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Do you ever get to the end of the year and feel like you just didn't do enough? So many of us do. And it's not because we failed, but because we rarely stop to acknowledge who we actually became. And if we don't do that, we end up setting goals from pressure and comparison or what we think we should want instead of what truly matters to us. So today, we're going to change that. You're listening to Relish, the podcast for people ready to stop chasing self-improvement and start savoring their lives. If you're tired of the hamster wheel of healing and hungry for more joy, presence, and meaning, you're in the right place.
Hey friends, it's Alysia and welcome back to Relish. This episode is part one of a two-part end ofear series. Today is all about reflection. And this is not a productivity checklist, but it's a meaningful look at who you became this year. This is really important to relishing your life and designing the future that you want for yourself. Next week in part two of this series, we're going to talk about setting goals and aspirations and doing that in a way that can actually work with your brain and your nervous system and your truth. But you can't set aligned goals for the future without first honoring the person that you were this year, this past year.
Both this week and next week's episodes have some workbooks to help you with reflection. This week's is reflection. Next week's is goal setting and those are both going to be linked in the description. They are both free and I hope that they can support you. Before we dive in, if you've been enjoying the show, please follow it, download the episodes, and please leave a five-star rating on Apple Podcast and Spotify. It really helps us grow. And I have a huge announcement about our reviews, and it feels like a true kind of synchronicity. It really couldn't have come at a better time than this episode. So, I'm going to share that later as well. Also, if you're listening to this podcast, this
will make no difference. But to those of you watching on YouTube, typically I do record these podcasts on video, but I was not able to do that with this one this time. So, my apologies. This one's just audio, but next week we will be back to video as normal. Okay, let's get into today's reflection. Let's start with why reflecting matters. Reflection isn't about measuring whether you did enough. It's actually about making meaning so that you can move forward. It's about reconnecting to yourself and your life. This is the life you actually lived, not the one that you think you should have lived. We really need to have awareness of what is and accept what is. We have to meet ourselves where
we actually are, not where we want to be before we can change. And what I found is if I don't stop and do this kind of reflection, I am more at risk of setting goals based on external expectations. So what society pushes, what other people are doing, what I think I should be doing based on some kind of conditioning instead of based on what really deeply matters to me. And if you want to relish your life, it has to start with clarity about what matters to you. We also miss seeing our year more kind of objectively clear. Of course, it's still technically subjective, but closer to the truth if we do not reflect. Your brain's negativity bias loves to tell you that you're behind or you failed or you didn't do enough. I see this with
clients all the time. Uh it's happening a lot this time of year, criticizing themselves. I didn't do enough. I didn't get to XYZ. I wasted my time. I should be further along. I was growing so much and then I blew it over Thanksgiving. Okay, does this sound familiar? That's not really reflection. That's more of rumination. And that kind of reflection really just triggers shame. It's not going to lead to growth. But when we actually take a look and explore those criticisms, honestly, it's almost never true. Authentic helpful reflection acknowledges what you've lived through, what you've learned and created, what you've moved through, what you've navigated. It includes not just what you
did, but also who you are, who you became. So this reflection, as I'm talking about it today, it's not really about doing. It's not a performance review. This is not about achievements or productivity. It's about appreciating the growth and the journey that you've been on. So as you reflect, I encourage you to notice your ways of being, the ways you showed up and felt, your courage, your tenderness, your honesty, your resilience, your compassion. How did you embody authenticity this year? That kind of reflection is going to help you get to know yourself for who you are as opposed to what you do. We've all heard that, you know, who you are matters more than what you do. That's
really the goal of this podcast, to help you see and feel that you don't need to do anything to earn being enough. You already are. So, I thought today I would share some of my personal reflection practice, how I kind of do this every year, some of the actual reflections I've made from this year. And I know that this is a little bit different for me than other episodes. I don't typically naturally share very much about myself and my intention in sharing this is to really give examples from my life so that you can have a sense of how I'm relating to the reflections. That's really more important than whatever thing I'm reflecting on if that makes sense. This episode is about how to
reflect and what to give your focus to. So, at the end of each year, I like to make some lists. And I've adjusted this over time, and I'm flexible with it. I'm not rigid. It kind of changes based on what I'm feeling that time of year. But this year, it's focused on five lists. And these are all in the workbook for you as well. The first is a list of new experiences, new things that I did this year or experiences I had, practices I took on, whatever feels new. And I also with each of those experiences I acknowledge how it makes me feel either when I did the thing or now in reflecting on it. This part is really important because the emotions acknowledging those emotions help us to make meaning and to move
forward we need to make meaning about the past. I remember about 10 years ago I started really getting into this reflection thing and I had the thought will a time come when I don't have any new experiences and I thought man I really hope not and that's part of why I do this exploration. I like to show myself that at any age we can keep experiencing new things. New things remind you that you're not stagnant, that you are someone who tries and explores and evolves and lives. Trying new things expands your identity, your view of yourself. And this can help you see that you've lived more life than you might remember or acknowledge, big things and small things. So this list kind of interrupts the story that we can
have that, you know, nothing really happened this year. So, I'll share some personal examples, some new things I did this year. A big one, the obvious one, starting this podcast. So, shifting career paths back into content and the feeling that makes me feel excited and proud. At least now it does. Uh, but when I started, there was definitely fear. There was worry about the unknown. I mean, it was also exciting at the time, but it was not all joyful along the way. And yet now it's one of the most meaningful things in my life. A smaller new thing, I started taking a pickle ball class. So this is very new.
Just a few weeks ago, and you know, it's not lifealtering, but it's new and I feel joy and excited by that. So this is just to give you some examples. I probably had 20 things on my list this year of new things. You might have more, you might have less. There's no number to reach, but the point is to be curious about what comes up, big or small. separately. I want to acknowledge after I make all these lists that I'm going to take you through today, I like to go through my journals from the year. Uh sometimes even past year's journals as well. It's so interesting, at least I think it's interesting to reconnect to that me from the past, who I was and what mattered to me and kind of see how
I was reacting to things at the time. It really helps give me perspective on my journey and my growth. But I do this after I make these lists because I like to see what comes up organically on its own, like what I remember and what feels most important, top of mind. And then when I go through the journals, other things come back up, things that I might have forgotten entirely. So for instance, I went to New Zealand in January with my sister and it was an awesome trip, but it wasn't top of mind, I think, because it was 11 months ago now. And so when I went through those journals, it was really nice to reconnect with that and remember, oh yes, what a special experience that was.
It reconnected me to gratitude. And if you don't keep a journal, uh first of all, I totally recommend it. Maybe 2026 is the year to start, but if not, you might go through your calendar to get a sense of your year as well. Uh you know, but don't get too caught up in the stuff that you did. Remember to pay attention to how you felt as you were doing it. Okay, the next list is a list of things I'm proud of from this year. This list is important because we have to acknowledge ourselves to actually keep growing authentically and try new things. And I talked about this in the strengths and 8020 episode a couple of weeks ago. That episode is very relevant to this one. So, if you didn't get to
listen, that one's linked below. But the sentiment is it's really important to focus on what's right with you and not get so caught up in what you feel is wrong with you. This is what I see a lot in the self-help world, but the research is backing this. Focusing on what's right with you helps you grow more. Acknowledging and appreciating yourself teaches your nervous system, I can rely on me. It actually helps you build self-rust and resilience. So, here are a few of mine from this year. A big one is that I got a home. Uh I have not talked about this much, but I was a nomad for almost three years. The last three years, hopping around Airbnbs and cities and living out of a storage unit in LA
in between. I even moved to Mexico for about a year. Lots of great experiences and I should really talk about them more on the podcast. But for the purposes of this, all that hopping around did not resonate with my nervous system. My nervous system did not like all the moving and the packing and the unpacking. And I also had some resistance to signing a lease. I've got patterns of not wanting to feel tied down or trapped. But this year, I'm proud of myself because I listened to my body and I did it. I signed a lease and Relish was a big part of that. Relish has stretched me to grow in so many ways. And I realized if I really want to give myself to this project, I need stability and a home. So, that's one thing I'm proud of for myself. A
professional thing I'm proud of, I designed and piloted a program that I built around the neuroscience of vision and manifestation. And it was such a special experience to pilot it with some of my favorite people. It showed me so much of what matters to me, what I'm capable of. I learned a ton and that was also a really new experience. So, that one showed up on my first list as well. So, just know the lists can and likely will overlap at times. So, I want to acknowledge 2025 was a big year for me in terms of there were lots of big changes, more than maybe a typical year. I don't want you to think everything on this list of things I'm proud of has to be huge. Small things matter, too. So,
for me this year, um, something I'm judging as small, but it doesn't actually feel small to me. I got some real plants in my house. Okay. And they are still alive. So, just bear with me. I've always liked the idea of having plants. I've been drawn to them, but I do not have a green thumb. And uh as a housewarming gift, my mom sent me these easy plants. Okay, now this is not sponsored, but you know, hey, that would be great. Easy plants, if you're listening. Um, these are these selfwatering plants where you refill the pot once every I don't know couple of weeks or month and it keeps the plant alive on its own. And these plants have been alive for like 3 months now. And
even though it's a pot doing most of the work, I am proud that I've now integrated this thing into my life that I like and it's helping me learn about plants and get over my resistance to it. And you know, also I probably wouldn't have bought the plants on my own. So, thanks mom for believing in me. Um, my entire Christmas list is basically easy plants now. So, I share that because I want you to see these seemingly quote unquote small moments matter. You know, me seeing these plants, it brings me a small bit of joy every day. And those little moments make up our lives. Our lives are not our achievements. They are moments. And I want to be present for as many of those moments as I can. So
appreciate the moments. Something else I was proud of this year was meditating consistently. This is something I've done for 10 years, but I wanted to share that it was on my list because I still appreciate it every single year. I feel the benefits all the time. I'm so grateful to mindfulness and meditation being a part of my life. They've changed my life. And I share that because I want you to see that you can appreciate things that are not just from this year, just things about yourself that feel important to you that are still a part of your life. So those are a couple of my examples for you. But this list is really about seeing the ways, the big and small ways that you showed up for
your life and for yourself. The third list is a list of challenges that I faced. Now this is important to acknowledge of course because challenges help us grow. We all face challenges all the time really and often we just want to get through them. But I find if we don't stop and name them and acknowledge them in ourselves, we can't see our own resilience or we can't understand the conditions that we were having to navigate at the time. So here are a few of mine from 2025. A big challenge. So this is one I have not talked about at all publicly, but I ended 2024 and began 2025 in a bit of a depression. And I'm a little hesitant to use that word because I have supported many people in my work with clinical
depression. And I have not been clinically depressed or ever identified myself as someone struggling with depression before. But I went through a period of about four or 5 months where I felt so low I just didn't even recognize myself. And coming out of that was my catalyst to realizing I need to make a change in my life. And that is really what led me here to relish. So I'm grateful. But during that time it was a really huge challenge. And with all the work I've done, I think part of the challenge was watching it happen. Like being aware, oh, I'm depressed right now and I kind of know that, but I'm not doing anything about it. I felt really, really stuck. And I think what I'm proud
of is I actually didn't judge myself so much for that stuckness. This was huge. A past version of me, you know, if this had happened a couple years ago, I would have been like, you know, you're depressed. You know, nothing's going to change if you don't do something, so do it. And instead, I was actually, you know, curious if that's even possible in depression. I was like, "Wow, this is interesting how paralyzed I feel. I wonder when it's going to end and when I'm going to take some action." Like, I knew I was going to move through it at some point, but it was just kind of happening in its own time. And that was a practice of tending to myself and seeing I needed to slow down. And that
also gave me so many learnings to better support me in supporting other people that are navigating depression. You know, I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I definitely learned a lot. So, thanks for letting me share that with you. Another big challenge was when I started Relish, I decided to hire a team. I have always been someone who tries to do everything alone. And with the small team I had for mind over munch, I never really understood how to lead. My patterns of uh needing to control were very limiting. But this person I've been growing into the last few years is much more relaxed. And I knew that I could not and should not do this alone. So from the beginning, I decided I'm going
to hire people to help. And I thought at first, you know, this is going to be great. I can focus on the parts that I want and love and they can handle their parts. Nope. Uh I am sure anyone listening that's built a team knows it is tough training people, getting everybody on the same page. Um being a thoughtful, inclusive, collaborative leader. These are all values of mine. And you know, I'm really proud of how I met that this year. But man, it has stretched me probably more than anything else this year. And now we are a few months in and starting to flow with each other and that feels so gratifying. Um, so I'm really I'm proud of me and the team. So thank you Christian, Ben, Jessica, Joe, and Nadia.
You deserve so much credit for this project. So when you reflect, remember you can name challenges that felt big or small to you. I think for me this year because I had so many big changes, a lot of the challenges also felt big. But let's come back to the context of this episode for a minute. Why do we want to name our challenges? It's not to focus on what's bad. It's to acknowledge how we moved through them. And I find it most helpful to name the qualities that I stepped into along the way. So for the depression um I can look back and see I stepped into curiosity, patience, compassion, resilience, love for myself actually uh for the challenge with starting a team. I stepped into releasing control, trusting others,
trusting myself, empowerment, empathy, humility. So seeing those qualities as a part of myself, that's really the value here. It helps me understand and appreciate myself better. Can you see how knowing that part of yourself might impact you in your approach to challenges or how you might meet next year differently? Maybe seeing that you have more courage or compassion or selfrust than you're giving yourself credit for. So, adjacent to challenges, the next list I make is a list of things I want to improve. Now, why this list matters? Reflection is not about pretending everything is perfect. It's about wanting to see a clearer picture of the, you know, quote unquote truth and doing this gently so
that you can support yourself better for next year. Here are a couple of mine. One is I did not prioritize community very well this year and I can feel myself missing that. I withdrew from many of my relationships that I care about. [snorts] And when I've been reflecting on why, I see it's because with all these big changes in my life, I really needed to trust myself and other people's opinions can get in the way of that. Sometimes for me, it can lead to some self-doubt. So, I set some boundaries, perhaps more boundaries than I would have liked um because I didn't want that noise of external thoughts and opinions to impact my decisions. So, that happened, you know, I can see it clearly and having that understanding,
it actually helps me have compassion for myself and it's something that I still want to address and change. So, in 2026, that's something that I want to focus on and it matters to me. Another one I wanted to share as an example a goal that I had for 2025 that I did not reach and that was recording my voice reel. I've not talked about this either cuz it's not really been relevant, but some of the people closer in my life know I've been saying for years I want to do a voice reel and eventually I want to do some voice acting. So I started planning this voice reel at the beginning of the year. I wrote the whole thing out. Um, and I never made the real. Now, why do I want to reflect on this? I know, you
know, when I don't accomplish something I set out to, it can feel easier to avoid thinking about it because I don't want to go into shame. But if this really matters to me and I want this in my life, I need to understand it. I need to understand why didn't I do it? So for instance, if I reflected on this without judging it and realized, okay, part of me didn't have the equipment or the money to get the equipment, then that would be a gap that I need to bridge and address. And that awareness is really important and helpful. It's like, okay, well then next year that's what I'm going to do. That was not the case for me. I've had the equipment for years.
Um, I had written out the scripts. I just didn't do it. And when I got curious about why, as I've been journaling and reflecting, what I found underneath was fear. Fear of failing, fear of not being enough, being good enough, fear of wanting something and not being able to have it. And so because of that fear, I procrastinated. And it's not because I didn't care that I procrastinated. It's actually because I cared so much that I worried if I did the thing it would mean I wouldn't get to do the thing because I would fail. Right? So not doing it felt more comfortable than failing. Does that make sense? Does that resonate? You know, that's part of why I think this kind of reflection matters. Not to judge what
you didn't do, but to understand why you didn't do it. and if it really matters to you so you can actually know yourself and support yourself moving forward. [snorts] So for me this voice reel is still an aspiration for 2026 but now I understand what blocked me and understanding means I can get that support. I can work with the fear instead of pretending it isn't there. Self-honesty is not self-criticism. It's actually about supporting yourself. Now by the way I want to note when I had the courage to do that reflection it also led to some appreciation. I had felt this kind of guilt and shame that I
didn't do it and you know wasn't enough and so I didn't even want to look at it. But when I did look at it I realized I did actually write out the reel and rewrite it a couple of times and that is progress. I did do something, but when the shame was in the way, when I, you know, didn't want to look at it, I couldn't even acknowledge what I did do. So, I didn't do nothing for 2025 about this thing that I care about. There was a stepping stone. And looking at it this way helps me acknowledge I am still on the path. Okay. So, the final list I make is a list of what matters to me. What matters to me now? And this is the bridge to next week's episode. Goals should not come from pressure or
comparison. And if they do, they are not going to satisfy. They're not going to be sustainable. They need to come from what matters to you deeply, from qualities and meaning, not outcomes and achievements. So this list becomes sort of a culmination or synthesis of the themes that I notice from making the other lists. And if you name a thing that matters to you, I encourage you to get to the quality beneath it. So for instance, if something that matters to me is having a home, I've realized how this really matters to me, why it matters is it brings me ease. It brings me spaciousness and stability and reliability.
Community is something that matters to me that I mentioned. The reason it matters is it brings me connection. It brings me joy. The voice really matters to me, but really it's because it brings creativity and playfulness and it challenges me to stretch myself. These are all important to me. Relish this podcast matters to me because it brings passion and connection and purpose and curiosity, mindfulness, everything. Okay, you listening right now make this everything for me. So, thank you. I share these as examples because these are not goals and these are not the goal. These are orientations to being. And when you know what truly matters to
you, your goals start coming from the inside, from alignment with yourself instead of pressure from the outside. So, as a recap, those are the five lists I reflect on. New things I did or experienced, things I'm proud of, challenges that helped me grow, things I want to improve on or goals I didn't meet, and what deeply matters to me. This is all explained in the workbook. You can download it for free. It's going to walk you through it. And feel free to take it apart, you know, make it your own. You don't have to do this my way.
This is just a starting point as an idea. Next week, we're going to talk about how to turn these into aspirations and into small aligned steps using what I'm going to teach you called the human method. And before we close, I want to share one last reflection moment from this year. Some of you know I've had this goal, this aspiration to reach 100red reviews on Apple Podcast and Spotify. And last week on Apple Podcast at least, we hit 100 reviews. We've still got a ways to go on Spotify, but man, I was really moved. It was a really special moment. Um, and if you have another moment, you know, to listen before you go, I wanted to share what happened for me. It was really interesting to see both my authenticity
and my patterns come out at the same time when I reached that goal. So, I looked at Apple podcast that morning. I saw the 100 reviews. It was 101 when I saw it. And I had this little brief kind of rush of, "Oh my gosh, we did it." And then almost compulsively without a second to even think, my brain went to, "Okay, now I guess a thousand is the goal." And I caught that thought immediately and I went, "Wait a second. No, this moment the journey is the point. There is no end goal. This was part of my intention when I started Relish. I want to be here for the journey. So in that moment when I caught that thought, I stopped and then I read every single review. And I've been
reading them all along the way, but I stopped again to just kind of honor this moment in the journey. And in that moment, I felt so connected to all of you. I was so curious about you, you know, like who are these very special, kind, considerate people? I know it's a big ask. You know, I've left reviews on podcasts before, but I don't do it every day or for every show I listen to, even though it doesn't take that long. It's still a choice to say, I'm going to stop what I'm doing and express my gratitude to the show and what I get out of it. And I had the thought, wow, 100 different individuals stopped. They took the time out of their day to rate the show five stars and leave a review. And
some people might say 100 isn't that much, but to me, it felt like a lot. every individual person became so human and meaningful to me and it made me more grateful for the thousands of others who have listened to the show in just the short amount of time that it's been up. We only launched in September. So, this feels really huge. So, I share that so that you can get a sense of how human I am, right? How I related to that moment. Both that automatic compulsion to get back on the hamster wheel of the goal. Um, and I was so proud of myself for stopping and relishing that moment and seeing and feeling how special it was. And I got to feel that gratitude and that experience in my body. I'm the
one that got to benefit from it. And then I went out to dinner to celebrate that aspiration. I didn't just let it pass by. Okay? So, I want you to see this is human. And the meaning comes from stopping and relishing the moment. The journey is the point. And yes, I can now aspire to grow in 2026. But I can do it without losing sight of the deeper meaning. The journey is the point. There's nowhere to go. The meaning of this experience is really in this exact moment connecting with you right now. All right. So, if you've enjoyed the show, I appreciate you. If you have time to go leave a fivestar rating and
review, I totally appreciate it. Heck, you can help kick off our 2026 aspiration of 1,000 reviews. But of course, the deeper quality behind that goal is it connects me to connection with you and more people, helping reduce suffering in people's lives, helping people find more joy. So perhaps share this with a friend if there's someone that you think would appreciate it. Before you set your goals for 2026, please honor the person that you became in 2025. This is really important. Remember that you can download the workbook as well. And next week will be part two to this little minieries at the end of the year where we are going to go into goal setting itself, the science behind it, and how to do it sustainably.
All right. Well, thank you for being here. I appreciate you. I hope you can go reflect to relish your 2025. You deserve it.
