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- Welcome back to Temu, my friends, where we are going to be looking for some of the more interesting items on the site. Normally, I try to find some good tech, but (bleep). A digital badge. It's a little badge you can pin on yourself to put apparently a bunch of anime girls on your, it's called an E-badge. I want a little bit of uwu on my shirt. What, is that weird? - Yes. - What's weird about that? That seems totally reasonable.
"The U.S. Armed Forces Nuclear Biological and Chemical Survival Manual" by Dick Couch. What the (bleep) is this? A dual head eye wash station. Brother, uh, no, thank you. Oh my God, what the (bleep) what? It's a USB-C lighter that you plug into your phone. I don't think that- - That's sick. - I don't think that- - Could work. - Okay, we'll go with it. Red light underpants? (laughs) - Yeah. Yeah, who needs magnetism when you have red lights directly on yours? - I feel like Temu is taking my junk a little too literally here.
- [Alex] The real answer is we should find out. - No, we're not! - Yeah. - No. With that, my friends, I think we have everything we need and probably a little bit more to take a closer look to see exactly what crazy nonsense Temu has got us today. So my friends, we have got ourselves a bountiful harvest of stuff from Temu and whatever the hell's going on over here. Why do you look like you are like a reject from Doc Brown's school of being a nerd? - Mr. Emmett Brown. - [Austin] Good, love the accent too. - Was a student of mine. - No, this is, my friends, a high quality bit of Temu attire.
All right, time to change, my friends. Whoa! - Oh my God. - It's me! I don't actually totally hate this. It's actually not as low quality as I thought. - I'm not gonna lie, despite you looking like an idiot. - Thanks. - The outfit's pretty bad too. (Alex laughing) - Okay. - But it looks comfy. - How much did I pay for my Temu fit? - [Alex] You paid $9.50. - Oh, $9? - $9.50 to look like a billionaire is a very good price.
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Behold, my friends, HTC headphones. Now, you might go, "HTC headphones, who cares, whatever." These are a little different. These are, I don't know what to call it, like open headphones would be, I guess, my best description. So we took a look at a product for Mystery Tech a while back. It was this Japanese pair of headphones that basically, they're essentially like speaker drivers that go like towards your ears, but they're actually fully open. If you take a close look at the back of the box, these are actually not made by HTC.
Instead, it is made by Shenzhen Brands World Technology and they licensed the HTC logo. When I thought these were a real HTC product, I'm like, "Oh, they might be good." Now I'm thinking they're probably just some generic knockoff. They just license it. - I mean, I can already tell you that they're terrible. - You can? - You know as soon as that plastic's there, it's terrible. - That's, honestly, that's not wrong. Well, I will say, they don't feel terrible. So it's got this sort of like little metal headband, which you can open and close it.
- [Ken] Those look more comfortable in these. - It's not bad. I mean, it's a little, oh, they sound a little cheapy. So essentially, it's like if you just made a normal pair of headphones but got rid of all the middle headphones stuff. So like I can hear 100% fine, but let's actually see what it's like to listen to these headphones. - [Ken] Oh, you can definitely hear that. - [Alex] Oh yeah, we can hear that all the way from here very clearly. - I'll say it's not as aggressive as I thought it would be.
I've turned it. This is like a relatively elevated volume. - [Alex] Really? Okay, that's not bad. - Do you wanna be sad and listen to how bad these headphones are? That actually is like, they've massacred my boy. - That is like listening to Daft Punk on a 1960s Ford F-150 (Austin laughing) pickup truck radio. - Yeah. I'm not gonna lie, those are some of the worst-sounding headphones I've ever heard. And that includes like $5 pairs of headphones. To be fair to these headphones, you know, I don't really feel like they deserve it. They're way cheaper. So the original's like 300 bucks.
These HTCs were how much? - [Alex] $25. - That is $18 too expensive. Hey, if anyone from HTC is watching, cancel the license to whoever you let put your beautiful logo on these piles of garbage. That is, $25 is outrageous. Like these sound bad. I think this is an item that I'm not going to describe. Merely, I'm going to present to you, and Matt, I want you to try to figure out what it is. I think, you, dressed as you are. We'll figure it out. But it's the fact that you can buy this on Temu is truly incredible to me. For the record, Matt doesn't know why he's dressed this way.
We just asked him to put on the, you don't have a limp. Why are you walking with a limp? (laughs) (all laughing) - Okay, we got some sort of briefcase. - I'm so excited for this right now. (glass breaking) - Some sort of locking mechanism. - It's a fancy item 'cause you can tell it comes in a real actual case. Matthew, what are you looking at right now? - Case. - Well, what's inside the case? I'll take the paperwork. You don't need to look at the paperwork.
- [Matt] Oh boy. - [Ken] Is that an umbilical cord? - You're really, really close. - You're getting there. - The rumors are true. We bought a whole ass legitimate real ultrasound machine on Temu. (laughs) - [Ken] Oh my God. - Now, the recommended use of this is to check on the pregnancy of your livestock. So if you got some sheep or some moose perhaps. (laughs) - Who's herd breeding mooses? - You just aren't hardcore enough. Wait, Alex, did you get the lube? - [Alex] No, I thought you were supposed to get the lube.
- Damn it, I hate when this happens. - [Alex] Oh, it's running. - Okay, here. - We need more lube. - I can't see. Get up here, get up here. We're gonna do some tummy time. - [Alex] Can someone please read the paperwork? (crew laughing) You did that a little too easy. - Okay, we'll get that there. All right, here we go. - And we can see. - Aha, so cold. I don't think we're doing this right.
- Wait, I found your belly button. - [Austin] Dude, there's nothing on this screen right now. - There's something. - You are not a medical provisioned licensed board physician, are you? Will someone, can we get something resembling lubrication, please? (Matt hissing) - No! (laughs) What is that, what did you find in there? - Oh, come on. - No. - Basically the same thing. (Austin laughing) - (laughs) No. - [Alex] Oh no, this is bad. - Oh, yo! (laughs) (Ken laughing) Okay, we got it. - That's impressive.
- There you go. - Oh my- - That a gurgle? - Okay. - There you go. - What are you seeing in there? - There's the head. (Austin laughing) - Is this why I'm dressed like this? - [Alex] (laughs) Yes. - [Adriana] I mean, you're a professional. - So can we all just establish the fact that this is probably not a good idea to buy, and that dingus YouTubers like ourselves should not be able to buy these things? But if you did wanna buy one like we did, how much do we pay for our Temu ultrasound machine? - [Alex] This is by far, this is probably one of our most expensive things we've ever gotten in Temu.
We paid $714. - What? The ultrasounds, they don't make themselves. - [Ken] This thing looks like a LeapFrog. - [Alex] Kinda. - I wish that I had better news for you, but I'm sorry to say that this item is significantly more unhinged than what you've just seen. - [Ken] Wait, wait! (laughs) How is that possible? - You can't just tee up. The other one as the most unhinged and then be like, "Bye, take care." - I wish, no, how is this more unhinged than- - Brother, brother, if I was capping right now, I wish I was.
This is the actually worst item we've ever bought from Temu. This is- - Ah! - Wait, what? Wait. - Red light therapy massage pants. (speaking indistinctly) (all laughing) Points. - [Ken] What could you possibly be getting right now that's relevant? - Oh my God. This is even more terrifying because Matt probably has like- - He's got something. - He's gonna one up you somehow. - "So how does it work?" you might ask.
Great question. I've got the answer for you on the back of the box. Red light therapy is a 660 nanometer wavelength of light to stimulate cellular repair and rejuvenation, providing therapeutic benefits for the skin and overall health. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. You get him outta here. - Yeah, buddy. - You get him outta here. I hate to say this, he looks like he needs to be blown. (laughs) (air hissing) - [Matt] I forgot that I gave it a little bow tie. (laughs) - So it's got quite the configuration of, wow. Is this a diaper? - [Alex] It is. - Why is- - It's a pull-up. - Look. - Wait, wait, I don't know.
I don't know about that, chief. - Hold on a second. Where does this go? - [Alex] You know exactly where it goes. - No, yeah. I will say it's doing you a lot of favors. - [Ken] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Austin. - Is everyone ready to experience this? 'Cause we're- - We're experiencing (bleep). - Experiencing it together, friends. - Oh, no. - So I'm gonna power it up first, so we've got power, we've got vibrate time and temperature.
Jesus. - Whoa. - [Matt] Whoa! - [Alex] We can hear that from here. That's some pretty powerful vibration. - Wow. That's a lot of vibration, brother. So let me show you what this is on the inside. - [Matt] Oh my God, many times now. - Basically, what you've got here is a series of LEDs, which apparently punch through fabric. And maybe you're supposed to wear this naked. - [Alex] Yeah, you are. - Yeah, 100%. - Yeah. 'Cause look at it, it's suede. It's supposed to be comfortable. - [Ken] Also, why isn't it RGB?
- [Austin] So we've got two vibration motors right here, and then one right here, one right here. And then that's it. - Oh, okay. - I'm in a sharing mood. Does anyone wanna try it? - I'll do it. - [Austin] Hell, yeah, let's go, boy! - Holy (bleep). (both laughing) What the, I feel like I'm taking off. - It is, it's like you're sitting on a damn motorcycle. It's probably the best way I can describe it. So I hate to ask, how much is the red light underpants?
- [Matt] In dollars or dignity? - Well, the dignity's been gone for about seven minutes now. - [Alex] We paid $64, but you know what? - $64? That's a lot of money, what? - [Alex] How can you put a price on health? - Okay, so now that you have fully strapped up, do you think this is worth whatever the 60-something dollars we paid? - [Matt] I can't hear you over how loud that is. - My left pec thinks it's a really, really good investment. - [Alex] (laughs) What?
- I don't know that. I feel like this video has been full of a bunch of nonsense and silly behavior. Why don't we get this thing back on track with this? This should be an actual article of technology that might just make your life better. - [Matt] The Gofo? - No, that's the name of the shipping company. - Gofo! - Gofo yourself. - Gofo, we try to deliver at 11:00 PM. Oh my God, why is he back there? So this is an external battery for your DualSense.
The thing is, this is a great controller, but I will say the number one problem with the DualSense is the battery life is dog doo-doo. So to get ready for what you can do is you take this guy and you literally just snap it on the back. 28%, and the controller's charging, yeah. Immediately, you can see that the controller's litten up. It's supposed to give you an additional 1.4 to two hour, oh, an extra 10 hours of battery. It's an 1800 milliamp-hour battery, which I believe is actually bigger than the battery inside the DualSense. How much did we pay for our DualSense Battery-O-Matic 9,000?
- [Alex] We paid $13. - [Matt] $13, and you could use it as a battery bank for your phone. - I don't know that you should do that, but that seems- - [Matt] Just 'cause you shouldn't doesn't mean you couldn't. - Yeah. - Now that we got the real tech outta the way, let's get back to some nonsense, shall we? - [Alex] That was the one piece that's real. - [Matt] That was the one palate cleanser. - [Alex] Yeah, that was like actual consumer advice. - It was consumer advice, I just had to get that outta my system. - Genuinely concerned.
- So this is- - [Matt] Nothing. Nothing, they're literally nothing. - Did our item fall out? 'Cause this is the way it was shipped, right? - Yeah. - Did an item fall out? The keychain for your USB-C lighter's in there, but not the actual thing. - It's almost like Denki also did a Temu video, and I may or may not have one in the mailbox right now. - [Austin] Can you get it? - I'll see if it's there. (Austin laughing) - Okay, is this really the way it showed up, like falling apart? - Yeah.
- Like, can we just point out the fact that this is supposed to be down here, and it just slides up and then just falls apart? - [Ken] Yeah. - Well, thank you for the donation, my friend. Oh, it actually even tells you it's a portable cigarette lighter. They're not being subtle at all. I guess let's go outside and see what happens when we use our phone to light things on fire. (laughs) So what we're gonna do is we're gonna attempt to use this. So before plugging into the phone,
I have procured myself some paper, which I will bestow upon you, my friend. - Are we gonna take some of those nice plants and put them in the paper? - No, no, no, no. We're not gonna roll anything. We're just gonna test it, okay? So this is gonna be pretty quick. Says it's only gonna last for eight seconds. Everybody ready? Oh, I see a little red. - Oh. - It's lighting up. No, no, get the edge, the edge, the edge. The corner. - I can't see.
Like, yeah. - Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait. It's actually lighting a little bit. - Now I want marshmallows. - I mean, that's actually really burned. Like you've got that thing going a little bit right now. Well, surprise, surprise. Something from Temu was disappointing. - If you excuse me, I'm gonna go and red light therapy myself. - So here's the thing. We are continuing the same day. No one can tell the difference. That's why I have a haircut- - That's I wear black shirt everyday. - And they have totally
different clothes on, but other than that- - There's a good chance we're wearing the exact same outfit. - This one, this one's for Ken. - Oh. - I think something that you're going to absolutely despise and hate immediately or take to your next con. - [Ken] My next, oh, it's anime-related. - Bing E-badge. - Wait, wait! Oh, I've always wanted one of these. - [Austin] He likes it, okay, cool. - Wait, wait, no, no, no.
I do have a use for this. It's not gonna be for, hold on, wait, wait. - So it's always a 50-50 of either this is something that's gonna be offensive to Ken or he is gonna be like, "Hell, yeah, let's go." - Explain what it is. - Yes. - [Ken] And I'll be right back. - So this is a little badge. It's got a screen on it. So the idea is that you can load up like a GIF or something and wear it around. So it's designed, or at least the way they kinda advertised it is, like if you're going to a con, you have like your favorite character playing or whatever the case is.
- [Alex] I don't know what Ken brought has to do with this pin. - Is that a wheel? What are you bringing a wheel for? - I'm so confused. - So I've actually- - Did you take the wheel off of your actual car? - Yes. So I've actually been looking at these little screen pin things, 'cause I've been trying to figure out what to put where my horn button is. - So for reference, this is not like a simulator wheel. This is an actual wheel that he went downstairs and took off his car to bring back upstairs.
- [Alex] Which means that if we take it, he can't drive home. - Yeah, he can't drive home. I need to download the SuperBand app. Oh, hello. - [Ken] It sounds like a 99-cent alarm. - [Matt] Oh my God. - I guess we just throw a photo at it. - [Austin] Take another photo of sad Matt. - Upload. - Upload. - [Ken] Oop. - Yeah, we got it. - Oh! That was so fast. - It's me, Matt's number one fan. - Wait, hold on, wait, I wanna try something- - Right where my heart, where it belongs.
- I think some people are gonna fight you for that. Uwu! - Are you about to send that to my badge? - Mm-hmm. - Okay, all right. - [Ken] Here it comes. Uploading to the device. - Uwu! (all laughing) - Oh my God. - Uwu! - It works really well. - Actually. - This actually, I will say, is actually like legitimately good. The screen is solid. The app at least worked for you, unlike me.
How much was our E-badge, uwu edition? - [Alex] It was $14. - Actually, that's totally worth 14 bucks. It has been a long and stressful day. I, I don't know about you, am tired of dealing with the stress of taking a look at stuff from Temu. Are you kidding me? This is supposed to be my job? Ugh! Well, luckily, I have a solution. This is a shoulder and neck massager. - [Matt] I told you I'm not doing that anymore.
- Well, you know, you say it. Wait until you see what this thing looks like. This, we might have to censor this one. - [Ken] Wait, what, wait. Huh? Wait, why? Whoa! - Wait! (Austin laughing) - [Austin] It's like little hands. - [Matt] Why does it (bleep) hands? - Massage, I must! (all laughing) - You put it around your neck like this. - [Ken] This is amazing content. - It is one of the things. So I know where this goes. - Wait, other way, other way.
You have it upside down. - What? - Yeah. - The hands have to be right here. (Ken laughing) - Sorry, what? - I didn't know you were- - Gently being choked. - Oh. - I didn't know you were into that, Austin. That's crazy. - Okay, can someone turn me on? - [Alex] Well, whoa. - [Ken] Why are you bending for this? - Wait, no, no, no. I'm supposed to push it. - [Alex] Okay, just don't think about anything. - Just think about Barry Manilow.
(Matt speaking indistinctly) Think about Barry Manilow. Ah! Ahh! What? - An immediate- - It's not good to look at, but like honestly, it's pretty good. Who wants to try it? - [Matt] You ever wish you got massaged by a little turtle man? (all laughing) - Oh my God, what the (bleep)? Wait, that's a lot. Wait, ooh. It looks like it's trying to escape now. (all laughing)
- How much did we pay for this neck and shoulder massager, which is quite lovely? - [Alex] Well, we paid $18. - This is only 18 bucks? - That's actually not- - Bro, I'm not exaggerating. We try a lot of these health and beauty nonsense things. Almost all of them are bad. This feels great. This item is one of the coolest things I've ever seen on Temu. Now, I was afraid almost all of our other Temu items showed up relatively quickly. This one took weeks to show up, but we waited, 'cause I was ready to see this in person.
Now, there were some problems, I think, with the shipment, which will become very apparent when you take a look at what this item is. Ooooh, okay, okay, okay. Oh, it looks good! It looks good. This, my friends, is the bomb from Counter-Strike. - What the hell, man? (Austin laughing) - What? Dude, I'm not exaggerating. Look at this thing. It's got an actual like working keypad, screen. Obviously, the C4, not actually real C4, but as far as like looking like the real thing. In fact, I think, yep.
Yo, let's go. Wait, hold on. - Okay. - I should know this. I feel like I should know this. - It's 8008. - 5, hang on, no. 567- - 309? - 8309. (device beeping) Wait, what do we do now? Should someone be defending right now? Should we run? Subscribe to the channel. Ring-a-ling the ding-a-ling button. Check out some other videos here, and stay tuned to see what happens with Temu tech.
(speaking indistinctly) - [Matt] I can't get outta the game now. Noo! (light music) (all laughing) - Does it just play the music? (light music)
