19:07
I got up in the middle of the night and I went for a piss and the wind changed and the piss went all over the gondura. Morning. I tried to go back to sleep, but it's too cold to sleep out there without the gandur on. I was deeply regretting the decision not to fake the entire camping sequence. I'd had almost no sleep. My back hurt from lying in the boot of the car and the sand that has settled into my ass crack overnight was already beginning to chafe. Fortunately, Boo had a solution, offering to heal me with a traditional desert treatment.
Okay. He suggested that uh we do this thing called a sand him, which is the desert equivalent of a spa treatment essentially. Okay, this is a good spot to dig the hole. Okay. You dig a hole, you put someone in it, you bury them, and then you lie there for 25 minutes. Thank you for doing this, baby. Welcome, my brother. I mean, essentially, I went to the top of the dune with a man and an axe, and he said, "I'm going to bury you."
Take your t-shirt off. Okay. Your head here. Yeah. Your legs over there. The heat from the sand, the warmth that the sand is carrying is supposed to cure you of any sort of ailments with your joints. And you know, apparently, according to Boo, it cures rheumatism and things like that. Trust. Yeah. And put the tit on. Yeah. Please, please, please stay like that. Oh my god. Is this what you were planning the whole time? Yeah. Boo has got to be one of the nicest human beings I've ever met. The attention to detail in terms of the TLC that man delivered during the Sandam is incredible. I felt like I was
being motherthered. I half expected him to ask me to suckle. It was incredible. If it's hot, tell me. If you don't feel well, tell me. It's hot and I don't feel well. I mean, the truth is my back does feel better having done it. But my argument would be I just I did just lie down for half an hour. Okay. Yeah. Go. Look, the truth of it is uh I get the desert now. I understand it. Um and it has been a very enjoyable experience spending time with Boo in this isolation with the sand and the heat.
What the hell happened to my stuff? It's here. Everything is still here. The best way I can describe it is a few years ago I got invited to like a very intimate Prince gig. And uh we were very excited cuz obviously Prince is was an absolute legend. And uh I stood in the second row and just stood and watched an absolute genius play through his songs. And that first hour of that gig was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. When he entered into hour three of the concert, I've got to be honest with you, my thought was I've had about enough of Prince now. And that is how I feel about the desert right now. Going to be honest with you, when you said luxury camp, I doubted you. But this is unbelievable. This
is welcome drink. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you. Welcome. Bisah. This looks amazing. Thank you very much. Can I get the tour? Yeah, please. All right. I want to take you to show you your tent. This is very swanky, mate. Yeah, I like it. Chill out area. Yeah, there's fire camp. Yeah. Oh, mate. Please come here. Wow. Jump in it. How is it? It's beautiful. This is great. Okay.
This is your shower outside. Okay. Just behind your tent. Okay. Boo. Can I just point out something? I can see you very clearly. No, I have to explain to you. You see me? Yeah. I'm just pointing out a design flaw. So, I'm just going to watch you shower now. Yeah. Want to Okay, cool. Okay. All right. It's like that. You have to try it before you go. You have to try it. Yeah, sure.
Very easy. Feels good. Sure. This feels perfect after all this heat. Yeah. Now cold. This is like the start to the worst porn I've ever showered and changed into some traditional clothes that Boo gave me. An outfit that he assured me didn't look ridiculous. How come you look cool and I look like a terrorist? It's nice. Oh god. Oh my god. Oh no. Oh my god. It's fun, eh? Yeah. Okay. You take the board and then you climb up there. Jesus. Give me that. You know what you do? What? It's very easy to climb without shoes. The dunes at Urg Chaga stretch for over 30 mi of near perfect wilderness.
Its dunes, which can rise as high as 60 m, are constantly changing, slowly shifting and spreading across the vast landscape. How do you find it? Well, the camp's amazing. And this is uh I mean obviously I had it in my mind's eye what this is going to look like, but when you're actually here it's uh pretty incredible. Although it was hard to take in much detail, apparently this tradition began when local growers would compete to see how much coffee they could load onto the back of their jeeps.
There is now an annual festival which these drivers compete from across the region. Manuel John Manuel. That was amazing. So, John is asking us if you want to go into the car. Uh, yeah. Okay, that's what I wanted to hear. All right, let's do it. Okay. I'm okay. I'll be honest, I liked it a lot. There's a hip-hop thing about it. you know that sort of low rider showing off the hydraulics and all that I love all of that.
And then I look across and there's a guy gesturing to me with his hat off and I think, "Oh, who's that bloke?" Oh, that's the driver. He's got out. I'm sorry, mate. Unacceptable. First of all, unacceptable to get out of the car. Second of all, unacceptable get out without checking with your passengers if they feel comfortable about it. And then we just sat on there. Hazel's laughing. It sort of descended into hysteria cuz we could die here. That was amazing. Oh Colombian coffee is considered by many to be the finest grown anywhere in the world. 810,000 tons of the stuff is produced here each year.
The equivalent of roughly 115 billion cups. On arrival at the farm, Hazel informed me that it was my task to produce just one. You have to do the whole process to enjoy the cup of coffee in the end. Well, let's go then. No, I'm just going to wait here. Like I love the landscape. told you I always like to take a view, meet people. I know what this is. I'll go and make the coffee then. Yeah. You relax. Yeah. And I'll bring you back a cup of coffee like an absolute.
Thank you very much. I love you. Never change. You're amazing. I trust in you. Shut up. Bye. Fina Elaso is a small familyrun farm that's been producing coffee here for hundreds of years. We are going to pick only the red one. Yeah. This one, right? Yeah. They've recently started offering a coffee picking experience and their son Santiago guided me through the process. Fast. Yes. So, how many cups of coffee could I get out of this? Estimate. I won't quote you on it. Maybe like uh two or three.
Two or three? Yeah. Well, that's enough then. Let's go. Isn't it Let's go next stage, isn't it? There's still a couple of green ones in here, Santiago. And I'm not trying to point any fingers, but wasn't me. There followed stages in which I was asked to remove the skins, wash them to remove any residues, put the coffee in the bed, the bed. Yeah. And then spread them out to dry. At this point, Santiago mentioned that we should now come back in a week when the beans would be ready. So we wait for seven days or 10 days.
7 to 10 days. Yeah. The exercise revealed as meaningless. I skipped the roasting, grinding, and brewing sections and opted to simply buy Hazel a cup from the cafe. Hello, Hazel. Are you tired? Are you sitting on your ass all afternoon? Yeah, a bit. I brought you some coffee. How are you? Can I say something? I didn't even make this. Should I tell you why? Because it takes 10 days. Ah, okay. So, this utterly pointless exercise. So, I just been around.
Oh, but did you grab some beans? Do you know what this Yes, I did. Oh, that's nice. Have you done that before? Yes. When? I'm Colombian. So, talk me through the stages. You pick the beans, then what do you do? Then you uh put it in the sun to toast. Okay. Absolute bollocks. So, you don't know how to do it. Step? No. Which one is the No, that's like the fourth step. Beautiful.
Not worth it, but beautiful. So, I want to show you the bridge. This is the most famous symbol of Gini. Look at that. So, this bridge was made in the Ottoman time. It was built like in the mid 16th century and ever since then it became the most important symbol of this country. But also unfortunately in 1993 it was destroyed in the war. When it was reconstructed in 2004 he become the symbol number one of Bosnia. It was special because ever since it was built people started diving from it as well. So even today you have this diving competition which is slowly entering the 500th year of the anniversary of diving.
It looks quite dangerous. It looks really dangerous. Would you like to try? Um I don't think so. We should go up. We can have a look like how it feels on the top. So maybe you will know only then better what do you feel about it. I mean I feel like I know now but I'm happy to go and have a look and then we can confirm that I'm not doing it. Okay, let's go. So, I would like to introduce to my friend who can maybe show us how he's done. I feel sick just watching this. Hello. Nice to meet you. How are you? All right. So, how long have you been doing this? I mean, have people hurt themselves doing this?
Right. So, you got to penetrate the water. I mean, do you mind if I see you have a go and then I'll make up my mind whether I want to do it? Is that okay? Cuz I think it's only fair that I see him do it first. Right. So good. That looks horrific. How do you feel about doing it? Oh god. I don't want to do it. I don't I think you should do it. [snorts] I don't want to do this, man. I don't I can't do this.
Is this actually all right to do? Health and safety side. I'm sorry. Okay, let's just get it over and done with If you don't do it, we don't really have an end to the show. Just you do have an end. Just go cut to credits. Otherwise, the end of the show is going to be Ramish died in the fall and then you're going to cut to credits and then it's going to be misadventures of Nishkumar. But I'm just going to do it. Okay. Ready? Yes. Come on, man. Woo. That felt unbelievable. Oh, this is the apparition hill above us, right? So, this is where the Virgin Mary appeared to those children which I told you about.
Okay. Do you want to go up? Yeah, let's go. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. I don't go. I stay. Why? You need to experience this place for yourself on your own. I won't do any good to you. It's like spiritual thing. So, you're staying here? I'm staying. What are you going to do while I'm going? I'm going to have a coffee or something like that. But please be careful. It's very slippery. People get injured. Some people even died on the road up. Okay. There's something you tell somebody after they finish the walk. Yeah. But the prayers will save you, I'm sure. I'll see you in a bit.
See you in a bit, mate. See you in a bit. I'm absolutely furious at this point. He stayed down there to have a coffee. Kind of feeling I'm the victim of a stitch up. It's going to be apparition of my fist to his face when I get back down. God, is this worth it? It be worth it if we see something.
Well, we're not going to see anything. How do you know? Come on, mate. Is that it there? In contrast to Sievo, the weather was much, much nicer down here. Herza Gavvenia felt like a different country to Bosnia, even though it isn't one, although it sounds like it. Scender told me the warmer Mediterranean climate is perfect for producing wines. We're going to try some of the finestian wines. That evening, he took me to a local vineyard for a tasting session. Moj is okay. really good. Very good. Yeah. So, Scander took me to uh wine tasting and I'm going to be straight up with you. I am so smashed.
It's I literally can't see. I cannot see. So, what uh what are you looking for in a good wine? Smell and taste. Smell taste. That's the way to distinguish it. I've got to be honest with you. Of the two things that I thought you got engaged with sense-wise, I guessed taste and smell. I don't think I was supposed to listen to it. Isn't it bad to mix wines? That's lovely. So, what do you think? Tell me what you think about it. There's not loads left in this. You know that. What have you learned about Herz Cavvenian wine? I've learned it's delicious.
It is tasty. I have some gift for you. Stay there. You know what is this? A bottle. Pyramid water. Oh my god. It's for you. Is this the water with the vibration? The love vibration. Yes. From the pyramid. That's the one. Oh my god. That's the best you can get. This is worthless. What tastes came through? Wine. Next question. I want to say that I told you when you came that Bosnia is going to blow your mind. It's not an ordinary travel destination. It's not an ordinary story. It's something you heard of
already, but when you go home, it stays with you like deep in your heart. So, I told you, you're going to love it. That was such a beautiful speech. Welcome to El Toumo volcano. Do you like it? I mean, um, is this really a volcano? It's a volcano, is it? Yes. It's one of the tinest one in Colombia. And how long has this been here for? Almost 3,000 years. Yeah. Since like we have the planet, it's pretty old. Since we have the planet, are you under the impression that the planet is 3,000 years old?
I don't know. Just in Colombia. Yeah. Okay. I think that needs a fact check. It essentially looks like an antill that got out of No, actually people in here believe that this they say that it's uh used to speed fire and lab and everything, but it's a priest says that it was like a devil thing and he just put uh holy water in the volcano. That's like the popular belief. That's the popular belief. Yeah. What's the unpopular belief? And we are here Romesh Rang Nathan. You can absolutely Eat if you think I'm getting in there.
No, you're going to. Hazel told me that this volcano apparently has healing properties and that one quick dip would dramatically improve my complexion. I was skeptical as to the benefits of bathing in a giant vat of dead skin. Right, let's go. Hazel, stop about. But after much debate, I agreed to take the plunge. Hazel, come on. Get in the volcano. I hate you. Oh god, this is horrible. Up, DOWN, [screaming] MATE. Oh my god. Like it feels like the black end.
That was so graceful. You know that. Okay. Ready? Why did you do that? How do I like a prick? No. Shrek. Yeah. Wrong. Can you just put your head under again, mate? I'll be honest with you, mate. My ears are completely filled with mud. I can't hear anything you're saying. Can you just put your head under again, mate? Can you get your head under, mate? Why don't you one more time? I'm getting mate. I'm literally I'm deaf. I've got volcano in my ears.
Okay, don't worry. Just get Oh, this just wants to come back. What did you say? GET OUT OF MY SWAMP. LET'S GET THE out of there. This is absolute I know. This is great. Yeah. No, honestly, it's great. It's a great idea. And it's not annoying to get the mud off or anything. No problem. There's showers. Don't worry about that, mate. For the benefit of those who can't tell, I'm currently getting my junk rinse.
Would you recommend the volcano experience to your friends? Would I recommend it? Yeah. It's difficult now because I'm torn between the fact that I think you've done a wonderful job on this trip. I'm torn between that and the fact that I think that volcano was a load of Did you have fun? I had fun. I laughed a lot. Yeah, I Yeah, I had fun because I'm with you, right? And we get and we had a nice time. But you don't have to get into a fake volcano to do that.
We could have just gone to a cafe. No, that wouldn't be that fun. Did she help you clean your bum? Yes, she put her hand in between my cheeks. No, she did. There should be some sort of licensing. Otherwise, anybody can go in the lake with a bowl and just fondle people. There was no sign or anything. If you were given the option to touch one, would you? No. Why? Because I think if you touch a wild animal Mhm. and it bites your arm off, you Nobody feels sorry for you. But what if it's used to people?
They You might not have met somebody with the same physique as me and so it feels threatened. No, it doesn't feel threatened. It just thinks that has that he looks chewy. I SHOULDN'T BE QUIETER. Could be summoning the animals. Yeah. I mean, you're supposed to be quiet and your laugh. Literally, I'm going to have to just not say anything because you laugh at anything. And what I don't want to do is say something and then hear your laughter as I die. This is pretty cool though being around here, isn't it? [clears throat] This is us.
Oh man, Sylvester. Oh man. Hey. Oh my god, that is amazing. Sylvester is a cheetah whose entire cheetah family were tracked down and murdered by an evil lion when he was just a baby. Humans found him and cared for him. Sort of like a reverse jungle book. Then when Sylvester was old enough to be released back into the wild, he refused to go. Now he works as a sort of figurehead for the country's attempts to protect their endangered cheetahs. An icon known as Sylvester, the cheetah ambassador. And I had been granted an audience.
It is actually possible for us to go and meet Sylvester and get to see him from close up. This is what I would consider personally close. What is the code of conduct for approaching Sylvester? Every animal. Yeah, it's instinctive to chase after anything that runs and Sylvester is no exceptional. So, he could probably run after anyone who is running. We were told by Sylvester's handler that he's very friendly. He then listed the 28 things that you could do to make Sylvester attack you. And it's very difficult to sort of fully focus on how tame he is when you know that if you're
the wrong star sign, he'll claw your face off. Hey, handsome boy. You notice he does purr. Yeah. Um the sound that he's just making briefly. He does that when he's content and uh comfortable. Hey guys, that was crazy. Sylvester, it turns out, moves very, very slowly unless I am anywhere near him. Because as soon as Chipo and I sat down to give him a stroke, he moved his head very, very quickly, which caused the immediate arrival of a turtle head into my shorts. That just peed a little. That was unfortunate for my pants. We're going to back away now. Yeah, I've got to be honest with you. Now, even if we get in the vehicle, he will be able to track me because I've shot myself.
My first impression is I love it so far. I mean, how can you not? I saw one of the most incredible scenes I've ever seen at Victoria Falls and I've just hung out with the cheetah ambassador. Do you know what I mean? Like, if I turn around to you as in I'm not enjoying Zimbabwe, what does that say about me? Do you know what I mean? I love it. It's great. Is there any negative points about Zimbabwe? I would say the thighs. What's your feeling towards uh Chipo? Do you think she finds him funny? I think Chipo finds breathing funny. I don't think there is anything that Chipo wouldn't find funny. I genuinely think if I came over after doing this
little chat to you, went over to Chip and she says, "What you've been up to?" And I said, I was just explaining to the camera that recently had a bereavement. I think she'd piss herself. I just found out that um I'm bas in the UK. When did this happen? I hate that you just did. I told you. I'm not supposed to laugh at that. When you come to Zim, you have to go to Kurba. It's beautiful. Hopefully we'll see some animals, right? Um, what kind of animals are we talking about? Um, hopefully we'll see elephants. Yeah, like elephants. Um, it would be nice to see some crocs.
Crocs can off. Yeah. What else? Hippos. Like hippos. Madagascar. She's great. The hippo, isn't she? She's She's so lovely. Exactly. She's just concerned about if her bum looks big in this or whatever. Yes. She wants to shag that giraffe. Do you know what I mean? That's Imagine what it would look like. A giraffe and a hippo getting up. What would you call the baby? A geripo. Like a baby gurippo. That kid's having a tough time at school. Massive ass, long neck.
Absolute shocker. Don't sit with that. Oh, what happened at school today? I got bullied again. Why? Cuz I look like this. We arrived at our final destination, Lake Kuribba, the world's largest man-made reservoir, covering an area of almost 6,000 km. Kuriba is seen as one of the big potential growth spots for the country. Famous for its world-class fishing and house boats. Feels a little bit small to spend the night on.
We'll be fine. Hello, Romesh. Yeah, boy. Wow, this is a lot faster than I thought it was going to be. Yeah. Can you see that? That's where we're headed. Oh, cool. Oh, god. Are you slightly scared? Cuz I am. Welcome on board. Thank you. Wow. Thank you. Just come in the room. The plan was to head to the other side of the lake to see the abundant wildlife on the shores of Matusa Dono National Park.
This is great. Finally, this show steps up to what I deserve. And let's caught up here again. This is so good. I'm starting to get emotional. I think you're going to enjoy it. Welcoming. Thank you. Thank you so much. Welcome. Look at this. Very nice. What can you see? Uh I can see my own eye. Can you see anything? Where? There's an elephant. Where? Oh, there. Oh, yeah. Uh, looks like an elephant. But I don't want to properly confirm until I'm a bit closer.
Oh, no. That definitely is an elephant. This is amazing, isn't it? It is. It's amazing how long it takes me to find it with the binoculars. This is so cool. It is. Oh my god. Simultaneous piss and from that elephant. Isn't that amazing? It's incredible. And he is, I can tell you now, packing. I am half mind to stand up and applaud. Did you see that? Yeah. I mean, you think about the wildlife experiences I've had since I've been here. One of them would be incredible, but to have so many in such a short period of time, and to
get this close, it's mad. Basically, I've had it ingrained into me, as we all have in Britain, that because of Robert McGarvey's reign, that this was basically a no-go era. The truth is, it's an amazing country. Yes, it's got a complicated history. Yes, up until recently there was a political unrest here and things are still in the balance a little bit. But the truth is that doesn't, you know, that doesn't affect you as a visitor here. Zimbabweans themselves want people to come and visit. And if you do come and visit, you are putting money into the country and you're helping the country. It feels from a British perspective relatively undiscovered because of the fact that we've stayed away for so long. It is one of the most impressive countries
that I've ever been to and so amazing that you almost think it would you selfishly almost think it'd be a shame if everyone found out about it. The Gobi is an area five times the size of the UK. Although despite the misleading title, only 5% of it is actually desert in the sandy Lawrence of Arabia sense. We were here to visit a unique Mongolian Buddhist site that lies in the heart of this vast expanse of nothing. We're going to the energy center of the earth. What's the energy center? What does that mean? Mongolians believe that there's a spot, right, where all the energy is concentrated.
Okay. And uh how are we getting there? We got camels. If I get on a camel, I'm just going to get loads of on Twitter from militant vegans. He's going, why you a camel? I didn't realize misadventures meant misadventures of animal abuse of Ramish Rang and Nathan all that # horrendous animal abuse # camels of people too. Are you saying that Twitter guides your life? No, don't be ridiculous. Instagram as well. So you see, we are able to enjoy the camels and two of those camels would have had people on them and they don't now as a direct result of what we've done.
How does that feel? It feels good. I kind of get your point now. Yeah. These are happy. I mean admittedly it's I would say about 5% as comfortable as I thought it was going to be. Yeah. Where's the actual energy center? It's around here. This is it. Yeah. The energy center and nearby monastery were established around 1820 by Danzan Ravja, Mongolia's most revered spiritual leader, who believed the site to be the location of a gateway to the mythical land of Shambala. In Mongolian culture, it's considered to
be the sacred place where all the energy of the world converges. This is where you tie this blue cloth. It's called khatak. Katak. Yes. This symbolizes holy and clean spirit in you. Tie a beautiful knot. There you go. Let me just do one more. How's that? Looks perfect. Pre the Soviets, this was like a big religious hub. Then the Soviets came and shut it all down. And now it's come back to be sort of a place where people come to visit. Regardless of what your beliefs are or not, there is something
I'm trying to look for another word apart from energy. But there is an energy to these places. Even if you don't believe it at all, there is something nice about coming to places like this. And there's sort of like a vibe here. It's good. Um, I also noticed that over there lots of people just sort of lying. That's the main point. This is the pinnacle of our trip here. What? That over there. So, what is that? That's that's that's the exact spot of energy center of the earth. [snorts] We lay there, connect with mother earth and get that energy.
I like the absolute tranquility. Some people are known to transfer the energy through mobile signal to their families. Should I try it? Yeah. I'm going to try and call my wife. Hello. It's me. Is it? Oh, sorry. I'm in this No, no. The reason I'm calling is I'm in an energy uh circle. Huh? an energy circle thing. All right, I'll speak to you in a bit. Okay. All right. Did she feel it? Uh, what she felt was that it was too early for me to call her.
Um, well, this is very nice. Yes, we do feel like we're in the middle of nowhere. But where um exactly are we? Straight up Kazakhstan. and Russia. Just about there. Yeah, just about there. That's China on the west. Cool. Yeah. Hey, Are you excited, buzzing to go hunting? So, how do we get there? I mean, the problem is if I don't ride the camel, then ride the horse, then Twitter's going to go nuts, you know? Yeah. I just can't. I mean, it's my fault. I apologize. I've painted myself into a vegan corner.
It's freezing. Should we just get in? I mean, this is pointless, isn't it? Yeah. Let's just get in. We're going to get Eagle hunting has taken place in this region for thousands of years. A way to get the fox and rabbit furs needed to survive in this harsh environment. In recent years, the area has hosted an annual festival to celebrate this ancient practice, drawing in hundreds of eagle hunters from Mongolia and nearby Kazakhstan. That's it. Jesus Christ. I didn't expect it to be that big. It's like a dragon. Yes. Yeah, it's enormous. I'm I am deeply uncomfortable. What's with the hood? Any moving object, including you.
Sow wanted to demonstrate the awesome capabilities of his eagle. But having made such a big deal about not riding camels or horses, I don't really feel like I could be responsible for killing a fox. Obviously, I don't want to hunt a fox, but I still want to take part in proceedings and show respect to our host. So, I have found a way that we can go fox hunting, but is on my terms. So, what's plan B? We could try smearing in meat. and let it run again. Yeah, I would say it slightly undermines the object of the exercise, but yeah, I'm willing to do it if it will make it do it.
Go, go, GO, [screaming] GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. HE'S NOT MOVING. HE'S ON IT. [screaming] Oh my. That was incredible. Smashed it. Eagle smashed it. We smashed Success. No fox had to die. The car experiment worked. Now all I've got to do is uh dry clean this and give it to my youngest son.
