources for personal trips. Chavez Dreamer is also accused of having an affair with a member of her security team. WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE going through her workplace anti-harassment training like challenge accepted? But taking your staff to strip clubs? Really? I can't think of a more inappropriate place for a government official to be spending their time. Well, maybe a strip club isn't so bad after all. But before you jackals in the media go tearing Lori down just because she knows how to party, don't forget
this woman has a family. Have a little respect for what her husband is going through. Her husband also in hot water. He was banned from the department's headquarters earlier this year after two women accused him of sexual misconduct. WHAT? MY BOY was banned from his wife's OFFICE FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT. I've heard of men cheating while their wives were at work. I've never heard of a man cheating at his wife's work. This guy's unreal. And to do it all with resting I'm going to sniff your neck face. That's so impressive. Well, this cannot get worse for Lori. I can't imagine anything more embarrassing than your staff being sexually harassed at work by your husband.
The New York Times reports that the secretary's husband quote exchanged text messages with young female staff members, as did her father. Holy [__] Her dad. They're saying her dad is trying to tag team his daughter's staff with his son-in-law. WELL, no wonder she's DRINKING AT WORK. This must be a misunderstanding. In an April 2025 exchange, Richard Chavez wrote to a young female staff member, quote, "Hearing you are in town, wishing you would let me know, I could have made some excuses to get out and show you around. Please keep this
private." Don't worry, buddy. No one's ever going to see this. Lory's probably like, "God damn it, Dad. Now you know how to use your phone. This is creepy and disgusting." And also such a classic parent text. Even when they're being perverts, they're like, "Well, it would have been nice for you to give me a heads up you're coming to town." But this is crazy. There's no way Lori knew about her husband and her dad. Right. Some of the young women were instructed by the labor secretary herself to quote, "Pay attention to her husband and father." Wow. The labor secretary heard Cash Patel had a scandal and she's like, "Hold my beer
and my wine and my stack of dollar bills and my dad's penis." As part of Trump's efforts to pressure Iran to open the straight, the US Navy is blockading all Iranian ports along the coastline, which is a very complex, difficult task. But luckily, we've got the steady, stable leadership of US Navy Secretary John Felin to get the job done. US Navy Secretary John Felin ousted from his position effected immediately. What? You're in the middle of a major naval operation and you're firing the guy whose job is to be in charge of major naval operations just because what? He looks like a high school principal who's always asking the girls for hugs.
How else are you going to say congrats on sophomore year? There must be a reason. Tensions between Felin and Defense Secretary Pete Hexath had been mounting according to multiple sources familiar with the relationship. The approach Felen was taking when it came to ship building appears to have been the main reason for the firing. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I um I can't tell you how many friends I've lost arguing about ship building. It's It's actually kind of sad. Tim, Gary, Todd, I know we haven't spoken since our big fight about whether a displacement hall is superior to a semi-isplacement hall, but I still think that a semi- displacement offers better balance of range and speed. But I wish
it hadn't torn our friendship apart, especially since none of us were actually building a ship. Also, sorry for banging your wives. Um, in retrospect, that was childish AND UNCALLED FOR. But this firing is a little concerning, especially because we're losing all of the military expertise that I'm sure John Felin had been bringing for the job for, I assume, years. Before taking the job just 13 months ago, Felen was a Florida businessman and a major donor to President Trump's campaigns. He had never served in the military. HOLY [__] THAT'S IT. THEY PUT A GUY IN charge of the US Navy because he's good at being rich.
Secretary, six incoming torpedoes. Quick, throw some money at him. I mean, but still, Trump hangs out with lots of rich people. There must have been something more about John Felin that he liked. John Felin is named on a flight manifest indicating that he flew on Jeffrey Epstein's private plane in March 2006. God damn. That plane was like a LinkedIn for creeps. Someone on there must have been like, "Yeah, I diddle kids, but only for the networking." So maybe it's not so bad that Hagget isn't feeling anymore. But who's taking the helm from him?
Replacing him is acting head of the Navy will be Under Secretary Hunga, a combat veteran who ran unsuccessful campaigns for the House and Senate in Virginia. This is a great gentleman. I love his name, Hunga. I love that name. Okay, sure. I'm sure he loves that name now. But how long until Trump forgets Hunga's name and starts trying to get close? Hey, the carrier's under attack. Where's Fat Dong? Huh? Hey, anyone seen Chubby Wang? By the way, Hunga was my nickname IN HIGH SCHOOL. THAT'S RIGHT, LADIES. I WAS WELLENDOWED AND my farts caused climate change. Now, to be clear,
cow does have some things that you want in a Navy secretary, like 20 years experience in the Navy. But in case you're worried that Trump accidentally hired someone normal, not so fast. for example, he seems very concerned about Christians being persecuted even when it's a bit of a stretch. There's a place um in Monterey, California called Lovers Point. Yeah. The original name was Lovers of Christ Point, but now it's become they took out the Christ. It's Lover's Point. Oh, okay. That's very interesting. So, that's actually just like Orlando originally was called Orlando. Don't you love Jesus?
Is changing it from lovers of Christ point to lovers point that big of a deal? I mean, if they change it to rim job lovers point, yeah, fine. That might send a signal, but they didn't. And that's why I have no interest in going. But sorry, I interrupted. You were talking about how all the Christians were driven out of Monterey, California. So, what happened next? And it's really Monterey is a very dark place now. a lot of witchcraft and the Wiccan community has really taken over there and we can't let that happen in Virginia. Yeah. No. Yeah. We can't let Virginia be taken over by witches.
Also, I have a follow-up question. What the are you talking about? The time's come for Iran to make a sensible choice. And it's not easy for them to do that obviously because the top people in that government are to say the least um you know um they're insane in the brain. Really, Marco? A little inappropriate to be quoting old rap lyrics while you're talking about war. I mean, you imagine your doctor telling you if you're looking for the tumor on this scan, whoop, there it is. I'm afraid it's actually spread from the windows to the wall. The sweat dropped down my but if you've been watching Marco Rubio for a long time, first of all, what is wrong with you? And second, you know that this is kind of his thing.
Every day the Department of War lets the drummer get wicked over every portion of Iran. They should check themselves before they wreck themselves. If you don't know, now you know. We are dealing with people over there that have spent most their lives living in a gangster paradise. I'm sorry. We're getting breaking news that rap is no longer cool. Marco, you've got to drop this. You're the Secretary of State for Christ's sakes, not some lame wedding DJ. Marco Rubio clocking in for a shift as a wedding DJ over the weekend. All right. How is no one in this administration busy? Inflation is soaring, which means gas prices are going up. Transportation costs are exploding. And our most
cherished airlines are up in heaven now charging the angels for water. Now, you know what? Normally, I'd be worried, but thank God we have Transportation Secretary Shawn Duffy, who I'm sure is laser focused on fixing it. Transportation Secretary Shawn Duffy is starring in a new reality show encouraging people to hit the road. Duffy and his wife Rachel Campos Duffy of Fox News, met on MTV's Road Rules Allstars, and they and their nine children are channeling that past in this five-part YouTube series. Wow. First off, nine kids. I guess we know someone who's not underbabied. Now, you might be upset that your tax dollars were spent on sending Shawn Duffy and his entire Wuang clan on an all expenses paid trip around the
country, but don't worry, you didn't put the bill. It was the other kind of corruption. Duffy says no taxpayer dollars were involved. Neither he nor his family were paid and sponsors picked up the production tab. But looking at some of those corporate backers, government watchd dogs warn that the secretary is enjoying a road trip that appears to have been funded by the very industries his agency overseas. Wow. I mean, Boeing just can't help being part of a disaster. The focus of the event was America's lower birth rates. So, of course, Trump invited RFK Jr., health secretary and guy whose iPhone screen is always greasy. So, let me ask RFK Jr., why are birth
rates down? And please remember when you answer, don't make this weird. Uh, for men, in 1970, men had twice the sperm count as our teenagers do today. I'm sorry. Did he just do a back in my day for sperm? BACK WHEN I WAS A TEEN, WE HAD TWICE THE JISM. OUR SPUNK KNEW HOW TO DRIVE A STICK, YOU KNOW. UH THEY DON'T MAKE MAN BUTTER LIKE THAT ANYMORE. NOW, he didn't explain how he knows that, but knowing RFK, I'm sure he personally went down to the sperm bank and sampled them like gelato flavors. You know, can I get it with sprinkles, please? Okay, but it's interesting that
he mentioned teenage sperm in particular because when you look at the lower birth rates, that's mostly driven by fewer teen births. by which I mean teenagers giving birth and not moms giving birth to teenagers, you know. Oh, congratulations. It's a Mr. Beast fan. I'm just confused why the government is apparently trying to reboot 16 and Pregnant.
